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What does he mean?

(31 Posts)
Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 15:51:11

Me and dh haven't been getting on great since finding out he was talking to other women, he says if I want to leave him that's fine? Is he just ashamed of what he's done that he realises how it must be for me or does he just not care about me at all?

TheNaze73 Sat 23-Apr-16 15:53:41

From a mans POV, he's being spineless. He wants you to end it as he doesn't want the flack of being the bad guy. There's probably another woman lined up already IMO

Hissy Sat 23-Apr-16 15:53:45

I'd suggest he leaves while he works out what he thinks he's doing.

He'll only see what life's like without you when he's on the outside.

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 15:56:11

There isn't another women there never was, he just used to chat to other women, it was a long time ago, but in my head it was like it was yesterday. He says he doesn't know what I want from him, what do I want from him?

Somerville Sat 23-Apr-16 15:59:18

if I want to leave him that's fine

Take him at his word. Leave the spineless twat.

blueberrypie0112 Sat 23-Apr-16 16:04:26

He doesn't want you to feel trap if you not that into him. One way another, he doesn't seem to care if you stay or go.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon Sat 23-Apr-16 16:05:28

He wants to end it but he's too much of a loser to say so. Choose to be dignified and ask him to leave.

MummyBtothree Sat 23-Apr-16 16:07:55

If he was fine about you leaving (like he said you could), I'd be rather hurt that cos it sounds like he wouldn't care less if you did. If it was me I would be out of there, head held high & dignity intact.

Bree85 Sat 23-Apr-16 16:30:38

Just take your time to think things through. Think what do you want. If you want to leave him or not. Make a decision but take time to make it.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 17:13:22

How long ago did you discover that he was "talking to other women" and was he chatting to them online or in rl?

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Apr-16 17:25:59

I think what people who do this sort of thing hate is the fact that it's hard to forget, once you've found out. The trust goes, you don't believe what he says and he can't cope with the fact that he's caused it. He's saying "put up with it or go away", isn't he?

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 17:38:48

It was around 9 month ago and it was online, do you think he wants out but is too scared to admit it? He always says he never wants to be without me but lately he's been saying Its fine if I want out.

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Apr-16 17:45:07

Do you have children together?

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 17:47:41

Yes we do and step children all very young

MummyBtothree Sat 23-Apr-16 17:47:42

I think he wants you to do it for him.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 17:51:22

Was he chatting to a number of women online or did he spend more time chatting to one than others? How did he come to be chatting to these women - what type of website was it?

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:04:46

It was 2, one off a dating site he was on before we met one who he knew a while back

blueberrypie0112 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:07:24

Did he tell you this out of the blue or were you two having argument over these women ? Some guys will end their relationship immediately if a woman tell them who they can and can not talk to. He is probably one of those guys and just stop caring.

blueberrypie0112 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:10:15

Like my cousin, he told me he does not want to be with a girl who doesn't trust him if he talk to another girl. He want someone who will trust him that he will be faithful

Pinkheart5915 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:11:08

If you want to leave that's fine, he sounds delightful!
To me it sounds like he really isn't bothered either way, or Wants you to end it so he doesn't have too.

Are you happy with him?

Dellarobia Sat 23-Apr-16 18:15:08

I think he's putting the ball in your court, so that if you don't leave, he'll be able to say "well you could've left but you chose not to" if you ever bring it up again.

MummyBtothree Sat 23-Apr-16 18:18:15

If he was on a dating site before he met you he should have cancelled his membership when you got together, surely? . Could he be lying? Either way its odd.

MummyBtothree Sat 23-Apr-16 18:19:26

I agree with Dellarobia. He's playing mind games if you ask me.

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:40:30

No sorry these weren't just friendly conversations, should of said, no he isn't on the site anyone but she was saying she still had his number etc

Whatdoesthismean87 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:41:59

I said I was unhappy and not feeling the trust I should that's when he said it, I also said I would worry it would happen again and he just said ok

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