Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

just want to rant.

(54 Posts)
Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 17:22:07

"D"P just got back from work and first thing he did was walk past me and said I'm going to stay upstairs. I understand he does 11 hour days (not all working this also includes traveling) but to come back and not hug me or kiss me hello just I'm going to stay upstairs. then because I didn't tidy upstairs he went great 11 hours of housework you've done here. does he actually think I can do that much housework also look after a teething baby go out and do my things and prepare and start tea. I'm. other being nasty but if my son is crying cause he's in pain with his gums he comes first over housework. also we're going out on Sat (I organised it all) and I do understand its his only day off and he doesn't have to take us but he went who's going to pay for my petrol I said me even though your company is paying for your petrol this week and you'll have some left over, then he went who's paying for me food and I went me then he went good cause I ain't. I'm like you pig. I also mentioned how I like he's spending time with me so his response was nothing stopped you coming to my work for these 11 hours to see me if you're that bothered about spending time with me. thing is I don't drive and it takes 3 hours to get there an public transport.

I don't want to hear LTB cause he's had a bad day at work and brought it home. he's moved jobs for me and our son so that's why I'm paying for our day out as a thank you but he's just pushed some of my buttons with how I feel neglectful today.

0palfruit Wed 27-Apr-16 17:38:14

So he has moved to this job for you, but he doesn't like it. Sounds like he blames you for having a long rubbish day at work.

My oh use to be resentful of me being at home with baby when he had had a crap day at work. I was able to point out that he would be doing that job whether I'd had a baby or not (this didn't help tho!), whereas as you have said your DP has taken this job for you.

It's tricky. Have a rant on here. Hopefully when he has had some rest he will be a bit nicer.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 17:57:18

I prefer tea for him and now he doesn't want it cause apparently it tastes horrible he wants something nice but doesn't know what. he started to get high rated with me so I told him I don't appreciate the fact that he comes in goes upstairs and doesn't interact with me or our son. he went I've had a long day I don't have to kiss you or bow down to you everytime I come in and I don't have to hold my son everytime. he went once I do 11 hours of house work then I can moan to him until then I can't moan.

how the hell am I meant to do 11 hours of house work. and even if I do he won't notice.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:04:51

I'm so close to just going back to work just to prove a point. see who will still do all the cleaning then. I bet it'll still be me. it'll be me waking up in the night even if I'm back at work. it'll be me who cooks. it'll be me always in the wrong. all I want is a kiss hello when he comes back or for him to tell me his day at work and for him to hold his son more but apparently couples don't do that. my mum was the victim of ea with my dad (still together but he's not half as bad as he was) and my mum and dad always kissed goodbye in the morning and hello when my dad got back and when my mum went to work at the night he always kissed her goodbye.

deVelvet Wed 27-Apr-16 18:07:30

Your fella sounds like a joy to be around hmm

Thisisthelastime45sc Wed 27-Apr-16 18:09:18

The only thing to do is go back to work and split costs of a cleaner/nanny it's the only way they see all of what you do.

Florene Wed 27-Apr-16 18:11:25

He sounds like he doesn't even like you, let alone love you. Does he often behave in this manner? It's not a relationship that I would want to be part of flowers

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:13:10

dont get me wrong when he's off work he's fun. we have so many laughs together. it's cause he's not stressed. stress and anxiety is turning point from dt jekyll to Mr Hyde.

don't get me wrong I nag a lot and I'm not as smart as him so my conversation are just basic so I get boring and I can't snap at a click of a finger so I'm not the best to live with. I'll praise him for putting up with my crap

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:16:17

thisisthelastime I think I'm going to talk to my manager to see if I can go back sooner rather than later or look for a job what's part time but can bring me more money in than if I worked part time at my current place.

florene he's only been like it since he started his new job. I think he blames me about moving but he wasn't being treated right and me plus both our families told him to move.

magoria Wed 27-Apr-16 18:21:08

Hang on so you are on maternity leave?

This is paid leave to look after your young child. Not paid leave to do 100% and put up with all this shit from him!

That you know you will be doing 100& when you go back to work means he has decided it is your place to do so.

Knock that on the head fast.

You are not there to be his servant or slave you are supposed to have an equal relationship.

