Having major problems with DH at the moment- he told me he doesn't love me anymore but won't move out of our house despite telling DS 8 that he was leaving, but that's not the point of this post.
Just over two years ago he went through my phone and saw some messages to 2 very old friends of mine which he completely misconstrued and decided I was trying to have an affair with both of them (I was 37 weeks pregnant at the time and one lot of messages were over a year old)
The older messages were to my friend R who had been my best friend since I was 14 until I began my relationship with DH when I was 22. We had dated briefly as teenagers and had slept together twice. When DH and I began to see each other R ghosted me, which made it awkward for our mutual friends.
Fast forward to 2013 and our very good friend was getting no married and we were going to have to see each other for the first time in years so I text him to test the water.
We sent a few messages back and forth about how we were etc and he then said he still felt we were better of not being friends anymore. I replied that that made me sad but there would always be a place in my heart for him.
DH has taken that comment and decided I still love R- even though I've told him I didn't ever really love R, not like I love DH.
The second set of messages were from another ex but again, we dated as teenagers, the word love was never mentioned between us and we were very good friends for a long time.
He messaged me on Facebook saying he'd been out with people from school which had got him thinking about me and wondering how I was. I told DH the day I got the message and his immediate reaction was "he's after something" i said I highly doubt it and told him I was replying to Js message.
At the time I was 35 weeks pregnant and we sent some messages back and forth about life, he's married now etc. Then when I was 37 weeks pregnant he sent me a message asking how I was and I replied saying I needed a man servant because I still had so much to do before the baby came.
We then engaged in a sort of bantery role play where he was applying for the job of man servant. I said things like downsides to the job would be to put up with seeing me fat and sweaty (it was hot weather at the time) waddling around every day, I asked him about previous man servant experience he said he had had a close working relationship with the prospective employer from pre 2000.
To me it was all innocent maybe a little flirty but certainly wasn't leading anywhere whatsoever.
DH saw the messages and took man servant for sex slave.
Ive told him countless times he's got it all wrong, the last thing on my mind was sex let alone trying to start an affair.
He says he believes me now but he still brings it up and is currently using it as proof I checked out of our marriage 2 years ago.
So my question is, is he being unreasonable in continuing to maintain that I wanted to have an affair and got caught ( the fact the day he read the messages I had left my phone on the bed next to him and gone downstairs is proof to me that I wasn't trying to hide anything) or am I the one in the wrong?
Sorry it's long, well done if you've got to the end.
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Who's being unreasonable?
16 replies
enfru · 29/04/2016 08:25
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