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To flirt or not to flirt that is the question?

(26 Posts)
SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 09:15:56

I've got a tiny question here re a real life man.

New man started at my work about 3 months ago, works on my floor, very nice, he's 13.5 years younger (eeek!) and different religion but there's a definite spark.

He's actually supposed to be having an arranged marriage eg potential brides sorted out for him soon (eg this year or next) but he's not overly keen or is keen enough but...

I am totally opposite (non Muslim) but we share similar views on a wide range of topics apart from religion really.

Kick me now and tell me to stop flirting with him (just being friendly really but I see it could go so much further if I let it).

haveacupoftea Sat 23-Apr-16 09:20:29

I think you should enjoy the flirting if you think you can stop yourself feeling hurt. As you know that you probably don't have a future together.

If you are likely to get in too deep then yeah...stop it halo

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 09:39:30

have see that's the thing last week in work we had a small debate by ourselves at lunch and it turned out our views are vastly opposing and I can't be bothered trying to change his but took his on board.

I think he's does like me more, always complimenting me on necklace, hair etc but he is too young and if he were older I'd maybe look past our differences but I just see it as harmless flirting for now, its giving me a nice feel for who and what I want in my next relationship rather than just pure lust though which is a much needed wake up call for me!

TheNaze73 Sat 23-Apr-16 09:50:39

Nothing wrong with flirting. Go for it. Sure it makes his day. Most people tend to spend more time with work colleagues than their partners, so it might as well be fun

DrMorbius Sat 23-Apr-16 10:15:23

Definition - Flirt - behave as though sexually attracted to someone

Why on earth would you flirt with an engaged person? Can you not have a business/colleague friendship, without introducing the sexual aspect ? -even if the sexual aspect is mild

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 10:31:26

Dr he is not engaged not even there yet he's just being introduced to potential brides then dating them but he certainly is engaged and if he were I wouldn't flirt!

dillydotty Sat 23-Apr-16 14:22:45

Unfortunately I can only see this ending in tears for both of you.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 15:12:38

He is engaged in pleasing his dps by fulfilling their desire for him to enter into an arranged marriage with a young woman of the same faith of whom they wholeheartedly approve.

In other words, he is taken; unavailable, unobtainable, unachievable, unfeasible, and you are seriously deluded if you believe that continuing to make your attraction clear, no doubt to all of your colleagues as well as to him, can end in anything other than tears and most probably humiliation for you.

FFS rein yourself in, OP. If you can't find any available - as in no strings whatsoever - males at work to flirt with, stop wasting your employer's time batting your eyelids at this one and look outside your workplace to practise the art of seduction.

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Apr-16 15:15:56

Why on earth are you wasting your time considering whether or not to flirt with someone who is so much younger and who has such different values to you? Just be as nice to him as I'm sure you are to others at work and look elsewhere for a partner.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 15:41:11

Can't believe people here! I am not purposely flirting With him at all! Merely being friendly and he's flirting or being friendly back.

There's no way on earth I'd ever let it go further as we work together and depsite what you guys think I don't shit on my own doorstep!

I just need a head shake really!

Imperial I'm not really looking see, don't really want to but do if that makes sense?!

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Apr-16 15:45:27

I think the problem is in your opening statement: "Kick me now and tell me to stop flirting with him"

grin

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 15:47:20

As you've requested readers of this board to "Kick me now and tell me to stop flirting with him", perhaps you could point out the bit where you're "merely being friendly and he's flirting or being friendly back"?

I'm relieved to see that you "don't shit on your own doorstep" as you're not likely to be seen as being professional or achieve what your user name suggests if you fail to observe this basic rule in the workplace.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 16:54:29

goddess you see there's a fine line between friendliness and flirting and I haven't actually crossed it, up to now it's been friendly on my part more flirty On his part. In fact I'd lay bets he wants a fling before he's married.

I am actually professional in the workplace as a senior legal pa/sec but to be fair my office is quite casual and lax and that probably comes across with the friendliness.

Also with me as I have said sometimes men take my friendliness for flirtiness which I can't really help now can I?!

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 17:09:38

O poor helpless little you. It's such a drag when men mistake friendliness for flirtiness, isn't it? hmm

blueberrypie0112 Sat 23-Apr-16 17:27:13

Flirt, he may just go against the grain and end up being with you instead of some girl for an arranged marriage. But keep your guards up for heartbreak if he is set on keeping his traditions

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 17:36:17

blueberry he isn't really my type especially with his views on women, I realise that now!

And for what it's worth I don't intend to flirt.

goddess I am doing NOTHING WRONG repeat NOTHING WRONG in being friendly and it turns out he thinks I'm flirting or turns it into flirting with me ok?! He's not in a relationship and I don't intend to pursue one with him.

So stop trying to make out I'm committing a terrible crime.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 17:40:57

Has it escaped your attention that the OP is old enough to be his mother has said she'd "lay bets that he wants a fling before he's married" blueberry? confused

goddessofsmallthings Sat 23-Apr-16 17:45:26

Methinks thou dost protest too much, OP, and, as I also think that both of us have wasted more than sufficient time on this inconsquential matter, I shall bid you a fond adieu and hope you'll soon find a more productive activity to occupy you at weekends.

blueberrypie0112 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:13:46

Unfortunately, I know way too many guys who is old enough to be fathers to their wife

CheshireCat9999 Sat 23-Apr-16 18:58:44

He's not engaged. Flirt and enjoy; he is young but so what? And his religion/ethnicity shouldn't really be a blocker to a romantic dalliance if that's what happens.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 20:00:50

So sorry I've wasted your valuable time goddess ps it's "doth" not "dost". grin

Also goddess I've had a lovely time today shopping for food, keeping eye on cat who was depressed, met a friend for coffee and bought a new bag and necklace. Having a takeaway with friend who's due round any minute!

SuperFlyHigh Sat 23-Apr-16 20:03:00

Oh and bloody hell im old enough to be his mother... Since when has that stopped eg Joan Collins or other women with younger men...

Some men actually prefer an older model wink

My mum for example is with a man 10 years her junior seem happy

goddessofsmallthings Sun 24-Apr-16 01:46:34

I trust you are sufficiently familiar with the Bard's work to know that I was not quoting one of Gertrude's lines, OP, and, given your current employment, I would hope you are sufficiently familiar with English grammar to know that in the indicative present tense singular it's I do, you/thou dost, she/he doth.

I also hope that you and your friend enjoyed a pleasant evening deciding which necklace you'll wear on Monday and determining which hairstyle looks most enticing becoming on an older model you. grin

CherryPicking Sun 24-Apr-16 18:43:55

Go ahead and flirt, but he won't change for you.

SajStars Sun 24-Apr-16 20:04:42

You only live once!

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