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Coerce me into NC!

(8 Posts)
Dontdoit111 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:38:56

NC for this one.

Been seeing a bloke for a couple of months, but getting the vibe he's not interested at all (ouch my ego). Things like not texting me back for ages, not asking to see me and being evasive when I ask to meet up.
I've had the "it's not you its me" line with him reassuring me he is interested he's just not ready for anything at the moment hmm. We aren't currently sleeping together for clarification. We were friends before so we still text on an almost daily basis, however I feel like perhaps I just need to stop hanging onto hope we'll be together and just go NC. This is going to be equally tough as we have minor dealings with each other through work and I will have to speak to him next week to talk about a deadline. Also he's hosting a charity ball in two weeks time which I'm supposed to be going to with a group of mutual friends.

This sucks because he's been there for me through a shit time, but it's all sort of tailed off lately because he says he's depressed.

I guess I'm living the scenario of "he's just not that into you" but it still makes me feel worthless sad.

holeinmyheart Sat 23-Apr-16 20:25:15

Well it is always horrible not to be disired as much as you desire, but it is life.
Can you think back to a time when the boot was on the other foot and you were trying to distance yourself from someone?
Unfortunately you just have to suck it up and consciously try to occupy yourself with lots of diverting activities.
His actions have already made you feel miserable so why make it worse for yourself by going over and over negative thoughts. You win some and you lose some.
In a couple of years, and with other things going on in your life, you won't even be able to remember his name.
There are hundreds of blokes out there.....get out and meet some.
Meanwhile, if you are not happy alone then the best remedy for heartache is to meet someone else.
You are certainly not 'worthless' .... You were just not right for him.
Hugs, as it is horrible! .....but fixable.

Funko Sat 23-Apr-16 20:38:43

Sounds very much like typical behaviour of a number of mental health issues including depression. I know, experienced it all with an ex for almost 2 years. Google 'depression fallout message board' and Anne Sheffields books.

Or he could simply be a flake ....

ALaughAMinute Sat 23-Apr-16 23:08:01

Remind yourself that the reason you want to go NC is because it's better to end the relationship with dignity rather than go chasing after him only to be rejected. Yes, it will hurt but it will save you pain in the long run.

Be the strong woman that you know that you are!

Dontdoit111 Sun 24-Apr-16 00:03:41

You're all so right flowers

I need to woman up and realise if he can't see my worth then he ain't worth it grin.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 24-Apr-16 05:01:04

That should be your mantra at all times, OP, but I get the feeling you're making something out of nothing as you were friends before you went out together a few times which led you to hope for more while, as evidenced by the "almost daily" text correspondence you're engaged in, he's not looking for anything more than friendship with you. .

GIven that you will continue to have some work-related dealings with him I don't see that going NC is the best way forward and, imo, it's more advisable for you to "coerce" any lustful romantic feelings you have for him into a box, close the lid, lock it, and revert to 'friends mode' in order to save face preserve your dignity.

Equally, if you have nothing better to do on the night, I see no reason why you shouldn't go to the charity ball he's hosting with the "group of mutual friends" who will also be attending and get off with another guy keep it light and friendly if you have occasion to chat to him.

I don't discount the possibility that you may feel he led you on, wires may have got crossed, or something got lost in translation what you may have thought or hoped was a transition from friends to lovers but even so, unless you're a teenager with a bad case of unrequited love, I see no reason for you to forego his friendship over any such misunderstanding

stumblymonkey Sun 24-Apr-16 06:08:19

I think you need to flip this one on its head...

It's not about whether he is into you.its about whether he is giving you what you want and need.

Do you want someone who is shit at texting back?

Do you want someone who is not as available as you would like physically?

Is it high up on your priority list to become involved with someone who is in the middle of dealing with mental health problems?

I'm guessing there are more things you could add to this list where HE isn't meeting YOUR basic standards.

Unfortunately a lot of dating advice is quite heavily skewed against women - where we should basically try to 'keep the guy' and not even consider whether he's actually any good for us.

Move on. But not because you slope away with your tail between your legs because you think he may not be interested. Move on because he's not giving you what you want and need at the moment. Articulate that to him clearly, without any blame, and you can move on with dignity and self-respect.

Dontdoit111 Sun 24-Apr-16 09:07:41

Just to be clear, he did actually tell me he liked me as more than a friend and "wanted to see how things go" it's just his actions which are suggesting otherwise right now.

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