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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP has just split up with me out of the blue

49 replies

JjustBrokenUp · 27/04/2016 15:08

NC but a reg. I Thought me and DP had a great relationship and a lovely family (young DD). We've had our ups and downs, mainly due to his bipolar which led to us breaking up whilst he was manic and I was pregnant, and then some tough times while he was depressed and I had a newborn. However for the past year or so we've been just perfect or so I thought.

Sometimes I do moan because he just won't tidy his own shit up. I don't expect him to do much, but i think tidying up after yourself is just basic manners. A couple of weeks ago he got in a big fit about this, said he wasn't going to give me an excuse to moan any more and spent a few days putting on wash after wash (but not putting them away so was hardly the most taxing or useful housework he could have been doing). Anyway he did this with so much venom and annoyance that I said not to bother and I would prefer to go back to normal.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, we both ended up going out on Sunday.. Had a lovely time, though he spent more money than he would have liked. Monday evening out of the blue he starts calling me a slag and other horrible names. Tuesday he tells me he hates me and wants to break up.

He said he couldn't move out for 2 weeks, but I said no. If he wants to be so horrible, he will have to go today (only my name on the tenancy). I asked him for a reason, he said it was because I moaned too much.

But then before we went out on Sunday he said all the time that we were his world, his everything, he loved me forever etc etc

Personally I think it's either a comedown off the Coke he took Sunday, or his bipolar is sending him manic again and he's not thinking straight.

I know this doesn't excuse anything, but it's so hard to not wish he would just change his mind, apologise and everything could go back to normal.

When will it get easier? This is my first proper break up. Need a kick up the bum please but not too hard

OP posts:

Report

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/04/2016 15:12

Fucking hell, you've had a lucky escape. Not much of a catch, was he?

idontlikealdi · 27/04/2016 15:13

The bi polar is obviously not his fault but pi polar and taking Coke? You're well rid.

Superwitchy · 27/04/2016 15:15

Do you even have to ask? Why would you want this man who takes drugs and is vile to you, to be anywhere near you or your child? Or were you taking them too, and that's what you mean by going out together on Sunday? In any case leave him for good, you'll very soon start to feel better.

givepeasachance · 27/04/2016 15:15

So why didn't you dump him when he called you a slag and took coke when you've got young children?

Nanny0gg · 27/04/2016 15:15

I know this doesn't excuse anything, but it's so hard to not wish he would just change his mind, apologise and everything could go back to normal.

Normal?

I'm sorry but what you've been living with isn't 'normal'. Does he have medication? Does he take it? What effect does coke have on it?

And as far as I'm concerned, the coke taking would be the deal-breaker anyway.

Thank goodness it's your name on the tenancy.

givepeasachance · 27/04/2016 15:17

Do you really consider this to be out of the blue?

I would say entirely predictable that this relationship was not a forever

MooPointCowsOpinion · 27/04/2016 15:17

Casual reference to his drug use there... do you also take drugs at home with your child?

NewLife4Me · 27/04/2016 15:19

yes, you will be better off without him, you begin to think that behaviour exhibited from bipolar is normal, it isn't, my love.
I know it's not the sufferers fault though.
However, the coke taking is an irresponsible thing to do, especially with his dx.

You are better off now and you'll start to realise in little ways almost immediately.
Give yourself time and have a real look at yourself, get to know the real you as this may have eroded since you've been with this man, iyswim.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/04/2016 15:20

I don't think it would be fair to blame this on bipolar. It's hard, but it doesn't make people into abusive, vicious dicks.

You can trust me there, I've grown up with a lot of people with it, and I have it myself.

Taking coke when you've got bipolar would be the absolute height of stupidity anyway

JjustBrokenUp · 27/04/2016 15:24

Casual reference to his drug use there... do you also take drugs at home with your child?

No, I don't do drugs and nobody does drugs at my home. I don't believe it's necessarily a deal breaker for somebody to do it once every couple of months as long as they don't take care of the child the day after. It's similar to getting plastered I think! But obviously not if this is how it affects him. It really is out of the blue though.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2016 15:26

Sorry, but you have had a lucky escape. Anyone who's bi polar who takes cocaine would be dumped by me.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2016 15:26

To clarify: Anyone who's bi polar AND who takes cocaine would be dumped by me.

JjustBrokenUp · 27/04/2016 15:29

To clarify - he is a great dad, and if he's been doing drugs which is very rarely, he doesn't look after her the next day. Don't want anyone to say I'm a bad mum, my daughter is absolutely adored and put first every single day.

OP posts:

MooPointCowsOpinion · 27/04/2016 15:31

You've had a lucky escape. Tell yourself you're better off and block his number.

BatFacedGrrl · 27/04/2016 15:34

You say things have been perfect.

I would respectfully suggest that you're idea of 'perfect' is rather skewed

BatFacedGrrl · 27/04/2016 15:34

*your

blueberrypie0112 · 27/04/2016 15:36

Is he on medication. It is common for people with mental issues to self medicate (spelling?) with drugs if they are not getting help.

Don't let him back in. Him being in drug could make him more dangerous.

MrsDeVere · 27/04/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/04/2016 15:46

You break up when he is manic. You have tough times when he is depressed. He doesn't pull his weight around the house. He makes life difficult for you when you ask him to do his bit for the family. He takes cocaine and overspends.

His leaving did not come "out of the blue". You just ignored all the warning signs.

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 27/04/2016 15:52

yep - he's a piss artist. and a cunt.
you've had a lucky escape.
you'll never have anything nice while you're with him.
and you'll never, ever have any peace.
you know that already though, don't you?

AliceInUnderpants · 27/04/2016 15:52

Mental health issues mixed with recreational drugs was never going to be a good combination. Did you really not object to the coke?

JjustBrokenUp · 27/04/2016 15:54

Ok, I'm just going to change my name back and hide this thread. I just wanted a kind word to help me get through the day but it doesn't really look like I'm going to get one. I'm sure none of you are meaning to make me more upset but I'm sitting here crying because breaking up hurts whether it's a lucky escape or not.

OP posts:

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LogicalThinking · 27/04/2016 15:55

The coke is a deal-breaker though. If coming down from that results in him speaking to you in the way that he did, then that is a deal-breaker. There is no room for behaviour like that in any relationship EVER.

AdoraBell · 27/04/2016 15:56

You said this might be due to the Coke he took on Sunady. That should be reason enough for you to end the relationship for the sake of your child.

kissedbyamoonbeam · 27/04/2016 15:59

Hugs op. I opened this thread because a close friend of mine was dumped out of the blue. She is a year further on and has made a remarkable job of surviving. It will get better. Look after yourself and have a friend in rl squash you til it helps xxx

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