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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I being unreasonable?

75 replies

Tazlet · 26/04/2016 13:00

Ok, so I need a reality check from you guys to see if I am a hormonal nightmare or actually have a point...

Me and my BH fell pregnant very quickly after we got together (2 months), it was not planned but we were happy about it. I get on very well with his family which is cool. I also have a good relationship with his 2 young sons.

His parents have asked us to go away with them (they go to the same place each year and generally take BH and his kids). We talked about it and despite the fact I will be 8 months preggers and it will be boiling I agreed we should go. He said he'd look into dates with them. I send him a message just to confirm that we wouldn't be in a family room and the boys would have their own room (they wake up and are very loud (as little boys can be) at about 6am each morning and it turns out not only have they booked 2 rooms (interconnecting with his parents - meaning the boys are in the same room as us to sleep and his parents are in connecting room next door) and all the flights. I feel awful and like the bad guy by being upset over this. I know I'm going to big, hot and emotional so don't think its too selfish to want the boys in a separate room so that I can sleep and also have some privacy. I don't mind so much about his parents being next door but I have only met them a handful of times.. I 've also not booked the time off work or even discussed it with my manager or even looked into if anyone can look after my animals.

We've also had some pregnancy issues in the last week so I'm already stressed beyond belief and now feel like this horrible nasty person on top.

OP posts:

Report

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2016 13:02

You're not unreasonable. You will need some privacy and some time to yourself, but I wonder how you thought you'd get it with his children and his parents! Where do you want the children to sleep? Do you expect your boyfriend to get up with them first thing or do you expect the children to occupy themselves quietly?

emsyj · 26/04/2016 13:05

Bear in mind you may not be able to fly at that stage of pregnancy. You may need to speak to your midwife and the travel agent (assuming it is abroad).

emsyj · 26/04/2016 13:07

And how would the boys being in a separate room work? Are they old enough to be in their own room? You may be best off in a single whilst they sleep in eith their dad.

BiddyPop · 26/04/2016 13:07

At 8 months PG, you won't be allowed to fly.

Genx77 · 26/04/2016 13:09

You won't be able to fly at 8 months. Problem solved.

Joysmum · 26/04/2016 13:11

And how would the boys being in a separate room work?

You get an interconnecting room for the kids.

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 13:18

How do you expect to be allowed to fly at 8 months?

Lunar1 · 26/04/2016 13:29

If they are young then your dp will have to stay with them and you can book an extra room for yourself. I wouldn't let my young boys sleep in a separate hotel room alone.

Lunar1 · 26/04/2016 13:29

If they are young then your dp will have to stay with them and you can book an extra room for yourself. I wouldn't let my young boys sleep in a separate hotel room alone.

Tazlet · 26/04/2016 13:29

sorry - I will be coming up to 8 months - so still ok to fly I think as long as I am back in the UK by week 36 right?

The boys sleep in their own room at home - the rooms that have been booked are two inter-connecting rooms (ie door between them). So his parents are in the room next door and the boys will be in with us. The wake at 6am every morning and yells and screams for BH - who then goes to them. Simply no question of them occupying themselves.

OP posts:

anotherBadAvatar · 26/04/2016 13:31

Don't be so sure Tazlet, I would check with your airline AND make sure you have health insurance that covers pregnancy and delivery.

anotherBadAvatar · 26/04/2016 13:35

From BAs website:

For your and your baby’s safety you cannot fly after:

the end of the 36th week if you are pregnant with one baby
the end of the 32nd week if you are pregnant with more than one baby
After 28 weeks you must carry a confirmation from your doctor or midwife, such as a letter or certificate, in addition to your pregnancy record. This should be written within seven days prior to travel and confirm your approximate due date, that you're fit to travel and that there are no complications with your pregnancy.

If you've stated in your OP that you've have pregnancy issues this week, you may not be able to get a note from your midwife or GP if they don't deem it safe for you or your baby to fly.

Cabrinha · 26/04/2016 13:35

What is a BH?

No way would I choose to be out of the UK at 36 weeks.
Term is 37-42!

Tazlet · 26/04/2016 13:39

Ok I need to work out my dates!! Yet another reason to be grateful for this place!! Can you tell I'm a first time mum?! ;-)

Pregnancy issues this week were markers for Cystic Fibrosis so we've both been tested.

BH = better half

OP posts:

Somerville · 26/04/2016 13:40

I think it's Better Half, Cabs.

OP, I had all 3 of my DC babies at 35-36 weeks. If you go, get bloody good insurance cover.

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 13:45

Well I hope you have good insurance and have looked at local hospitals. You might be in for a shock if you gave birth abroad.

Somerville · 26/04/2016 13:47

Dunno why I typed DC and babies there.

Anyway, since your boyfriend has had other children, OP, I'm a bit surprised that he hasn't flagged up at least the issue about flying when heavily pregnant, if not also realising that you'll want privacy from his DC and parents.

I'd be buying him some pregnancy and birth books, so he can brush up.

emsyj · 26/04/2016 13:49

I had my first baby at 37+1. It is brave to go! You may feel less enthusiastic about the idea when you get to that stage of pregnancy.. Also check what the cost of insurance will be. Depending where you are going to, it may be prohibitive ( and you would be a fool to go without it).

willconcern · 26/04/2016 13:53

I wouldn't go on holiday out of the UK at 36 weeks, or probably beyond 30 weeks. My DCs were both born at 36 weeks. One resulted in an emergency C section. I think you'd be nuts to even consider flying at 36 weeks PG. Even if the baby hangs around until 40 weeks, it's pretty uncomfortable by 36 weeks and you won't want to be moving around that much (and I say that as a fitness freak who rarely sits still!)

Genx77 · 26/04/2016 13:55

How old are your boyfriends 2 sons?

Genx77 · 26/04/2016 13:55

6am is a pretty standard time for children to wake up, something you're going to have to get used to....

LittleMissBossyBoots · 26/04/2016 13:58

How old are the boys? There's a huge difference between being in their own room at home and in a hotel. There is no way I'd put my young children in a separate room, inter connecting or not.

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TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 14:00

6am is a lie in, my ds was up at 5 this morning.

Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:00

ok so busy printing out my insurance now! I felt it was important to go - didn't want the boys to miss out and BH said he would be gutted if he couldn't go. This is the first week of the holidays so the first time we could go....

OP posts:

KatharinaRosalie · 26/04/2016 14:01

I would not go on a foreign holiday at 8 months pregnant. And I was a very relaxed pregnant woman.

If you do, make very sure your insurance covers both you and the baby, including extended stays and getting you home. And check out the local hospitals.

Oh and your OH and his parents are of course very unreasonable to book everything before you actually agreed to go!

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