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I've just abandoned my very drunk/high dh in central London in favour of getting ds home

(690 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

HoldingPatternDone Sat 30-Apr-16 22:54:34

Namechanged yet again as all this is so, so identifying. Dh has struggled with addictions and after a peaceful few months it came to a head today when we saw his family.

He was being aggressive to everyone and when our bus arrived he wouldn't get on so I've just taken myself and ds home. Now he won't answer his phone and I feel awful I've abandoned him but our son is only 3 and I've got to get him home. I can't help feeling so guilty and bad and am both dreading and wishing him home. What do I do?

Watchingnetflix Sat 30-Apr-16 22:56:44

Don't feel guilty, your priority is your child, your dh is an adult and will hands to sort himself out

Watchingnetflix Sat 30-Apr-16 22:57:31


BillSykesDog Sat 30-Apr-16 22:58:57

I think you've done exactly what you had to do. DS is safe, that's important. You couldn't have him traipsing around London with his Dad like that.

If his Dad does come home, will you both be safe in the house with him? Or do you think it might be better to go elsewhere just incase he comes back in a state? Aside from that there is very little you can do except hang tight and wait for him to resurface. Did any of his family go with him?

Shouldknowbetter2015 Sat 30-Apr-16 22:59:07

Been there, know what this is like. My ex H did this to us one Christmas when my 6yr old & 15m old baby were excited about visiting a Christmas market. We waited & waited. He was passed out of his brain when I got a call from the mainline train station to say they had him & could I collect him. My daughter is traumatised to this day & says she will never drink (12 yrs old now) & I left the bastard. This was just scratching the surface of the depths to which he sunk. Not seen him for 4 yrs now. I hate him & what he did to us. LTB. This will not get better .

Shouldknowbetter2015 Sat 30-Apr-16 22:59:56

PISSED not passed! Bloody autocorrect!

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 30-Apr-16 23:00:52

You've done the right thing.

Sophia1984 Sat 30-Apr-16 23:01:32

What a horrible situation for you, but you've done the right thing. You absolutely have to put your child first. If he isn't answering, is it possible he's just sulking? If, god forbid, anything bad had happened, someone would pick up the phone. You haven't abandoned him - he's a grown adult. Does he have money with him? Then he can get a cab home. Try and keep yourself calm: have a bath, drink some camomile tea. If it will reassure you to know he's home safe then stay up, but make a point when he gets in of saying you just wanted to know he was home safe, then go to bed.

Skivvywoman Sat 30-Apr-16 23:01:47

I've left my dh too when he's been pissed causing a scene, you done the right thing your priority is your child not him he's an adult
He will come home when he's ready

Berthatydfil Sat 30-Apr-16 23:02:28

He is an adult your ds is not.
Your ds could not in any circumstance be safely responsible for getting himself home whereas your dh could be if he had not voluntarily taken alcohol or other substances
You have made the right choice.
Don't feel guilty.

HoldingPatternDone Sat 30-Apr-16 23:03:06

I don't know billsykesdog I've left him bloodstained talking to a poor homeless man that couldn't get away, swigging a bottle of vodka. My instinct would be to try and coax him home but after all the support I've had on here and in rl I'm not acting like I usually would. I don't think he's going to be violent (never has before). No family with him at the moment, he's all alone sad

LilaTheTiger Sat 30-Apr-16 23:03:42

He's actually an adult. He's made his choices. You're talking care of a child. So you trump his will.

The loser.

VimFuego101 Sat 30-Apr-16 23:03:47

YANBU - of course you have to take care of your child. Your DH chose to get himself in a state.

ollieplimsoles Sat 30-Apr-16 23:04:29

flowers so sorry for you op but your son needed to get home safe.

Can you ask anyone to go looking for your dh?

Thornrose Sat 30-Apr-16 23:05:29

You had to put your ds first, without a doubt. Why is dh bloodstained?

HoldingPatternDone Sat 30-Apr-16 23:05:31

Thanks, clearly some of you know who I am!
I feel so guilty for not looking after him. This is the first time I've been so callous.

BertrandRussell Sat 30-Apr-16 23:06:11

Double lock the door.
Start your new life now.

HoldingPatternDone Sat 30-Apr-16 23:06:14

He was punching walls on the train.

BertrandRussell Sat 30-Apr-16 23:07:57

And I don't know who you are- I've just seen too many women in this situation over a long life. You don't want to condemn yourself and your child to a lifetime of taking him back, listening to his lies, trusting him and being let down again and again.

Watchingnetflix Sat 30-Apr-16 23:08:09

You're NOT being callous, you're being sensible

MrsJayy Sat 30-Apr-16 23:08:37

Your husband chose his lifestyle your son is your priority he is the most person right now im sorry you are going through this

LilaTheTiger Sat 30-Apr-16 23:10:38

Did your 3yo see him punching walls on a train?

NickiFury Sat 30-Apr-16 23:10:51

He's a grown man. And to be honest the sooner you stop making yourself responsible for a grown man's choices and addictions the happier you and most importantly your child will be. You did the right thing leaving him.

I've been here and done it and it cost me my mental health for years. My Dad once said to me "do you really think he's going to die if you're not around to look after him? How did he manage all those years before you met him?" That really clarified my thinking on it.

MrsJayy Sat 30-Apr-16 23:11:09

I dont think we recognise you op you are probably a little agitated and feeling understandabley sensitive

UptownFunk00 Sat 30-Apr-16 23:11:16

He should seek help or do the decent thing and give you and DS some space.

He's no good for you or your son. What are you teaching your son here and what are you potentially exposing him to?

He shouldn't have put any of you through this so don't feel guilty.

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