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Is it appropriate for a man in a relationship to have 1 on 1 drinks with a female he is strongly sexually attracted to?

(186 Posts)
Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:27:09

As the title says really. Would you tolerate this?

GeorgeTheThird Fri 22-Apr-16 18:28:34


Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:28:48

Should have expanded really. He is physically attracted to her, has told her so (but in a more polite way), and has met her for 1 on 1 drinks.

They are colleagues, but do not work together in the same department.

MissBattleaxe Fri 22-Apr-16 18:29:08

Nope. If he was that interested in someone else I'd invite him to leave his relationship with me as such things are not compatible with exclusivity.

Canyouforgiveher Fri 22-Apr-16 18:29:47

Should have expanded really. He is physically attracted to her, has told her so (but in a more polite way), and has met her for 1 on 1 drinks.

I'd say he is open to a sexual relationship with this woman.

UterusUterusGhali Fri 22-Apr-16 18:30:53

No. That's a date.

Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:31:13

Please can someone help me see sense on this.

What is the correct response here from the man? If the OW was the one who initiated the drinks, should he decline knowing that he is attracted to her and could get messy?

Apparently he is just trying to make new friends in a new area.

MummyBtothree Fri 22-Apr-16 18:31:25

Def not...especially since he has gone to the lengths of letting her know that he is attracted to her.

Trooperslane Fri 22-Apr-16 18:31:45

Balls to that. No way.

Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:33:04

Thanks all.

DraenorQueen Fri 22-Apr-16 18:33:53

Nope, it's absolutely not on.

Yoursecondbest1 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:34:35

Depends my dp has had many a drink/dinner with female colleagues while working away. Was not that happy about it but what can you do?

Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:35:44

Difficult as he is a socialite. Many female friends. No previous history of cheating.

Kaperee Fri 22-Apr-16 18:37:13

Yoursecondbest, that is the issue right? It could be innocent. Can't expect people to never ever be attracted to anyone else ever again. But still.

magoria Fri 22-Apr-16 18:37:35

1-2-1 with someone you fancy is a date. Not acceptable in a relationship.

Drinks/dinner with colleagues while working away is very different IMO. There is nothing to say there is an attraction. You would prefer them to eat/drink alone when there is company? I don't think they are the same thing at all.

DraenorQueen Fri 22-Apr-16 18:38:28

I'm not against men and women going for drinks - I have plenty of male mates and I wouldn't be told I "couldn't" go out with them for a few drinks.
When there's the spark of attraction, people behave differently. It's really not ok if he's in a relationship. Why did he tell her he found her attractive?

NashvilleQueen Fri 22-Apr-16 18:38:57

In what context did he tell her that he's sexually attracted to her? Cos that's a bit weird in itself.

I think I'm theory a man could go for a platonic drink with a woman he fancies who is in blissful ignorance. It doesn't necessarily mean that he will be unfaithful (tho it's a real risk). The fact that they've had that convo changes things massively for me. They're both going into it with their eyes wide open.

Yoursecondbest1 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:39:59

Same, depends if you trust them. Sometimes you just have to let it go. I don't believe in trying to control others.

FishOn Fri 22-Apr-16 18:40:34

So he fancies her, has told her so (WTF), and he accepts an offer of drinks?

Surely that could be seen as him giving her the green light?

Fuck that.

Piemernator Fri 22-Apr-16 18:45:03

My DH travels all the time with work, I used to have the odd overnight away and at one point in my career was always off at conferences.

I have never fretted about it because there is really no point, if they are going to they are going to.

loobieloo32 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:45:36

Nope totally inappropriate.

About five years ago my dh was working with a woman who told him she had no friends and wanted to go clubbing but had no one to go with etc. Dh offered to take her clubbing. Bearing in mind I was a sahm who never got to go out due to babysitting issues... I was absolutely fuming he could even consider it. I told him if we went, he could forget coming back.

Dh has female friends btw and I usually have no issues with him going out etc. But this like others said sounded far too much like a date to me. He didn't go in the and she left his work a month or so later. He had never suggested similar since!

user7755 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:47:38

It's a bit odd to tell the wife / partner that you are sexually attracted to someone else and then that you are going for a drink with them - what is his motivation for telling her that? although my dh knows that if either of the 2 from strike back or Hugh Jackman come knocking, I'm off

Piemernator Fri 22-Apr-16 18:50:21

Sorry missed he had admitted to her that he fancies her.

No not acceptable at all but in my blunt style I would suggest that bollocks would end up on platters. Also why the hell is he telling you this? Because he wants you to feel insecure can be my only conclusion.

Yoursecondbest1 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:51:23

I have the attitude as pimernator. If it happens it happens, then you know what to do. I was also a SAHM at the time and it did sting a bit that he was off wineing and dining women around the world. But live and let live, sure I will get my revenge one day. smile

allyjay Fri 22-Apr-16 18:54:08

Nah this wouldn't happen in my relationship. 1. My DP would not be so stupid as to tell me he finds another woman sexually attractive. 2. He would not be so stupid as to tell

ow he found her sexually attractive and 3. He would definitely NOT be going out for drinks with her. And if for some insane reason this did happen, I would either conclude

he'd had a massive blow to the head, rendering him incapable of rational thought, or that his brain had been abducted by aliens leaving only his shell of a body behind.

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