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My DH is a wimp. Would you put up with any of this?

104 replies

wimpyhusband · 22/04/2016 17:04

DH and me are both in our early 50s. The thing that has prompted me to post this is an incident that occurred over the weekend. We were going out in the car and as we were about to drive off, an old man and his dog were walking on the pavement in front of our front gates. The man was walking several metres ahead of the dog. The dog stopped and took a huge shit literally right in front of the gate. The man didn't chastise the dog and just carried on walking. I shouted at the man and he came over and was very apologetic. DH was trying to play it down and telling me to just leave it. He was practically cowering in fear and failed to back me up. The owner didn't have anything to use to pick up the shit, so I made DH go in to get a plastic bag. The old man picked it up and walked away, then we drove off. H was making out that I was overreacting and that I shouldn't have done anything. Would you let a dog take a shit outside your home and let the owner walk off without saying anything? I don't think most people would.

The thing is this wasn't an isolated incident in which DH has acted like a wimp. There has been a few occasions in the past when I have had builders coming to do work in the house. Sometimes they have given me lip while DH has been there but he hasn't said anything. He leaves me to deal with problems, like if there is problem with the boiler for example. It's me who has to make all the phone calls and then greet the worker who comes out to sort it. DH usually hides upstairs until they've gone. When DS (22) was a child, whenever there were problems at school it was always me who would go up to the school to sort things out. There was a time when DS was in primary school and getting bullied. One time I went up to discuss it with the headteacher and the other kid's dad was there staring at me and making threats. DH didn't do anything about it. No doubt he would have been shitting himself if he was there. Also whenever I would invite DS' friends to the house when he was little, DH would act weird around the other kid's parents. He would just nod his head and say yes to everything while I did most of the talking. I could tell that the other parents thought something was weird about him. Also when we are in the car he gets angry at other drivers very easily. He will shout and make gestures at them but he checks to see if it's a man who's driving before he continues. He soon pipes down if it is a man. I think he had quite a rough childhood but he doesn't like to discuss it. I think his dad was an alcoholic and abusive and that might be a factor in why he acts scared around other blokes. He also complains a lot about his job. He's been in his current position for 12 years and moans because he never gets promoted. I find myself suspecting that it might be because he doesn't stand up for himself enough. I would like to ask what other people think.

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DrE678 · 22/04/2016 17:10

You sound very domineering. He doesn't sound like a wimp, just someone who doesn't like confrontation and possibly isn't hugely comfortable socially. Do you tell him you are unhappy about all these things? If so, his self-esteem is not likely to be very high. I didn't see a need for him to step in or defend you in any of these situations, it's the 21st century. Maybe you need to accept his personality for what it is.