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I've met someone and want to ask him out

(950 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Mon 25-Apr-16 22:30:37

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? grin

Toast3 Mon 25-Apr-16 22:51:04

I think it's a respectful way of approaching him. You're giving him the choice. Good luck!

ALaughAMinute Mon 25-Apr-16 22:53:21

Your idea sounds perfect! You'll never know unless you try will you? Good luck!

TheNaze73 Mon 25-Apr-16 22:55:03

Good ice breaker that. I did that once to a girl I liked in Boots. Always used to go to her till on a Saturday but, didn't want to embarrass her at work, by asking her directly, so gave her a card & put my number in it. It did work.

ProfessorPickles Mon 25-Apr-16 22:57:54

I'm pleased you think it is a good idea, respectful is a nice thing to say! smile

Do you think I should put a message in or just my number after my name?

I was thinking "To so and so, thank you for helping me with XYZ. From Pickles [my number]" with maybe an X at the end?

I don't want to put anything too suggestive, I'm thinking my number alone should be just enough?

ProfessorPickles Mon 25-Apr-16 22:58:28

Ooh, great to hear it worked for you Naze!!

Guitargirl Mon 25-Apr-16 23:01:10

Good luck - hope it goes well!

ALaughAMinute Mon 25-Apr-16 23:19:19

I think the kiss is a bit twee personally so I'd leave that out but I like the idea of putting your number in the card because it gives him the opportunity to contact you if he wants to.

ImperialBlether Mon 25-Apr-16 23:21:43

Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Make him work for it! You're basically saying "I want to go out with you." Put him in a situation where he misses you and searches for you. If you don't think he will, there's your answer.

ProfessorPickles Mon 25-Apr-16 23:26:36

What's wrong with saying I want to go out with you, Imperial? grin I'm not a fan of all this game playing, I'd rather just be straight about it by leaving my number instead of directly telling him like a wuss.

I agree the kiss may be a bit twee, he should get the hint from the number alone I hope!

ImperialBlether Mon 25-Apr-16 23:32:10

I just don't think it works that way. It's nothing to do with game playing but I think generally blokes react better if they go after a woman they want rather than the other way around.
<awaits blast off>

TheNaze73 Mon 25-Apr-16 23:36:04

As a man, it is nice when a woman makes the first move. It's equally as nice to be pursued as chased. It's not game playing in any way

ProfessorPickles Mon 25-Apr-16 23:37:05

I kind of get your point, but equally feel unqualified to comment! I've never asked anyone myself before, they've either asked me or it's just happened. I don't have any experience of men preferring to ask but I imagine that is the case sometimes!

TheNaze73 Mon 25-Apr-16 23:45:17

Just put a non committal message in there about calling you sometime to have a thank you drink

LovePGtipsMonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 01:39:08

I was going to say the same, Naze - you could add something about meeting up for a drink. A little forward but less 'scary' iykwim than just leaving the number (a big HINT - suggesting a chat over a drink sounds more casual/less pressured - but that's just my view).
Imperial - yes to some extent, but when it's a slightly delicate situation re teacher/ex-student, the teacher would be worried to come across inappropriate - so it's up to the less 'responsible' side. Though being of same age, it's not inappropriate imo, it's just imagine if the ex-student then made a complaint? no risk to anyone the other way round.

LovePGtipsMonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 01:45:42

Or you could just tell him, OP, while having a cheery chat about you leaving, that it'd be good to keep in contact, catch up over a drink - while handing him a card ('there's a Thank You card for you, I've added my number/email'). Again makes it more friendly rather than sound like a date suggestion.

LovePGtipsMonkey Tue 26-Apr-16 01:47:43

But I suppose being direct (just number in card is low-key direct) and not pretending that you are just being friendly, can be more exciting for both sides!

jclm Tue 26-Apr-16 11:18:35

Sorry but I'm not sure this is the best way. The tutor is unlikely to call you as he may simply put the book on the shelf without reading the inside cover. More importantly, tutors are not allowed to get involved with students, especially if your work is still being marked and you have not officially finished the course or graduated.

Could you not invite the tutor, with a few other students on the course, for coffee or lunch? He is more likely to agree to that, if you find a time slot that is convenient for him. Then that will give you chance to chat to him and find out if he is 'attached' or still looking, and to tell him a bit more about your life. Then in a few months, when the course is definitely completed, you could email and say you're in the area and ask him if he wants to go for coffee.

ProfessorPickles Tue 26-Apr-16 20:32:40

I never thought about that, that the work wouldn't 'officially' be marked etc although it would have been handed in. He won't be involved what so ever in the marking etc if that's relevant, he isn't my teacher and teaches a different course.

Might just go for it anyway, if it is inappropriate he can just bin it!

jclm Tue 26-Apr-16 20:41:31

Do you think the tutor may be interested in you? And do you know if he is single? Sorry I'm just being nosey lol x

ProfessorPickles Tue 26-Apr-16 20:47:49

It is ok haha, all mumsnet is for noseyness grin
As far as I'm aware he is single based on what another teacher was saying about him, it was a conversation where she would have mentioned if he was! I'm going to do some more digging though when I see him next.

I'm not sure if he's interested, he's very smiley and we have a laugh, but he could be like that with everyone I suppose!

He was helping me with something a couple of weeks ago and he had to hold my hands to guide me and it was wonderful blush imagine a less sexy version of the potters wheel scene

ProfessorPickles Tue 26-Apr-16 22:22:58

Any teacher and student relationship stories would be good! To fuel the fantasy grin

LovePGtipsMonkey Wed 27-Apr-16 00:16:16

it's ALL in the touch, OP - if that's what made you decided, just go for it, likely to be mutual at least to a degree (I mean obv if he's not single, then the chemistry is neither here nor there).

ProfessorPickles Wed 27-Apr-16 09:24:28

I'm a fairly certain he is single based on what others have said, but I will try do a little bit of subtle digging around that area! smile

It was his smile and how kind he was that first caught my eye, but having him holding my hands confirmed it haha! Knowing my luck he will have thought nothing of it and I was there all flustered blush

ThatsNotMyRabbit Wed 27-Apr-16 09:30:57

Go for it!

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