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How d'you keep your self-esteem up when you're hurt time and time again?

(5 Posts)
BillyBagshaw Thu 28-Apr-16 14:22:05

I'm finding it difficult. I think I've had more than my fair share of pain and upset. Our parents are supposed to build our self-esteem but mine didn't. They were (both) abusive on the sort of level that requires a custodial sentence. I lost my entire family due to that fallout. Then I find my dh leaving me after 27yrs for someone twelve years younger, another kick in the stomach. I have two cousins, one ran off abroad with another womans dh and the other committed suicide. I'm left all alone in the world feeling like shit. I try my hardest to reach out to people and make new friendships wherever I go and tell myself 'I am worth something' but it's so hard, so painful. And now my partner of 3yrs has moved out overnight to be with a married woman. If it wasn't for the impact on my children I would seriously consider an overdose. I just don't seem to have a place in the world. Try as I might to keep my chin up I really hurt on the inside. Instead, I have to carry on a lonely, painful life feeling like no-one considers me 'good enough' to stick around for. sad

CommonBurdock Thu 28-Apr-16 15:44:58

Was reading about this yesterday. You have to basically self-parent. I practised this today and got my arse out of bed an hour earlier than normal and cleaned the bathroom and got all my work done grin

I also had a shit family followed by a disastrous abusive marriage. But my kids are beautiful. I bet yours are too.

StuRedman Thu 28-Apr-16 15:50:29

I agree about self parenting. My parents were low level abusive and still have a toxic effect on me. I have borderline personality disorder, possibly as a result of my parenting. I'm working hard in therapy to realise I am a worthwhile person in my own right.

Something that's helped me a lot is to celebrate my small victories. So today I've paid the credit card bill, cleaned the kitchen and walked the dog. All the kids are at school, I achieved that. People love and need me, despite what I might think.

OnTheRise Thu 28-Apr-16 17:22:40

Therapy is so helpful in increasing self esteem and compassion.

Meanwhile, as others have said, celebrate your small victories. Be pleased with yourself when you do anything useful at all. And treat yourself gently.

NotnowNigel Fri 29-Apr-16 00:35:45

Billy, it's not you though is it? It's them

But however much you might know that's true intellectually, I know how hard it is emotionally to stay positive and not take it all to heart.

It's such a hard time of life I think - you get older, you're not needed as you were when your dc were young, you're maybe struggling with hormones over menopause etc. It all adds up to often feeling overwhelmed.

I don't really know the answers. Talking helps. Taking good care of yourself. Trying to focus on the pleasures in life. May be start new things. What ever it takes really and is possible to build a life that you enjoy. Get out as often as you can. All advice I'm trying to take (when I can muster up the motivation grin )

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