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how to 'make a go of things'

(12 Posts)
EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 12:03:37

So cutting a long story short me and my oh have children together, and live together tho he works away.
Weve lately had various problems in our realtionship. Neither has cheated or anything but we went on a break and want to 'make a go' of things 'start fresh' for the sake of our children. We feel we owe it to them to try at least.
My question. How do u do that!?!
Like he very much loves me and the children and is telling me he loves me etc and finding it easy to 'try'
Me not so much. Ive shut down. Guess i was the most hurt. What am i supposed to do. I cant reciprocate when i dont feel it. Am i supposed to pretend and hope that in time the feelings will return!?!
Has anyone been hurt and got those feelings back!?

AnyFucker Sat 30-Apr-16 12:09:19

it depends what he did to hurt you

EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 12:27:58

Just let me down over and over really. Did things without thinking how they woukd make me feel

pocketsaviour Sat 30-Apr-16 12:28:42

You can only "start fresh" if you're both genuinely willing to draw a line under the past and never bring it up or allow it to colour your relationship again.

It doesn't sound like you're ready to do that.

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here, but did he cheat, and then say you were to blame for snooping, but he's willing to magnanimously ignore that if you agree never to mention his cheating again?

pocketsaviour Sat 30-Apr-16 12:29:22

X-post. So I was wrong in my assumption.

Did the things he did have a lasting effect on your lives?

EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 12:50:35

He didnt cheat no.
He just seems to let me down or embarrass me over and over again.
Hes selfish, he makes wrong decisions and mistakes. Hes working on sorting himself. He has alot to deal with from his past that contributes to his ways. Hes seeked councelling. He wants me to stand by him while he does this. Support him etc.
I guess i just dont trust hes fixable

AnyFucker Sat 30-Apr-16 13:42:54

No trust...no relationship

It really is as simple as that

EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 20:27:24

Its not that i dont trust him tho hes never intentionally hurt me..he'd walk to earth for me. He just makes foolish on the spot decisions without thinking how they affect me and his children. And i end up getting hurt that way. I trust him to make every effort to work through his problems but i just dont trust he will be able to deal with his past and fix his issues. I have doubts. Im scared to let him in incase he cant change his ways and he cant drop his past without all his efforts

EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 20:29:21

Its like now. Hes feeling crappy and hes leaning on me for support. Asking me to tell him everything will be ok, to hold him etc and as much as i want to i just cant. I dont know if everything will be ok. I cant be the support he needs right now when ive been hurt with him and im trying to deal with dropping things in my head too.

I dont know how im supposed to act to fix this

AnyFucker Sat 30-Apr-16 21:21:46

Well, you can't fix him. Only he can do that.

EmilyAnd Sat 30-Apr-16 23:37:22

I kno that. What do i do while hes fixing himself though

AnyFucker Sat 30-Apr-16 23:44:24

You detach yourself completely. You tell him to leave. And when you are satisfied you can trust him to have your back then you give thought to reconciling. That time may never come.

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