Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Lonely single mum(19 Posts)
I have been single 6 years in May. Wowzers it has flown by. It's been an emotional roller coaster. I am still in the the home I shared with my ex with my 2 children 10 and 8. I have almost lost it 3 times due to unemployment and the ex not supporting me. I have studied part time to gain qualifications to get into university. Failed 2 years in a row and finally got myself a place and I'm in my first year of nursing.....yayyy! I dont have a close family so find myself chatting to myself most of the time. I know i sound bonkers but definitely stronger for it. Sooooo many barriers over the last 6 years but overcome them. Lots of tears but anyway....my question is.... I live in a small community and my ex lives just around the corner with his new girlfriend. We don't get on which is sad but a long story. I don't have friends as for the last 6 years I havnt stopped. I don't date as I don't have family to help. My daughter is being bullied at school. I feel we have come so far on our own but I would love to start a fresh as I have my career path in order. I dream of meeting someone and them asking me to start again somewhere else. Not that i feel i NEED someone. I feel that would be my opportunity out! I have too many horrible memories here. I'm not going to meet anyone. I can't remortgage as I have a terrible rating now. I'd be silly to give it up and move to rented after fighting for it for so long. I'm sorry if I'm sounding ungrateful ...I just feel so lonely here.....
However, what's your actual question?!
Haha sorry....I guess I don't have one 😕 just needed to air. I came on here a few years back and felt so much better afterwards. It's tough on your own. I guess my question is a miracle.... company....a new direction..... new hope....Wondered if anyone would just leave a mortgage for the sake of a new life somewhere else 😊
can you sell? change it to a buy to let mortgage? its a shame to lose an asset like that
I looked into that but the mortgage goes up loads just not worth the rent for someone.
I know that is what I think. Just feel so lonely here.
I often feel like I'd like a fresh start and to move on but can't either. I also know how you feel, single and with child 24\7 no other help.
Would you now qualify for a keyworker mortgage now that you have qualified as a nurse?
Not sure how they work but dh's workmate has one as his wife is a nurse. They only get it once so if they move they lose it and have to pay the going rate. It may help you to move somewhere away from exdp and new gf.
How would a move affect your children? Is the bullying a major issue or something that will pass? Have you talked it through with your dc's how you feel?
If you are working so hard I can understand how you don't get 5 mins to think about chatting to people or making new friends - that takes time and is not easy.
Well done on your nursing though. You have perseverance and staying power and that is a great quality.
You've done amazingly well OP, all credit to you. I'd say (for what it's worth) that you should focus on your degree, get that under your belt then the world is your oyster. My daughter is in the last few months of her nursing degree. It has been tough, but she has no commitments, unlike you, so more credit to you for even contemplating a degree with all you have on your plate!
You will meet others in your situation when you're studying, opportunities to meet people and create possible lasting friendships (my DD has) so keep up your admirable strength..good luck OP
sorry I'm not that knowlegeable on types of mortgages, but why couldn't you sell and buy elsewhere? a smaller place maybe if it can house the kids - or same size but cheaper area?
sorry a 'd' missing there in 'knowledgeable'.
Give yourself some credit op. You've done great getting this far. Keep going with your studies. Maybe you will meet someone really nice through uni or work/placements. And maybe you could do some light internet dating to get yourself out there.
How old are you?
If I were you, I'd consider holding off dating/moving until you've graduated. Your first year of nursing is nearly over. That's 2 more years to go.
I know it feels that, by then, you'll have been single for 8 years, but your children will be another 2 years older, and everything really will be falling into place for you. I don't think you'd have much time to manage a relationship/house move over the next couple of years anyway.
I've been single for 3 years since my exH and I split up. I've dated a bit here and there and had a couple of relationships lasting a few months, but nothing serious. I'm in the 'taking time for myself' phase now. I don't want to be single forever, but I'm not desperate for it to happen.
You have done amazingly well. There's nothing quite like going to university and getting an amazing career after a shit relationship break up (it's what I did too, many years ago when my son was a toddler).
Thankyou all so so much for your kind words
I woke up this morning thinking I shouldn't moan at least we have our home. I guess I'm busy in the week it's evening and weekends I feel most lonely. Especially now my girls play out in the street now it's lighter evenings. Also when they go to bed so do I I just can't bare the being alone.
