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How does your DP DH express his liking of other women, celebs or otherwise? Am I being too sensitive?

(117 Posts)
alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 22:27:50

I honestly don't know if I'm being stupid about this one but sometimes I get to thinking DH is ALWAYS going on about other women. OK, he'll mention celebs or women on TV he's liked past and present but he just seems to do this an awful lot. Obviously there are guys from films TV and sportsmen that I like too but I don't go on and on about them.

Add to that he'll comment that 'such and such at work was wearing nice high heels today' or he'll admit that he was ogling the ladies coming out of the gym.

I'm probably being a silly so and so but sometimes I just think 'ok enough, I get it, you like to look at women!'

Eeyore321 Fri 29-Apr-16 22:38:11

I think it's really insensitive of him to speak like that. It's perfectly acceptable to acknowledge these things, after all your in a relationship, not dead, but those comments should be kept to himself. I personally don't want to know if my OH finds someone else attractive or notices any particular aspect of another woman.

I think you should speak to him about it, tell him that you understand he may notice these things but that you don't want to hear about it.

CustardLover Fri 29-Apr-16 22:38:14

I think this is generally vulgar and immature. If it were my DH I would feel able ask him not to continually go on about other people. If I didn't feel like I could do that, my default would be icy, frozen smiling with no amusement. If that didn't work I feel like it wouldn't be long until I LTB. Not being facetious - I really feel that long term this would be too tedious to bear with.

alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 22:42:22

Thanks for your replies, I really thought I was going to be told 'get a grip, at least he's not having an affair' or something like that. It's just that I feel like it's a bit of a dripping tap, IYSWIM? I know I'm no oil painting but he married me FGS so I just don't like to hear about him gawping at other women all the time, well on a regular basis anyway.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Fri 29-Apr-16 22:43:22

It sounds like he's doing it on purpose to get a reaction for some reason. No reason to mention what someone was wearing earlier in the day - it's one thing to point something out that's in front of you, but specifically commenting on someone to you seems insensitive to me.

Funnily enough I was thinking about this today. Early in our relationship my DP mentioned Pamela Anderson and said "she's blonde and has big tits, what's not to like?" I pointed out how hurtful it was to me (a brunette with small boobs) especially given that his ex was blonde and big boobed. I think he just forgot himself for a moment and realised he'd sounded like a dick saying that to me.

We may make the odd comment when someone is on TV that the other might fancy (I'll say "oi stop looking at her boobs!" Or he'll point out some hairy good looking fella and joke about it) but I wouldn't dream of saying anything about a real life man and I'd be hurt if he talked about women at work being attractive etc.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Fri 29-Apr-16 22:45:27

And what makes you say you're no oil painting? Does he ever compliment you or tell you that you're beautiful? If he's eroding your self confidence and then trampling on it with comments about other women I'd be asking what his game is.

BennyTheBall Fri 29-Apr-16 22:47:53

He sounds really immature, or like a creepy sex pest.

My husband would never behave this way - it's really quite puerile.

Summerlovinf Fri 29-Apr-16 22:52:23

Your DH sounds like a creep. Why is he telling you this? He's trying to make you feel inadequate or unattractive. God I can't stand blokes like that...so boring and up themselves. I take it he's Gods gift?

zeeka Fri 29-Apr-16 22:53:45

It must be horrible for you. I would go absolutely mad and be so upset.

alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 23:02:46

He compliments me if I'm wearing something nice, not usually if it's just me per se or he'll say 'that's a sexy nail varnish' but just me as alaspoorderek doesn't get many compliments, no.

Not long ago he was telling me that one of the bosses at work had interviewed a woman that was supposed to be devastatingly attractive and he was expecting her to walk in any day. I think I shot him a look that showed I wasn't impressed.

It's tough, one part of me is saying 'you put up with a lot of crap' and another side of me is saying 'don't be silly' and I don't know what to think!

emilybrontescorset Fri 29-Apr-16 23:05:16

It's unpleasant.

I'd tell him to stop it.
Then if he continues have a stock reply along the lines of " oh yes I was looking at X today and noticed how taught his arse is, yeah looked great In the brown chinos he was wearing, mmmm.
Shout it straight back, every time.

