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Am I right to worry?

(4 Posts)
iwanttotrustagain Thu 28-Apr-16 18:29:24

My wife and I (married 2 years, I have I child 6. She has two 6 and 4) very nearly broke up before Christmas, she was having an EA eith her ex. I suspected and got proof off of her phone.
Any way after an awful Xmas we decided to give things another go, turns out the ex wasn't interested in her but was trying to get her to move back (lives 2.5hrs away) so the kids would be closer.

Things were great to begin with. But now I can't help feeling that I'm second choice, the back up plan. I try to talk to her but she doesn't want to know. I know I have trust issues now and I am working on it but she gives me no help. I want us to be more open with each other and she gets more withdrawn. Obviously because of my previous snooping her phone is locked up tight (not that I feel like I need to look at the moment) and silly things like turning off last seen in WhatsApp don't help my insecurities.
She's now pregnant. And things are getting worse. She barely talks to me let alone be nice to me. I don't know what to do. I love her but I'm so miserable.

Bettydownthehall Thu 28-Apr-16 21:43:33

I think the reason you have trust issues is down to her and she should play a part in eliminating them. Such as giving you full access to her phone, no secrets and open and honest communications
If she isn't then she isn't really sorry imo

MrsGPie1974 Thu 28-Apr-16 22:25:19

Gosh. This is sad to read. Relationships should be open and honest. She's not being fair to you. You need to have the conversation you've been avoiding because at the moment you are taking on all these worries and concerns for fear of loosing her. You may have lost her, she may not be worth holding on to. You need to be brutally honest. Perhaps write a letter? Tell her you feel distanced. It might be that she also feels insecure about the relationship because she can tell you aren't happy.
Love is a state of mind. Be honest talk it through but above all tell her you love her deeply. If she doesn't respond in kind... Set about fixing yourself.

magoria Fri 29-Apr-16 07:53:08

Didn't you post at the time? Your wife had told you she was leaving and was treating you like shit?

Apologies if I have got confused with another.

Of course you have trust issues.

She isn't working to make you trust her. Isn't interested in helping you work through your justified lack of trust.

Isn't being transparent and open. Has locked down her phone and is blaming you for snooping rather than taking responsibility for what lead you to these actions.

She isn't happy with you. She sound like she is only with you for a roof over her head.

Sorry but you are second best. As soon as a better option appears she will be gone.

She is only there now because another man didn't want her.

You deserve better.

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