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I'm about to lose my mind here. I think DH is going to leave me tonight..

(996 Posts)
garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:35:06

DH has been uncharacteristically cold towards me for the past week or so. I had had a bad week as I had AF (we have been ttc for 16 months, and now under the care of the fertility clinic) and it pretty much devastated me. I had no sympathy from DH, we've barely spoke.
It's came to a head when I apologised on Friday, and I told him I was upset with his lack of affection, and he continues to be so cold. I questioned him about whether I did something, or if he is upset about something but he denied anything was wrong. I asked if he loves me, he said he did. He shrugged off cuddles on Saturday morning.

I gave him space yesterday, and slept in the spare room, but I woke up incredibly anxious about what is wrong so I sent him a text telling him that whatever it is, we must talk tonight. He responded in the afternoon, agreeing that we do need to talk.
I was a state in work, I generally always think the worst, so I asked him if it was serious, if he wants to leave me. All he has responded is that we will talk tonight. I asked to get away from work early as I was on the verge of tears, so now I'm sat at home waiting for him to arrive back.

I just don't know what to do. I think this might be the end of my world and I just don't know how I could continue to go on if this is actually happening to me. I hope and pray that it's to do with the ttc, and hes just wanting to take a break from it. But I think maybe it's just broke him and he doesn't love me anymore.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:36:02

If he isn't planning to leave, surely he would have said that in the text to stop me from going through all this!?

TheWitchwithNoName Mon 25-Apr-16 16:37:11

No advice but I hope it isn't what you think

Pigeonpost Mon 25-Apr-16 16:38:34

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this. My husband can be useless at communicating how he feels so maybe yours is just struggling with the ttc? I hope you manage to sort things out.

Twitterqueen Mon 25-Apr-16 16:38:47

The uncertainty is worse than knowing what is wrong.
Clearly there is something very wrong with your marriage if you are even suggesting this. Being cold with someone for a week or so is hardly grounds for wanting a divorce.

But maybe you are over-reacting? Maybe he does just want a break from TTC.

I'm sorry but there is no advice I can offer - only that you do need to find out and you do need to talk. flowers

Arfarfanarf Mon 25-Apr-16 16:39:09

thanks im so sorry. It's really not fair, if it isnt that, to not just put your mind at ease. He must know you'd feel this way.
I hope the talk goes well, maybe it is re ttc. Or perhaps work problems or health issues. x

FelicityR313 Mon 25-Apr-16 16:41:14

Sorry to hear that. Will he be home soon to put you out of your misery?

VimFuego101 Mon 25-Apr-16 16:42:25

I hope it's not that. How long till he gets home?

PotteringAlong Mon 25-Apr-16 16:42:34

You can't honestly have expected him to reply to that text with "yes, our marriage is over" so what else could he say other than reiterating that you will talk tonight?

Don't cross the bridge until you've got to it.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:42:38

It's just been so out of the ordinary for him.
He's making me feel like I've done something really wrong, and he hates me. The tension whenever we have been in the same room is awful. I thought we were happy, but how can someone change so suddenly?

I am praying it is anything else. But why would he put me through all this?
He's not home yet because he is meeting his friend first. Knowing fine well we are having a serious chat, but I think he's talking things through with his friend. I'm left to break down.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:43:59

He said he will be home after 6pm.

I feel like I am jumping to the worst conclusion. But I think because he didn't confirm either way, then I am assuming it is because it is over and he doesn't want to say that over text. If it wasn't that, he would have said that it wasn't.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 25-Apr-16 16:44:21

I used to think I couldn't survive without DH for too many reason to post. But I've discovered I can and you will too IF it is that.

He's been very cruel not to put your mind at rest though and you need to talk about that.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:45:29

We've not even been married two years. I've been planning a future and children and I just don't know what page he's been on.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:46:00

Should I be prepared? I think I should pack a bag in case I want to leave tonight.

ThatsNotMyRabbit Mon 25-Apr-16 16:46:37

Oh you poor thing 😟
He's being very cruel.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 25-Apr-16 16:48:42

Honestly he probably just wants to talk about taking a break from ttc. He probably has no idea that you're so panicked.

I once sent my now husband a text saying we needed to talk, I think it was about our finances and how they were split. I got home a few hours later and unbeknownst to me he'd been in a complete state thinking I was going to leave him.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:48:45

I think he's maybe had enough of my moods. AF really does make me go in horrible moods. But I apologised and I tried to explain.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:50:03

I told him in two separate texts that I was going out of my mind thinking he was planning to leave me. In both he just responded that we will talk about it tonight.

Its a certainty isnt it? I hope it isn't. But why let someone think that when they don't need to.

NNalreadyinuse Mon 25-Apr-16 16:50:14

He is being a git. Don't be letting him put all the blame on you or turn yourself inside out trying to keep him.
What he is doing in unbelievably cold and cruel - you deserve better.

Take back some power here. What happens next is not solely his decision. Think about whether you really want to he in a relationship with a man who can do this to you. As hard as infertility is for him, it is just as hard for you and yet you are not behaving like this.

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:53:50

He is not normally like this. He is such a warm, loving person. He's hardly spoke to me this week. He just doesn't care that it's been hard for me. It's like he hates me.

twirlypoo Mon 25-Apr-16 16:54:24

Oh love, I am so sorry. Could you text him and say you feel he is being very cruel leaving you wondering what is going on, that you are home now and you would like him to join you?

I hope you are okay thanks

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:56:14

He won't say anymore over text. And he will now be meeting with his friend, so that will come first. If he's already checked out of this, then he won't care about leaving me waiting.

UpsiLondoes Mon 25-Apr-16 16:56:30

Calm down and think about what you want. Please don't focus so much on him and instead think about what you want. If he wants to separate, there is nothing you can do or say to change his mind. It's certainly better to know now than with a 6 month old baby and being tied to him for the rest of your life.

Regardless of what he's going to say, he needs to apologise for behaving like an inmature ass and putting you through it.

I'm sure you both had a long chat and got lots of advice from your doctor about what to expect and what this could do to your mood swings. You are the one who is doing the hard part - and he's sulking and making you apologise because your mood swings are all over? Suck it up, big guy - it's not like it's your body this is happening to, is it?

garlicbreathing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:56:35

I'm going to pack a bag in case I need to be prepared.

ThatsNotMyRabbit Mon 25-Apr-16 16:57:04

He's not as great as you think if he's
Meeting his friend first. Shitty behaviour.

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