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How do I convince DH I want to look nice and don't feel nice when un-groomed

(70 Posts)
TigerPath Mon 25-Apr-16 07:38:05

He says my Babyliss Big Hair hot-brush will damage my hair. He likes it better natural but I feel horrible when it's frizzy and messy.

I like to shower daily but he says this is bad for my skin. He complains I smell of soap, washing powder and deodorant...but I like to feel and smell clean.

I also feel better wearing light make-up, with manicured nails, but he can't understand why!

We have a 9-month-old so personal time is limited and he feels I waste time showering/doing my hair. Yet it really affects my mood!

Fourormore Mon 25-Apr-16 07:41:28

Why do you need to convince him? Is there more to this? Because good personal hygiene isn't really negotiable and I'd be ignoring him tbh.

TurnOffTheTv Mon 25-Apr-16 07:42:50

He sounds like a controlling dick. He doesn't want you to shower/do your hair/nails/make up? Massive red flags. Does he tell you what to wear as well?

Savagebeauty Mon 25-Apr-16 07:43:20

What would he rather you do with your time? Wasting time confused
Carry on doing what you're doing.

AnotherEmma Mon 25-Apr-16 07:43:22

Your body, your choice. Your personal hygiene and grooming is COMPLETELY up to you. And most of us shower daily and use soap and deodorant hmm Doesn't he?!

Is he controlling in other ways? Does he comment on what you wear? What you spend money on?

WhereInTheWorldToNext Mon 25-Apr-16 07:43:29

This is a bit strange - having a shower every day is basic hygiene.

Does he restrict you in other ways?

wonderingsoul Mon 25-Apr-16 07:43:40

Everytime hes says something tell him hes has no controll on how you look or smell.

Its verry controlling and i imagine hes very insecure? Does he have form for accusing you of cheating by any chance?

StereophonicallyChallenged Mon 25-Apr-16 07:44:44

I would worry if my partner was trying to manage my appearance tbh.

Do you think he genuinely feels this way, and would say the same to anyone? Or is he trying to stop you from making yourself more attractive (in his opinion) Which can be a precursor to other controlling behaviours ime.

You should of course continue as you are if that's what you want smile

CherryBlossom321 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:45:34

Why do you need to convince him? You know what makes you happy and comfortable. Is this recent or has he always felt this way? Odd really, does he prefer the smell of stale sweat? I've never known anyone to complain about someone smelling of soap. Baffling.

JeanGenie23 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:46:43

You don't have to convince him of anything, if he doesn't understand, hard cheddar! Who doesn't want to be clean? confused

Only1scoop Mon 25-Apr-16 07:46:46

Ugh control freak

'Thanks for the tips but I'm happy as I am'

AnyFucker Mon 25-Apr-16 07:47:09

Does not compute

Why is your husband telling you what you ought to do with your own body ? Why are you even hearing that kind of bullshit out ?

TheBestChocolateIsFree Mon 25-Apr-16 07:48:49

Is he a bit of a hippy in other ways? If so then then this may be an innocent expression of his genuine views. In that case, saying what's been said on this thread, that controlling your body and physical appearance like this is NOT ON! may give him the wake up call he needs. If it's not in character, or just in character with his views about "nice" and "not nice" women, then it's genuinely a bit scary.

MizK Mon 25-Apr-16 07:49:29

Your standards of maintenance sound basic, reasonable and in no way should he resent you taking time to be clean and fresh.
Do you both monitor one another's time down to the minute? Is he able to shower and sort himself out? The baby is 9 months old. Showering and getting ready should be doable with the baby around. It's not a big deal. Tell him to shut the fuck up, seriously.

annandale Mon 25-Apr-16 07:50:24

There has got to be a backstory here.

Are you spending 2 hours a day in the bathroom/selfgrooming? How much of your disposable income goes on manicures?

I have to say if my partner hated the smell of son products I was using I would certainly consider trying others. I wouldn't stop using them though.

Claraoswald36 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:50:30

Ugh. This reminds me of exh and my mother. Exh told me off for frying my hair before bed because it's pointless and vain. Wet hair soaking the pillow is fine apparently. My mother used to say 'why are you bothering no one will look at you'
You can't reason with these muppets just carry on doing what you need to do

DaughterDrowningInJunk Mon 25-Apr-16 07:50:37

TigerPath Is he controlling in any other ways? Try to have a think. Sometimes behaviour that seems quite caring on the face of it is actually controlling. Does he do anything that seems protective of you in any way?

gamerchick Mon 25-Apr-16 07:51:54

Wasting time? What does he think you should be using that time for?

MorrisZapp Mon 25-Apr-16 07:55:10

What was his position on showers when you first knew him?

Claraoswald36 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:58:40

This thread quite concerns me - the op rather.

AugustaFinkNottle Mon 25-Apr-16 08:01:26

Doesn't he wash or wear deodorant? If not, it sounds pretty nasty.

coldcanary Mon 25-Apr-16 08:06:35

Says a lot your OH doesn't he? Does he ever say anything useful like 'do you want a brew?' Or 'no rush love, I'll just give the kitchen a quick clean?'
Or are his words of wisdom confined to having a go at you for wanting to actually be clean?

Marchate Mon 25-Apr-16 08:12:46

I feel sad for you. A controlling man will suck the life from you

BadDoGooder Mon 25-Apr-16 08:13:40

I'm with TheBest on this.
I'm a bit of a hippy, and hate strong artificial scents, so don't wear perfume etc and only use eco washing stuff which has a really mild scent. I notice when other people are wearing/using strong scented stuff, and don't like it! I also don't shower everyday (but I do wash the important bits at the sink everyday!)

We need to know more before anyone can assume it's controlling.

Are you spending 3 hours a day on hair and nails? Using family money for expensive manicures at the expense of other things?

But the bottom line is OP your body, your choice, and no one gets to tell you what to do with it, ever.

slithytove Mon 25-Apr-16 08:15:10

Didn't you post this the other day?

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