Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I wrong

(6 Posts)
bandmum Sun 24-Apr-16 17:53:08

Dsis has just left and I can't get my head around what she said. 4 years ago bil left dsis for OW. It only lasted 6 months and he came back with his tail between his legs. He was very sorry and did everything he could to regain her trust. Aftef a year she agreed to take him back.
This weekend hd brought his work laptop home and left it unlocked when he went out with his mates. She snooped, she has had access to his phone and ipad since he moved back in. She discovered emails to and from OW.
Obviously I didn't see the emails but she said up until 4 weeks ago there were only 4 exchanges all very business like ie asking about parking at a festival site, passing on sad news about the death of a mutual friend. However 4 weeks ago bil senf OW an email asking if she was ok, he said he had heard she was having some trouble at work. She replied with the whole story, then he told her to ' chin up you're a superstar'. 2 weeks later another exchange of half a dozen messages along the same lines ending with him sending her a link to a Colin Hay song saying hd hoped this would cheer her up. Finally an exchange on Friday, again initiated by bil, asking how she is getting on which included general ' catching up' chit about kids elderly parents etc.
Well I was furious on dsis behalf telling her to at least confront him if not through him out. But she said the content is quite innocent andwill just check work llaptop every Saturday when he goes out.
Am I being unfair thinking a man does not contact his ex if hd is not sniffing around.

gamerchick Sun 24-Apr-16 17:56:06

No I would feel the same. However you've given your opinion and now you have to let her do things her way. Just be there for her when/if the shit hits the fan.

RavioliOnToast Sun 24-Apr-16 20:55:21

Yeah, she's a grown woman and can make her own decisions. from an outside point of view it's easy to say LTB, but just be around for if and when it all goes tits up.

Lostandlonely1979 Sun 24-Apr-16 20:58:01

As someone with a dsis with a trail of dysfunctional relationships behind her, totally agree with the above. The only times we've ever come to blows have been when I've verbalised my true feelings. Offer an ear, balanced advice and a shoulder: basically just be there. But take care of yourself as you can become a real sponge in these situations and end up inadvertently taking it out on your own relationships.

HoppingForward Sun 24-Apr-16 21:01:56

He is fishing and the OW is taking the bait sad nothing you can do about it apart from let dsis work it out for herself.

They would be playing a dangerous game where I work in regards to company equipment and ping pong emails with links to songs etc though.

bandmum Sun 24-Apr-16 21:22:11

Thanks all I have had my say and will just be there for her from now on. I just wanted others to confirm I wasn't overeating thinking this 'innocent' chat was inappropriate.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now