I'm not qualified so not sure about a key workers mortgage. I can't sell and buy because I have arrears due to the marriage break up. Another mortgage wI'll take one look at my scoring and refuse. I actually wonder if I will ever be able to. Or will I have to stay here until my youngest is 18 and sell to give my ex half of the equaty. I am 38 almost 39. I suppose most important is qualifing rather than moving/dating. I don't know why all of a sudden I feel the most lonely I have ever felt. I know the students on my course have partners/husbands and a social life. I guess I'm comparing myself. I do try and get out. I go to the gym whilst my girls swim (going tonight) I make plans for weekend days out. I try to keep my mind busy and positive. Just lately I can just feel the enthusiasm slowly drifting.
I'm hoping my daughter will meet some new friends and it is just something that will blow over. They see their dad every other Sunday. Sorry if I'm waffling I'm just trying to answer everyone that has commented and asked questions. Thanks again. Means alot
OP...whenever you feel you are talking to yourself..write it down here (as long as is appropriate of course
Have you thought about Gingerbread, the LP network? Might be worth a look? Do the children have friends outside of school? That's alway good to have other interests..brownies etc..
I have been a lone parent too.. It can be very lonely, but it's not forever..you're a young woman, plenty of time on your hands for meeting someone, get your degree..very liberating and all yours!
Oh and 'comparison is the thief of joy' so you have to stop doing that <she says>
I'm not knowledgeable OP< but I just want to say you have done bloody well. It's times like the last 6 years that are character forming, they are WHO you are. You are fucking strong! I'm sure you know this.
Just a few thoughts:
could you take in a lodger? Even if it was for a short amount of time? To make some money, pay off debt if you have any, possibly rent somewhere else and get a buy to let mortgage and let out the property you are in?
Aww thankyou 😘
It has been nice to get some positive feedback. I don't have room for a lodger. Our house is small. Definitely would if I could though. Renting it would mean having a buy to let mortgage which goes up way over the average rental prices in my area. I have asked my mortgage company and they refused because of areas and 2 eviction notices in the past. I was going to sell and rent last year but the house fell through and I changed my mind as rent is as expensive if not more. Also I would never get on the property ladder again. Sometimes I wish I just moved out instead of him and left him with the worry. Alot of people I chat to have had to do that but they have met new partners and bought again.....
There are things that need fixing but I can't afford it. Something simple like my garage door is broke so I can't get into it and it has my mower in there now my grass is stupidly long. I asked a locksmith and it's 80 pound. I just don't have it. I know they say money doesn't make you happy but it sure allows a stress free life. I hate to moan I work in health care I hear sad sad stories.......
Not sure if it helps but I had a friend who was in a similar situation.
She joined Gingerbread. WillIeverbeasizeten mentioned this above. I met her through work about this time. She was lonely and wanted friends who understood her situation.
She asked some of the single dads to help with fixing things in her home that were beyond her ability (she did her own decorating and was quite good at it). In return she had the dads and children round for a tea, again, no strings.
As it happened, she married one of the single dads. He was widowed, she divorced, five kids between them, they weren't expecting to get together, they never looked back. Under normal circs they would never have met as he was very shy and would never have approached her without being a friend first.
The last thing you may need is a new relationship but groups like Gingerbread offer friendship (the rest may follow!).
Aw that's a nice happy ever after 😊
I have never heard of it. I will Google now. I don't want to join anything close to home as it's a small community and everyone knows everyone. My ex and his family... his gf and her family....I will Google now, thankyou 😊
Just to say you don't need a man to "complete" you. You sound like a strong and lovely woman so no need really to say that to you!
It was handy for my bff to have light bulbs fitted, curtain tracks fitted and all the maintenance works she could not do, like sort out when the boiler broke down without costing her a fortune. These things were dragging her down so she joined a support group just for friendship and help.
The relationship sort of followed but was not the original intention. She wanted her kids to be around other kids and have fun with no pressure. There are some groups out there so hope you find one (and get help with the garage door!).
Join the discussion
Please login first.