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Please help me understand the stages of a break up

(5 Posts)
NeverGetTheBestOfMe Wed 27-Apr-16 17:08:06

I split was my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago (I posted a thread on here as he was emotionally abusive.)

So far I've had denial, the last few days I have had fear (thinking things like no one will ever want me, i'll never find someone else and the novelty of being able to sit and watch tv all evening on my own has worn off.)

Today I've got anger and I have bagged up the last of his things and will take it to his mums house (on doorstep as that's where he is.)

Please give me some understanding of the stages of a break up. Is there a pattern to it? What's normal?

Thank you

NeverGetTheBestOfMe Wed 27-Apr-16 20:22:29


TheNaze73 Wed 27-Apr-16 20:26:04

I think that break up stages will vary from relationship to relationship. There's no one size fits all graph that will show us where we are. I think the sooner you drop his things off the bettter & you can start to fully move on

Zebedah Wed 27-Apr-16 20:34:47

I agree with above that every relationship is different and I feel a bit of a fraud posting as I have never experienced a break up.
Your stages so far sound similar to stages of grief in bereavement, which has been compared to the breakdown of a serious relationship. If that's anything to go by, you have depression then acceptance on the cards. Though it should be said that it isn't a linear process and you might revisit the same stage e.g. anger.
I know this sounds a bit clinical but sometimes can be helpful to know what you're feeling is so normal that a theory has been created about it. Also that there is an end in sight. Sorry about your break up flowers

misszp Thu 28-Apr-16 10:20:06

For me, breaking up from a serious relationship meant going literally through the bereavement cycle (not so much for more casual relationships).

In fact, I believe it is actually VERY normal to go through some, if not all, those stages as part of a break up. Of course there are many factors which influence whether you will go through the whole thing and how much of each stage you will feel, so each individual and situation will be totally different.

I went through denial, shock, anger, bargaining, depression, reasoning, and finally acceptance. I bounced back through the stages many, many times and sometimes I even felt more than one stage at once.

Have a look at the stages of grief/bereavement. It may better help you understand where you have been, where you are, and where you may head next.

Big hugs to you, you will get through this! flowers

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