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Please help me make sense of this...

(16 Posts)
BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 12:08:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahappynewmummy Tue 26-Apr-16 12:19:42

I could write this about my DP. I'm currently on mat leave so I do all the cooking cleaning looking after ds and currently planning a christening.

my DP works long hours driving up to 4 hours a day then his work. when he comes back he does nothing (I don't blame him after what he does every day). sometimes I feel he puts his hobby before me but I know that's not the case cause on his only day off this weekend he's taking me out which includes 3 hours of driving there and back then walking round all day.

have you tried talking to him? tell him how you feel but emphasis how you appreciate how mu have he works but half hour won't go a miss.

BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 12:22:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 12:23:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yoksha Tue 26-Apr-16 12:25:06

Can't your family help you re diy? It's not unknown in our family for dad/brother/uncle etc to help out with their strengths in a diy situation. Both my son-il's are not diy savvy, and most of it is left up to Dd's dad except decorating. My bro on the other hand is football mad and useless at diy. My sis-il does most herself. My Dh hates decorating, so I do most, except what is beyond me

Looly71 Tue 26-Apr-16 12:27:10

My husband works all hours God sends and does more than his fair share around the house but doesn't do any diy either. Drives me mad that he won't even put a picture up. I'm just about to relace the seals around the shower and bath as it won't get done otherwise.
Sadly I'm not sure what the answer is.

FrogFairy Tue 26-Apr-16 12:28:35

Hang on, he is either buying tickets or spending time and money in the pub to watch footie but moans if you have a coffee?

No. Just no. You need strong words with him. As is often said on MN leisure time and spare money should be equally shared.

BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 12:28:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 12:30:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

artlessflirt Tue 26-Apr-16 12:31:24

I get where you're coming from. My DP is also very passionate about football and sometimes, when all is said and done, I can start to feel somewhat neglected when he chooses to go to a football match on one of his precious days off or if he's reading football stuff on his phone in the evening instead of spending time with me.

That being said, having a hobby (even football!) is good IMO, it's healthy to enjoy something outside of your family life. However, there should be a balance and equally you should be given time to have a hobby/time to yourself.

On the DIY front I wouldn't be too hard on him. Some people are very proactive and good at DIY and some people aren't. I'd much prefer to wait until we had the money to get someone else in to do it than DP do a botch job because his heart isn't in it or he's just generally rubbish at doing it. It'll only cost more in the long run. Is there anything you can get stuck into yourself? DIY isn't just for the men-folk, you know wink

Can't really say much on the finances front but it's probably best to sit down and thrash out a budget that factors in leisure activities (I.e. Days out, coffees, etc). Stress how important it is for you to get out and about and that you'd like money to be put aside for you to enjoy this without it causing him anxiety.

artlessflirt Tue 26-Apr-16 12:31:32

I get where you're coming from. My DP is also very passionate about football and sometimes, when all is said and done, I can start to feel somewhat neglected when he chooses to go to a football match on one of his precious days off or if he's reading football stuff on his phone in the evening instead of spending time with me.

That being said, having a hobby (even football!) is good IMO, it's healthy to enjoy something outside of your family life. However, there should be a balance and equally you should be given time to have a hobby/time to yourself.

On the DIY front I wouldn't be too hard on him. Some people are very proactive and good at DIY and some people aren't. I'd much prefer to wait until we had the money to get someone else in to do it than DP do a botch job because his heart isn't in it or he's just generally rubbish at doing it. It'll only cost more in the long run. Is there anything you can get stuck into yourself? DIY isn't just for the men-folk, you know wink

Can't really say much on the finances front but it's probably best to sit down and thrash out a budget that factors in leisure activities (I.e. Days out, coffees, etc). Stress how important it is for you to get out and about and that you'd like money to be put aside for you to enjoy this without it causing him anxiety.

Ahappynewmummy Tue 26-Apr-16 12:32:52

I think it's just something we have to tolerate. I'm sure there are some men out there who are in our position and the dw DP does nothing.

BulletproofIWishIWas Tue 26-Apr-16 15:16:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan45 Tue 26-Apr-16 15:39:10

So he moans if you buy a cup of coffee with a friend but he spends all his money and time on football - something very wrong there OP.

House need work done but he sits watching football all weekend, no wonder you are feeling resentful, it's all on his terms isn't it, otherwise he gives you the puppy eyes.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 26-Apr-16 16:32:32

Sounds to me like you are falling out of love with him.
It happens.
Some relationships just run their course.
And maybe this one is run.

I can sympathise regards the house but I was lucky as my ExH dad was quite handy and so is my dad. ExH was shite though. Lazy feckin' arse!

But my current OH is so hands on. He's an electrician anyway but he's good at everything (except decorating!).
He doesn't sit still and just gets stuff done.
It's the total opposite of my ExH and it's so great.

You say money is tight but could you have some couples counselling to try to work through this?

Could you try to talk to him about how you are feeling?

What actually needs doing in the house?
If it's decorating, can you give it a go?

TheNaze73 Tue 26-Apr-16 18:10:03

Are you thinking he's not manly for not doing DIY OP?

Did he actually want children?

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