My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

OP posts:
Report
Toast3 · 25/04/2016 22:51

I think it's a respectful way of approaching him. You're giving him the choice. Good luck!

Report
ALaughAMinute · 25/04/2016 22:53

Your idea sounds perfect! You'll never know unless you try will you? Good luck!

Report
TheNaze73 · 25/04/2016 22:55

Good ice breaker that. I did that once to a girl I liked in Boots. Always used to go to her till on a Saturday but, didn't want to embarrass her at work, by asking her directly, so gave her a card & put my number in it. It did work.

Report
ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:57

I'm pleased you think it is a good idea, respectful is a nice thing to say! Smile

Do you think I should put a message in or just my number after my name?

I was thinking "To so and so, thank you for helping me with XYZ. From Pickles [my number]" with maybe an X at the end?

I don't want to put anything too suggestive, I'm thinking my number alone should be just enough?

OP posts:
Report
ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:58

Ooh, great to hear it worked for you Naze!!

OP posts:
Report
Guitargirl · 25/04/2016 23:01

Good luck - hope it goes well!

Report
ALaughAMinute · 25/04/2016 23:19

I think the kiss is a bit twee personally so I'd leave that out but I like the idea of putting your number in the card because it gives him the opportunity to contact you if he wants to.

Report
ImperialBlether · 25/04/2016 23:21

Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Make him work for it! You're basically saying "I want to go out with you." Put him in a situation where he misses you and searches for you. If you don't think he will, there's your answer.

Report
ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 23:26

What's wrong with saying I want to go out with you, Imperial? Grin I'm not a fan of all this game playing, I'd rather just be straight about it by leaving my number instead of directly telling him like a wuss.

I agree the kiss may be a bit twee, he should get the hint from the number alone I hope!

OP posts:
Report
ImperialBlether · 25/04/2016 23:32

I just don't think it works that way. It's nothing to do with game playing but I think generally blokes react better if they go after a woman they want rather than the other way around.

Report
TheNaze73 · 25/04/2016 23:36

As a man, it is nice when a woman makes the first move. It's equally as nice to be pursued as chased. It's not game playing in any way

Report
ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 23:37

I kind of get your point, but equally feel unqualified to comment! I've never asked anyone myself before, they've either asked me or it's just happened. I don't have any experience of men preferring to ask but I imagine that is the case sometimes!

OP posts:
Report
TheNaze73 · 25/04/2016 23:45

Just put a non committal message in there about calling you sometime to have a thank you drink

Report
LovePGtipsMonkey · 26/04/2016 01:39

I was going to say the same, Naze - you could add something about meeting up for a drink. A little forward but less 'scary' iykwim than just leaving the number (a big HINT - suggesting a chat over a drink sounds more casual/less pressured - but that's just my view).
Imperial - yes to some extent, but when it's a slightly delicate situation re teacher/ex-student, the teacher would be worried to come across inappropriate - so it's up to the less 'responsible' side. Though being of same age, it's not inappropriate imo, it's just imagine if the ex-student then made a complaint? no risk to anyone the other way round.

Report
LovePGtipsMonkey · 26/04/2016 01:45

Or you could just tell him, OP, while having a cheery chat about you leaving, that it'd be good to keep in contact, catch up over a drink - while handing him a card ('there's a Thank You card for you, I've added my number/email'). Again makes it more friendly rather than sound like a date suggestion.

Report
LovePGtipsMonkey · 26/04/2016 01:47

But I suppose being direct (just number in card is low-key direct) and not pretending that you are just being friendly, can be more exciting for both sides!

Report
jclm · 26/04/2016 11:18

Sorry but I'm not sure this is the best way. The tutor is unlikely to call you as he may simply put the book on the shelf without reading the inside cover. More importantly, tutors are not allowed to get involved with students, especially if your work is still being marked and you have not officially finished the course or graduated.

Could you not invite the tutor, with a few other students on the course, for coffee or lunch? He is more likely to agree to that, if you find a time slot that is convenient for him. Then that will give you chance to chat to him and find out if he is 'attached' or still looking, and to tell him a bit more about your life. Then in a few months, when the course is definitely completed, you could email and say you're in the area and ask him if he wants to go for coffee.

Report
ProfessorPickles · 26/04/2016 20:32

I never thought about that, that the work wouldn't 'officially' be marked etc although it would have been handed in. He won't be involved what so ever in the marking etc if that's relevant, he isn't my teacher and teaches a different course.

Might just go for it anyway, if it is inappropriate he can just bin it!

OP posts:
Report
jclm · 26/04/2016 20:41

Do you think the tutor may be interested in you? And do you know if he is single? Sorry I'm just being nosey lol x

Report
ProfessorPickles · 26/04/2016 20:47

It is ok haha, all mumsnet is for noseyness Grin
As far as I'm aware he is single based on what another teacher was saying about him, it was a conversation where she would have mentioned if he was! I'm going to do some more digging though when I see him next.

I'm not sure if he's interested, he's very smiley and we have a laugh, but he could be like that with everyone I suppose!

He was helping me with something a couple of weeks ago and he had to hold my hands to guide me and it was wonderful Blush imagine a less sexy version of the potters wheel scene

OP posts:
Report
ProfessorPickles · 26/04/2016 22:22

Any teacher and student relationship stories would be good! To fuel the fantasy Grin

OP posts:
Report
LovePGtipsMonkey · 27/04/2016 00:16

it's ALL in the touch, OP - if that's what made you decided, just go for it, likely to be mutual at least to a degree (I mean obv if he's not single, then the chemistry is neither here nor there).

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ProfessorPickles · 27/04/2016 09:24

I'm a fairly certain he is single based on what others have said, but I will try do a little bit of subtle digging around that area! Smile

It was his smile and how kind he was that first caught my eye, but having him holding my hands confirmed it haha! Knowing my luck he will have thought nothing of it and I was there all flustered Blush

OP posts:
Report
ThatsNotMyRabbit · 27/04/2016 09:30

Go for it!

Report
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 27/04/2016 09:46

Definitely go for it. I'm sure you wouldn't have pick up vibes if they weren't there.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.