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I just want to say thank you

(11 Posts)
TrafficJunkie Sat 30-Apr-16 06:53:17

To those of you who helped me to come to terms with, and leave my EA relationship. It was 3 months ago that he left now.
My life has massively improved.
I no longer have anxiety. Literally about anything. I can sleep again. My house is relaxed. My children are relaxed. They are still angry about everything mind, the adjustment has been difficult for them, but they're slowly realising the benefits.
I was devastated at first, I felt like half of me had been ripped away. And I felt massively incapable of being an adult. He had controlled me and everything in our lives so much that I didn't know myself.

Now, I have FRIENDS. I go for coffee with people. They come to my house too. I have started volunteer work. I'm learning to drive. I'm re taking my Maths so I can retrain for a new career.
I never would have done any of these things with him still here. I'm tentatively dipping my toe in the dating pool. I'm not looking for much - although I would like something long term I'm not that ready yet - but I want to feel normal around men and not afraid of them. I think casual dating is a good start. And if nothing I make new friends. 😊

But a massive massive thank you to all you Mumsnetters who helped me through it. Previously known as Dorsetmama on here - I had to name change in case I came up in Google searches whilst I was still trying to get him out!!

I've not heard a peep and I'd imagine it will stay that way now.
Lucky escape.
A real life friend has given me the contact details for the Freedom Programme. I'm going to sign up so I can be more aware of the types of EA so I don't fall into the same trap again.

I also hope this thread helps empower others to make the same choice that I did - to get out - you'll get brilliant support from Mumsnet. flowers

QuiteLikely5 Sat 30-Apr-16 07:00:21

Traffic junkie massive respect to you! I vaguely remember your name but not sure if I was on your thread but I think the fact that you found the courage to get away is amazing!

Onwards and upwards

Your kids - I'm sure they will come round, what have they said to you about it all?

TrafficJunkie Sat 30-Apr-16 07:31:25

My eldest - and autistic - has been really supportive, incredible in fact. He's the one who witnessed a lot of the EA that ex did to me (his bedroom is downstairs so he heard a lot more) And he was visibly relieved to know I wouldn't be suffering anymore. He said although he will miss him, and he thinks he will miss out on some things now that there isn't an extra adult around (for example I can't take them swimming on my own) he's glad he's gone.

My second - he took it quite hard. He had the closest relationship with my ex - although this also meant that standards were higher for him so when he rebelled he got worse punishments. sad He's still quite angry about it all, and misses him quite a bit. He has asked me not to have another boyfriend. I think he feels quite insecure.

My third - also autistic although undiagnosed at this point, took it massively hard in the first 3 weeks but since then has barely mentioned it. When he does, it's angry things about what my ex did. He says he doesn't miss him at all anymore and I can see he doesn't.

My youngest - he was upset for a week and asked a zillion questions. He needed the most day to day reassurance about small daily activities and the new rule changes. He kept asking "was such and such just one of his silly rules?"

Our routine drastically changed, not just because of me being a single mum again, but because my ex was so controlling - the kids were questioning every tiny thing.

The only person that mentions him in reference to memories is my youngest.

I'm not sure how well they have adjusted. I think in some ways it made their lives slightly less enjoyable just for the practical reasons. Having 4 and no car and all being 9 and under is not easy but I'm getting to improve that.

wonkylampshade Sun 01-May-16 07:44:10

Well done Traffic!

TrafficJunkie Sun 01-May-16 20:06:05

😊😊

DownstairsMixUp Sun 01-May-16 20:09:46

Well done, what a lovely story to read :-)

DownstairsMixUp Sun 01-May-16 20:10:07

Oh and thanks for being massively brave. and wine

Allalonenow Sun 01-May-16 20:15:55

Wow! Well done Traffic how courageous of you!
All the very best to you and your children in your new life. thanks

TrafficJunkie Fri 06-May-16 22:16:36

Thanks ☺☺

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Fri 06-May-16 22:19:07

Onwards and upwards wine

Hedgehogparty Sat 07-May-16 09:45:24

Wow, so pleased for you.
Sounds like you have got a nice life now, the life you deserve.

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