MrPony Wed 27-Apr-16 18:25:39

You both sound stressed and resentful of each other.

You're pissed off because you spend all day doing mundane jobs and you look forward to some company when he returns.

He's pissed off because he's been at work all day in a job he doesn't like (?), the house isn't as tidy as he'd like and because he's so tired it's become a bigger deal than it should. He's resentful because he thinks you pitter patter around all day.

having a baby is a big adjustment and it can take years for the dust to settle and you both become comfortable with your position.
Try talking to him, go from his point of view that you understand how tired he is but that your days can be stressful too. Don't make it a competition. Make a rota of who has what job on which day.

I'm not saying his behaviour today is ok but without knowing him personally, this little snapshot sounds like a tired couple, not a horrible husband.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:34:20

I tried telling him I'm off to look after our son.

luckily our son isn't the crying type. the only time he cries is for food or when he's had enough lying down so from him being a quiet baby girl suddenly crying cause of teething my day consists of keeping him calm

anjarose Wed 27-Apr-16 18:40:02

His behaviour is childish and disrespectful.
I'd be seriously worried if I was you confused

In the short term I would just ignore him as he's ignoring you - plonk his food down ( if you're that nice not sure I would) and just get on with your stuff.
Alternatively offer to go back to work full turn and he can stay with the baby 😊👍🏼
We did this for a year and it really changed my other half S opinion about staying home with a baby being the easy option.
I have done both, and have a stressful job and at least at work you have breaks!!

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:41:44

omg no he isn't horrible at all its just stress and everything that comes with it. I know he loves me but we all have bad days/weeks/months it's just I have no true rl friends so all my annoyance is built up then I snap.

like just he mentioned our day off how he doesn't get no lie ins. I feel like saying well forget it I'll waste the £150 I spent to spend time with you so you can get a lie in.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 18:44:45

wish I could do that but as he's only started a few weeks ago in his new job it'll look bad on him.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 19:02:31

he's taking I want to stay in bed to the max. our son was crying in his nursery which is next door to out room. I was in the kitchen cleaning up the mess I made and my p didn't go in to check on him as it's his time to rest. so when do I rest then?

anjarose Wed 27-Apr-16 22:15:06

Ultimately he needs to respect that what you are doing IS work, not a bloody holiday!!

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 23:02:25

I've tried telling him that but all I get is "you're lucky that you don't have to get up early and go out in the cold and see people you don't like" my response is "I have to get up in the night, I have to go out in the cold when I go on the bus to do shopping/get him weighed/jabs ectopic, and I have to have my own company to talk to at least you have people"

after that I get told I need to stop being sassy and accept what he's doing for us.

luckily he calmed down and we spent the last of evening together watching films.

Cabrinha Wed 27-Apr-16 23:07:17

You are kidding yourself.
He's an arsehole.

MarthaCliffYouCunt Wed 27-Apr-16 23:09:14

These threads are so depressing.

Nanny0gg Wed 27-Apr-16 23:13:04

It isn't stress.

He's a pig.

Ahappynewmummy Wed 27-Apr-16 23:14:06

I wished I could write how perfect he is but that's a load of bull. no one is perfect.

martha I don't mean to bring anyone down its just if I don't let it out somewhere/someone I'd do something irrational. rl friends don't understand so I can't go to them really.

MarthaCliffYouCunt Wed 27-Apr-16 23:16:23

What do RL friends not understand?

MarthaCliffYouCunt Wed 27-Apr-16 23:17:35

Fwiw the thing that depresses me is that so many women put up with such shit treatment from their partners. People who are supposed to at least like them.

Middleclassmumnetter Wed 27-Apr-16 23:27:32

Whatever is happening outside of the home there's no excuse for him not greeting you when he gets back, doesn't even sound like he said hello. And what sort of father doesn't give his baby a kiss and a cuddle after (as he seems to be so fond of pointing out) 11hours? Out of order.

He needs to have a word with himself about that alone.

And poor boo boo has had a hard day at work? Try looking after a newborn all day (and presumably night)? Maybe you should book yourself in to a spa for the day, I'd say 11hours off the top of my head, and leave him with the baby. Then revisit and maybe put to bed the issue of who works harder and hopefully agree that it's much more at least equally demanding being at home!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now