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Sex problems, and many more

(13 Posts)
Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 12:36:08

I have so many problems I don't know where to start.
We've been ignoring each other since yesterday because he shouted at me for not helping him fix his computer - and that's because I said I would but was still busy with the dc's and cooking/washing up etc and I was tired.
Dh and I never have sex. The last few times (the last being over six months ago) he couldn't climax and it made me feel crap.
I dont fancy him anymore. We are usually affectionate but he never initiates sex and nor do I. Due to my early starts I'm asleep by 9 and he's frustrated as I don't drink alcohol so dont do pubs and I'm not that sociable in ways of having people over or going out in the evening.
The things I find fun, he doesn't. So he usually goes and stays with his sister and they go and get drunk or do whatever they find fun. She's very wealthy and single so I think it offers an escape for him away from responsibility and bills and the normal family routine.
6 months ago I said I wasn't happy and asked if he'd be happier if we split up. He said he will never leave the children and the house so if I'm unhappy then I have to leave.
So I've felt trapped.
We recently went away for a 'dirty weekend' but it wasn't, I was far too tired and he went out alone drinking and eating out! I felt bad but he was happy to and I had a rest in the hotel but.. How dull.
He's now making me feel after this latest confrontation that I'm in debt to him as he took me away for the weekend so I owe him one.
I'm starting to think he's the most selfish arse I've ever met.

TheNaze73 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:38:35

I think you sound totally incompatible. If there are no grounds for compromise then it's done as far as I see. Have you always been this different?

Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 12:42:12

No, I used to be a party animal since dc's came along. Now I have responsibilities but he's still acting like he did before. He has said he's frustrated with life, not having enough money (but it's up to me not him, to make more for some reason)
He's bored as we don't do anything. I told him I'm not stopping him from making friends as going out.
You're right we are so incompatible

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 26-Apr-16 12:43:22

That is because he is indeed a selfish arse. However, no man is above the law here and such men often protest that they won't leave the marital home. Its a way of further controlling their victims (the plural is deliberate). He cares not for his children if he treats you as the mother of his children so very badly. This is also not a relationship model you want to teach your children either.

I would seek your own legal advice asap and from there make your own plans to separate from this individual who is not only just dragging you but also his children down with him.

Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 12:48:47

I did start mediation a couple of years ago but he managed to talk me round to sopping separation going ahead. The more I think about it the more I think he was more afraid of losing his security here than losing me. Is there anything people can do to make sure the man moves out if they're not willing to go?

ALaughAMinute Tue 26-Apr-16 12:58:42

Why would you have to leave? If your children are under 18 and you are the prime carer you might be entitled to stay in the house until your children are 18. There is always a way out! Don't listen to him. If your situation is intolerable (and it sounds as if it is) you should seek legal advice from a solicitor or the CAB.

Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 13:05:20

Thank you. My heart's pounding at the moment with anxiety. The thought of going through it all again. Knowing things would be in my favour helps. There's no way i would leave my children and home.

Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 14:45:47

Oh.. I've had a read and apparently unless your dh is abusive you can't get them to just leave sad
I also remembered how last time was so awful with him demanding he take the dc's to his family's home and the absolute hatred he had for me at the time. He thought of him just taking the dc's is terrifying. How can I go through that again?

ALaughAMinute Tue 26-Apr-16 15:49:15

You can't just kick him out but you can legally separate or get divorced in which case he may have to leave depending on your personal circumstances.

Either way, there is a way out. Be strong!

FlyingScotsman Tue 26-Apr-16 15:54:21

I would go and see s solicitor sbd get some advice.
I think you're right. He us living his life as pre children and is ressentful you aren't. And is ressentful for the jack of money (due to the dcs I imagine)
Dont talk to him about it yet. Get as much info as you can. You might not be able to get him out of the house as such BUT if you are separating, one of you will have to (and it's less likely to be him due to the dcs)

CommonBurdock Tue 26-Apr-16 16:39:15

As someone whose XH was the ultimate controlling arse and forced me to leave house so he could get custody of DCs, get yourself down to a solicitor pronto. Don't waste a minute more thinking about it.

juliascurr Tue 26-Apr-16 16:53:09

this might help

Realitea Tue 26-Apr-16 17:59:22

Thanks I'll have a look now

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