Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm really scared that I'm about to have my heart broken.

(25 Posts)
DelphiBlue Fri 22-Apr-16 21:39:46

I've never posted on relationships before but I feel truly desperate and have nobody to talk to.

I have been with DP for 4 years. We have one child who is 2 and I have a child who is 4 from a previous relationship. DP is 'daddy' to them both.

We have always had a wonderful relationship. The kind of love I never imagined could exist and I know I may sound like a twat but I literally love him so much that it hurts. When we met it was like everything just suddenly made sense. We've had some tough times of course but I'd never been worried about our relationship until now.

I can't put my finger on what is going on. I know that he loves me deeply and I don't believe he'd ever cheat on me but for the last week or so he's been so shut off. We're both having a tough time at the moment but we usually open up and lean on eachother and he's so distant. We're arguing every day and I'm not even sure why. He won't give me straight answers and it seems like he's dropped a few hints about us breaking up but when I ask him straight out if he's trying to leave me he says he'd never do that. I just feel so lost and worried.

I don't know what to do. I'm worried I may be rambling on a bit. Do I need a kick up the bum? He's the first person I've ever had such feelings for and so this is an alien situation for me and I don't know what to do.

notnearlythereyet Fri 22-Apr-16 22:11:08

That does not sound easy. Has he stopped the affection completely? Maybe take a step back and try to see if he steps up? Sorry no words of wisdom but sending you 💐

DelphiBlue Fri 22-Apr-16 22:23:17

He still tells me he loves me every day but it's just different And seems to be only after I say it

We've had sex once this week which is very unusual for us blush

He's told me I'm being paranoid but I know him and there is clearly something not right. I just don't know how to get through to him when he's being so strange with me

grubbyslippers Fri 22-Apr-16 22:27:08

Maybe stop worrying and making the air a bit awkward- he may be tired, tough time at work, worried about some thing that's not about your relationship- chill and step back a bit

springydaffs Fri 22-Apr-16 22:31:11

Gosh that sounds really painful op.

How has he dropped hints about breaking up? What has he actually said /done.

DelphiBlue Fri 22-Apr-16 22:38:26

He says things like 'I can see the inevitable coming' and when I ask what he's talking about he said 'I can bring you to the water but I can't make you drink sorry' confused

He just won't come out and say whatever it is that he's talking about but it's weird little hints or riddles like that then when I ask him if he's trying to leave me he says he'd never do that?

I know I'm panicking but I'm at a complete loss and if he did leave it would absolutely break my heart. We're engaged and I can only imagine being with him.

tipsytrifle Fri 22-Apr-16 23:05:04

DelphiBlue - that's such an unbearably cryptic response from him that I had to respond to you just to say hang in there with your soul intact. I totally get your panic and sense of loss. I think for now you have to think practically that the end might be upon your relationship. If you have the strength for clarity then you could demand it of him. Like what the hell is he on about?

Riddles are no-hopers ad it's soul destroying, if not downright cruel, to play guessing games about your future. Perhaps it's time to start working out how you stand with finances, housing and the rest?

LuluJakey1 Sat 23-Apr-16 00:03:14

He sounds a bit up himself to be honest. 'I can lead you to the water but I can't make you drink' ! Who does he think he is?
If he had any integrity he would be honest with you and straightforward. I think he needs a few straight words about his behaviour and communication skills. Instead of waiting for him to break your heart, take control of the situation and tell him what you want and expect from him and don't accept anything less. He is being very unfair.

BlueFolly Sat 23-Apr-16 01:57:28

It's only been a week. It seems odd that after a relationship of 4 years you're so worried about an off week.

GraysAnalogy Sat 23-Apr-16 02:17:34

I've completely changed what I was going to say after he told you the 'I can lead you to water' line. What a gobshite!

I think you need to be a bit firmer and ask exactly what the hell he meant by that.

Don't let him take the piss OP, I know you love him and don't want to lose him but don't put up with his cryptic shit. He either tells you what it is or he deals with it.

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 08:53:03

What is the "tough time" he is going through at the moment?

NFmama Sat 23-Apr-16 09:10:01

I also think he needs to get a grip and stop talking to you in riddles! If there's a problem he needs to address it with you properly.

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 10:23:10

If he is having an affair then he will talk in riddles and be very confusing as he doesn't know himself what he wants yet. He may not think he wants to leave you but he may have had his head turned and is waiting for the shit to hit the fan.
Is he holding on to his phone and being protective of it? Staying out later at work etc?

Teaandcakeat8 Sat 23-Apr-16 10:34:11

I think in this situation you should listen to your instinct. After 4 years you will know when something is up. The talking in riddles is not on but lots of men (in my experience) find it difficult to be honest with themselves let alone a partner. If he wants out he may be trying to make you initiate the end by acting off or he may be confused and working through it in his own head. It might hurt but you really need to lay it on the line for him to be honest with you. If it's over you have a life to be getting on with.

DelphiBlue Sat 23-Apr-16 10:59:21

I realise it seems like I'm overreacting after just a week but we are never like this and we really have been through some shit times before.

He's very stressed about work and we are at a point where we're going to need to make some big decisions soon regarding relocating and it's taking its toll on both of us.

I don't think he's cheating at all. He hasn't been protective with his phone - I usually know where it is more than he does - and other than when he's at work (normal hours) he's with us.

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 11:31:01

Ok could be that things are going to change but not how you planned. Maybe you both can't afford the wedding you planned or you can't afford to relocate anymore. Could his job be on the line ?

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 11:32:28

When you had sex, did he still kiss you?

DelphiBlue Sat 23-Apr-16 11:56:33

We're not planning a huge wedding - I've told him I'd be happy to marry him in my PJs if needs be. We're relocating for his work and his role at work is changing. He'll actually be making more money than he has been but with a lot more responsibility and I know he's found that quite stressful. I don't want him to take it if it's too much for him and I have told him that.

The sex was as great as it usually would be and yes he did kiss me.

I'm just so lost right now. Last night he agreed we need to talk but it got very late and he didn't want me to go to bed upset so said we would have a chat later today.

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 12:00:45

Sounds like he doesn't want to take the job then.

Merd Sat 23-Apr-16 12:01:24

Depression? Breakdown maybe? That gets trotted out sometimes as an excuse for shit behaviour but it would fit this.

LineyReborn Sat 23-Apr-16 12:20:10

I'd say it was something to do with money.

DelphiBlue Sat 23-Apr-16 13:51:05

I know he does get low sometimes and depression has crossed my mind but I just don't know what to do when he doesn't seem to want to communicate with me.

Heatherjayne1972 Sat 23-Apr-16 15:54:14

Could he be ill?

Blodynn Sat 23-Apr-16 22:23:08

Hope your talk with him has helped you.

AlwaysBeYourself Tue 26-Apr-16 11:13:34

How did it go Delphi?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now