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Man seeking a woman's help regarding space

(20 Posts)
JPDA94 Sun 01-May-16 20:32:17

Hello all. I'm a guy looking for a bit of advice/reassurance regarding my very fresh break up.

She is incredible yet very busy young lady. She has to balance work with a college course, owning two horses and then of course her social life. It's a lot to fit in, and of course I understand a boyfriend only adds to the stress. Within a week she has decided that she wants time and space to think about things, see her other friends, generally be a young woman. She isn't the type to sleep around; I won't go into detail but I know she won't do that. She wants to enjoy herself without the worry of settling down too soon. As hard as it is for me, I understand that and will of course support her. She said she will stand by and support me with everything I do too.

Now when we spoke about the situation she said she needed to be single for now and that I am the guy she wants to eventually settle down with; just not right now. In the meantime, she wants to see me still, talk, go to friends engagements together etc. When we said goodbye last, we hugged for a while and she said just give me this time.

I did check whether she wanted to see other people. She categorically said no. I do believe her.

I will give her this time. But how much is too much, how much is too little etc? My head is just a mess. I want to ask her but I'm very aware that I need to keep a certain distance. Argh!!

Thank you in advance x

Penfold007 Sun 01-May-16 21:00:10

Um how to put this tactfully? She's not into you and you've been gently dumped. If she wants to get in touch she will.

KatharinaRosalie Sun 01-May-16 21:02:48

So she wants to keep you around while she lives her single life? Sorry, she's just not that into you. If you're looking for a relationship, you should find someone else.

Owllady Sun 01-May-16 21:03:03

Get over her and then get on with your life flowers

Casmama Sun 01-May-16 21:05:54

Young lady, young woman, is there a significant age gap between you?

Zaurak Sun 01-May-16 21:06:15

What penfold said.

Also, respectfully, if she wants to sleep around an entire rugby club/college course, that doesn't make her 'a type'. As long as both parties are willing and enthusiastic and not otherwise attached, there is no judgement needed for someone young and enjoying their freedom. Women can and do enjoy casual sex and I would hope we've moved away from needing young women to remain chaste, non?

HeddaGarbled Sun 01-May-16 21:06:32

I don't think it's fair of her to use you as an escort for friends' engagement parties etc while not being your girlfriend and I think it will be hard for you to get over her if you are continually meeting and talking. I would give her the space she claims she needs by being unavailable for all these things.

AnyFucker Sun 01-May-16 21:08:52

You post this on a parenting web site?

Why ?

AnyFucker Sun 01-May-16 21:09:32

If you are've been friend zoned mate

Walk away

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sun 01-May-16 21:10:40

you don't get to tell someone that you don't want each other to see other people… and then say you don't want to be their girlfriend/boyfriend "right now". It's not okay to put you on hold incase she feels differently in the future. Sorry. She's stringing you along.

When it's right, a relationship isn't an extra chore. I was super busy when I met DH, seeing him around my other commitments wasn't an extra bind or chore.

Try and be strong and tell her you really like her so you don't want to be half heartedly with her.

YABU for the 'type" comment BTW

LogicalThinking Sun 01-May-16 21:10:55

She wants to have her cake and eat it.
She wants to have you there if it suits her, but have no commitment to you at all.
She may well like you a lot, but not enough for it ever to be a meaningful relationship.
Sorry, move on with your life. You deserve better.

lulucappuccino Sun 01-May-16 21:14:36

"Young lady". Are you significantly older?

haveacupoftea Sun 01-May-16 21:26:46

Find somebody who isnt a pain in the arse.

FuckityByes Sun 01-May-16 21:30:58

She doesn't want a relationship with you and she has told you that. It's none of your business what she does.

Move on.

SleepingTiger Sun 01-May-16 21:31:10

It's the horses. They spear the spirit, create the changeling in us. Music from classic to modern is based on the beats of horses hooves. Except Samba and Reggae.

Give her space. Loads and loads of it.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sun 01-May-16 21:34:46

Don't be a mug
Walk away, she doesn't want you

Heavens2Betsy Sun 01-May-16 21:35:08

She may not be the type to sleep around but she is the type to keep her options open and leave you on the back burner in case a better offer comes along!
You deserve better.
Tell her to get stuffed

WellErrr Sun 01-May-16 21:46:02

Have you posted here before?

WellErrr Sun 01-May-16 21:46:21

Plus....what brought you to mumsnet?

Gide Sun 01-May-16 22:38:34

As a horse girl, let me say it too: she's not into you, mate.

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