See how he likes it. I guarantee he will not like it.

alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 23:07:24

The more I think about it the more hurt I feel, he knows I don't have a lot of self confidence, I'm really slim/petite with small boobs and feel like I look like a 14 yr old boy apart from giveaway female hips and a big bum.

Coldtoeswarmheart Fri 29-Apr-16 23:07:33

Aaaaaages ago I had a BF who did this, and it was the reason I ended it. He was just a twat with a wandering eye and not much in the way of respect for women. I don't think you're being silly.

Ikeameatballs Fri 29-Apr-16 23:09:29

DP occasionally comments on other women's appearance but usually it's about what they're wearing (eg "she can't walk in those heels") rather than what they look like as women.

I'd feel really unhappy with your DH's behaviour. I wonder why you haven't told him how you feel?

Coldtoeswarmheart Fri 29-Apr-16 23:09:49

YY to what corset said ^^.

Said twat asked me if I'd have a threesome. I said I would if I could choose the other bloke. He never mentioned it again.

raisedbyguineapigs Fri 29-Apr-16 23:11:08

It sounds like he's trying to make you jealous or something. To keep going on about other women is rude and disrespectful. It also makes him sound like a sleaze.

alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 23:11:31

Thanks all, you've been really kind and thoughtful in your replies. I think I've tried to be strong and joke about it in the past but thinking about it now I realise it is just getting too much. Of course I don't expect him not to look at other women but just not go on to me about it so much and in the way he does. He usually says it as if it's all a big joke but now I've realised it's not.

BertrandRussell Fri 29-Apr-16 23:12:33

When someone tells you who they are, listen to them.

alaspoorderek Fri 29-Apr-16 23:12:48

Meatballs I did tell him once when I got really upset, got to break off short, sorry....

notagiraffe Fri 29-Apr-16 23:15:44

I'd be tempted to mirror his behaviour. Every time he says a celebrity is gorgeous, go on about one you fancy. Every time he mentions girls at the gym, mention the men who make you look twice. He might find out quite quickly how disrespectful it sounds.

Seeyounearertime Fri 29-Apr-16 23:20:57

If I see a person I think is attractive or is wearing something nice I will say,
"She / he is pretty / good looking. I like the shoes / jacket she / he is wearing"
Thats it.

I think OPs OH is being a bit to sleazy with it to be honest. It's like he's trying to make you jealous and I don't know why?
There are some guys who are very insecure in themselves and feel the need to erode someone else's confidence, maybe he's doing that?

I wonder if he ever actively puts you down OP? Makes you feel like he's comparing you to other women?
It certainly ly sounds like you need to think if you want to continue down this road?

I'd suggest getting off at the next exit. grin

Summerlovinf Fri 29-Apr-16 23:21:09

And what good will it do to mirror his behaviour? OP Gets to to as much of a dick as her DH? This is the kind of needy, entitled a'hole wgi thinks it's ok to leer at women at work...seriously you could do sooo much better OP

suspiciousofgoldfish Fri 29-Apr-16 23:25:05

Poorderek you ANBU on the slightest. Granted, this isn't the worst thing a partner can do but it's really rude, annoying and disrespectful.

We all look at other attractive people, no exceptions, but to go on about it in front of the person you are meant to love is just mean!

I've had a few boyfriends who have done this and I have found it really immature. It's not good for ones self confidence.

Fortunately, I happen to be a smokin hot fox, a stone cold ten, so if DH were ever stupid enough to pull this shit I would tell him to fuck off and try his luck elsewhere. grin

You should pop on a pair of those heels he likes so much and go to a bar with your friends with his bank card.

NewStartNewName Fri 29-Apr-16 23:42:09

Celebs are fair game to us, but we draw the line at "real" people.

springydaffs Sat 30-Apr-16 00:52:31

Is he from a culture that views women as sex objects, on the planet purely to decorate it for the delectation of men?

If not, he's a sleaze. Urgh.

He only comments when you wear 'sexy' nail varnish? You're only OK if you're decorated? Urgh.

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