Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

when should you know?

(12 Posts)
gracienine Wed 27-Apr-16 15:05:24

I've been dating someone for around 4 months now. I have fun with him, he's really nice to me and sex is good. But I have absolutely no idea if there is any potential?

He's very keen but I can't reciprocate. I don't feel that strongly - I like him but not with any passion or excitement to be honest. I don't know whether to keep spending time with him and waiting to see if deeper feelings develop, or whether to end things and stop wasting his time. Because I do feel like I am wasting his time a bit at the moment, and I feel horribly guilty when is he really 'into it' and I can't pretend convincingly.

What would you do? I'm trying to be sensible. I want to settle down. My last relationship was very full on from the beginning but was really bad for me. Not sure what is sensible or normal.....

blueberrypie0112 Wed 27-Apr-16 15:27:26

Find someone else. You may end up being unfaithful to him if you decide to stay with him.

BUT it doesn't hurt to give him a few more months to get to know him better. You probably not over your previous relationship. So It is easy to compare him to your ex when you are still hurting.

gracienine Wed 27-Apr-16 15:38:09

Oh I would never be unfaithful to him! Not something that would even cross my mind. I just don't want to drag it out for him if I'm going to end up hurting him by walking away.

I like to imagine I'm over my previous relationship. It was nearly a year ago and only lasted a couple of years

TheNaze73 Wed 27-Apr-16 15:40:01

I think the best relationships are the slow burners, it's only been 4 months. Live & enjoy the day & don't worry about the future, there's always curveballs with looking forward anyway

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Apr-16 15:40:23

I think one test is this: if he cancels an evening together (for whatever reason) do you feel relieved? If so, he's not the man for you.

pocketsaviour Wed 27-Apr-16 15:41:44

I think if you felt the relationship had legs, you would know by now. It's not like he's going to have a personality transplant over the next 2 months, is it? You like him, but you're not in love with him. I'd let him go now, gently, before he gets deeper in.

blueberrypie0112 Wed 27-Apr-16 15:45:37

I know you would not but saying that if you force yourself to stay with him or even marry him because he seem like a nice guy compare to all your ex boyfriends, you make end up fantasizing being with other guys.

ALaughAMinute Wed 27-Apr-16 15:46:08

It sounds like you're not really into him in which case I would dump him as kindly as you possibly can and move on.

gracienine Wed 27-Apr-16 15:51:58

Yeah that's what I was hoping to get opinions on, if the relationship had legs would it be obvious to me by now.

He's really perfect on paper, and well liked by my friends etc, he just doesn't get me excited. But then part of me wonders if that's because I'm being sensible and giving everything lots of thought, which I've never done before!

I don't feel glad when he cancels plans. But I'd feel disappointed if a friend cancelled plans. I definitely like him the same amount I like my friends!

ALaughAMinute Wed 27-Apr-16 15:58:19

You obviously done feel passionately enough about him which doesn't bode well for a long-term relationship. It doesn't sound like he's the one for you.

Summerlovinf Wed 27-Apr-16 16:28:43

It's up to you, isn't it? He's keen. If you're content with someone to have fun with, good sex and him being nice then give it a go; if you've had enough of him it's fine to end it. You don't need an excuse.

gracienine Wed 27-Apr-16 17:38:53

Yes true. Guess it just feels a bit mean to keep it going if his feelings are going deeper. But I suppose it will become clear sooner or later anyway

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now