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threadworms & nits, just need a vent

(37 Posts)
jayho Fri 22-Apr-16 23:52:32


yet again, DS2 has returned from contact with both. The worms have really upset him tonight and last and he's struggled to settle, I've arranged to collect a script for him from our local hospital via 101 to sort in the morning.

I always notify exH if he has anything but it isn't acknowledged or reciprocated and think he isn't open with his partner as he thinks these issues are 'dirty' so her DD isn't treated perpetuating cycle.

V frustrated after 2 hours to settle uncomfortable 7yo


IronNeonClasp Fri 22-Apr-16 23:56:39

Wrong topic?

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:07:25

not really, our relationship is so shit he won't communicate about the children's welfare and it's getting me and potentially harming chidren

IronNeonClasp Sat 23-Apr-16 00:08:51

Ah. Sorry. I'm sorry for this situation of. Hope you get some good advice thanks

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:14:39

Thanks, Iron, just pissed off that yet another weekend is disrupted by action/lack of action by cuntychops...

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 23-Apr-16 00:15:19

That's awful because he should be treating himself, his partner, his DD all at the same time as DS, as well as hygiene protocol (aware I am preaching to the converted).
Seeing as some kids are asymptomatic, it's even more important. Their taps, doorknobs, toilet seat, shared toys and upholstery could all have viable eggs and the never ending nit transfer means you are on a road to nowhere. Am really sorry for you.
I would be approaching the partner directly by letter in the post, get someone else to address the envelope and if it incurs your ex's wrath, tought tits. You can't just dose ovex and hedrin indefinitely... shamrock

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 00:28:19

'DS has had disturbed sleep and discomfort due to him being infected with worms and nits at your home again. I have explained to you that you need to treat your home and those that live there effectively in order to prevent DS being infected. Therefore DS will not be returning to your house until this is done.'

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:29:10

agree, poor little monkey was really distressed last night and tonight about his bottom. Couldn't check last night as he was so lightly settled if that makes sense but checked tonight and immediately callled 101 who were brill but is no solution as he isn't treated by ex.

I don't have contact with current partner - ex extremely ea and controlling - so a bit at a loss...

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:31:51

hmm offred, contact is court ordered so I'M, stuffed. Have messaged asking for confirmation of treatment pre next Contact but I don't think I can block?

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 00:32:25

I seriously would not let him go again until he agreed to treat everyone/the home.

If he agreed and didn't do it and DS got infected I would demand photos of the prescriptions for all household members before I allowed him to return.

If he still got infected I would say he would need to make permanent arrangements for contact in a place that wasn't infected.

It's neglectful parenting this. I just wouldn't let DS go there without insisting it was dealt with.

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 00:34:44

You can.

He would have to go back to court.

You show evidence of repeated infections after contact and his repeated failure to take action over it.

You can certainly ban DS from his home until treated and request contact takes place in a non-threadwormy place of ex's choice.

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:38:34

Thank you, we have two ds and he is currently choosing not to see ds1, despite court order. i saw ds1's ed needs support worker today who suggested his care of ds2 was dodgy hence posting, if I can get away, I;ll run for the hills

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 00:38:38

You're not stopping contact you see. You are requesting he take action to prevent your son being infected. It is his choice whether he does that or not but refusal to do it is effectively him saying he doesn't want to do a very basic thing to protect his child from pain and discomfort in order that he have contact not you saying you won't let him see his son.

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:38:59

it's complex obvs

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 00:40:29

Try to keep in mind that that contact order was made on the perceived facts at the time.

If he went back to court I would make two points;

Neglectful care of ds2
Refusal to see ds1

Happy for him to have contact but not in a way that means the children's emotional and physical wellbeing is put at risk.

Friendlystories Sat 23-Apr-16 00:45:45

I agree with Offred, you can't just keep sending him back to get reinfected. It is neglectful and, presented with evidence as suggested, I don't see how the court could disagree that continuing to send him until the worm/nit problem has been addressed is not in his best interests. Your ex is basically fucking with his childs' health, repeated infection and treatment is not good for him and may well become ineffective over time. Stand your ground OP and be clear, no treatment, no contact.

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 00:53:15

I've texted ex asking for confirmation of treatment prior to allowing next contact on weds, if he doesn't respond? can I withdraw?

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 01:26:03

You should get a free half hour with a solicitor who will be able to give you a fuller picture of how the law will apply her or visit CAB who can give you information about the rules but not a full picture of how they apply.

My opinion and I stress it is only that is as follows;

Legally (in England and Wales) if you withdraw contact you can face consequences if he applies to court again and they consider that you have not behaved reasonably.

Usually this is simply them making another order. Especially if time had passed and the old order has simply broken down for various reasons.

It can be giving him residency or holding you in contempt which can mean a prison sentence. The court virtually never orders prison for parents in contact disputes, only in the most extreme circumstances and will only change residency where a parent is considered to have deliberately and repeatedly flouted orders without justification and simply because they didn't want the other parent to have contact.

In this case he has already broken the order by not wanting to see ds1. It may not apply as a result, unsure.

You have concerns about ds2 welfare in his home. You have asked him to address those concerns and he has not.

It is not good for ds1 or 2 for only one of them to have contact (I risked contempt of court in my case by refusing to allow xp to take only one child as it would be very damaging to their relationship with him and each other if that happened) and ds2's physical health is being neglected in his care for no good reason.

You are not preventing your ex having contact by saying he needs to address the situation in his home or DS can't go there. You are simply saying unless he addresses the situation in his home which is hazardous to DS' health he will have to make arrangements for him to have contact with his son in a venue that is not hazardous to DS' health...

Do you see?

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 01:30:42

0300 330 5480 - Coram family law helpline for free legal advice

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 01:47:17

You could do with collecting evidence just in case I think. A folder with details of DS2's infections and treatments including dates which it can be demonstrated match with his contact. Evidence that he broke the order first by deciding not to see DS1, when that happened etc, evidence that you raised concerns with him and if possible that he has not acted on the concerns, evidence from HCPs involved who have concerns about his parenting if possible, evidence showing that you are insisting that he can maintain contact as agreed if he deals with the worms in his home or sees DS in a different environment that doesn't pose a risk to his health and that, if he doesn't respond, he hasn't responded.

And if he doesn't respond at all DS doesn't go on Wednesday. You repeat the risk in his home needs to be dealt with or he needs to see him in a place that doesn't pose a risk or he needs to go back to court if he thinks that is unreasonable.

jayho Sat 23-Apr-16 01:48:37

greatly appreciated Offred

gamerchick Sat 23-Apr-16 09:09:17

Why did you get a prescription? You can buy the stuff you need over the counter.

The bairn in that house he's catching them off must be suffering terribly, it's neglectful.

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 09:55:11

It's free if you get a prescription

gamerchick Sat 23-Apr-16 10:25:45

Right in that case you walk into a chemist and ask for the stuff on the script and fill the form in.. Ringing 101 and asking the hospital for a prescription is overkill and then you have to trek to the hospital pharamacy.. Does that mean people make their kids suffer until they get a doctors appointment just so it's free? confused

Offred Sat 23-Apr-16 11:11:08

It's not overkill. With a child's health it is inportant to get some idea of a diagnosis and it is much less of a burden on the NHS to call 101 than book an appointment. Plus if your child is in significant discomfort in the night because of an undiagnosed condition the only other thing to do would be to go to a&e.

It was sensible to call 101 mainly to confirm it is threadworms but also because it isn't a misuse of health services.

I don't understand the criticism or how it is relevant to the thread.

If you wouldn't seek diagnosis and would just buy medicine then you do that but it is hardly irresponsible to get a diagnosis before getting medicine. hmm

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