Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Lying

21 replies

Saywhatisay99 · 22/04/2016 12:36

I can't get over things that have happened, dh messaged a local escort last year he says it was just for excitement and nothing else. I'm so cut up everyday I sit and I'm just not myself, I go through phases of complete silence. No one knows. I pretend everything is fine at work and home but truth is I struggle to get by through a day I feel relieved when I can go to sleep. Am I being silly? Should I just get over it?

OP posts:

Report

Saywhatisay99 · 22/04/2016 12:37

We have an amazing house, family, great life I don't know what to do

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 22/04/2016 12:59

How did you come to find out? And how has he proposed to fix things?

Uncoping · 22/04/2016 13:07

We have an amazing house, family, great life I don't know what to do

That's not true, if you had a great life you wouldn't be like this and your husband wouldn't be contacting escorts.
Is the pain you're feeling now really worth putting up with for the sake of material things like an amazing house?

Have either of you been to counselling?

BirthdayBetty · 22/04/2016 13:11

He has betrayed your trust, I would feel the same op. I don't think you can 'just get over it'. Is this a deal breaker for you? Only you know the answer.

goddessofsmallthings · 22/04/2016 14:44

If he'd wanted "excitement" he could have gone white water rafting or taken up another mentally and physically challenging hobby such as sky-diving without a parachute.

Is he saying that he derived all the "excitement" he needed from the mere act of messaging an escort agency and that he never intended to meet up with a hooker? If so, he's a lying little toad who has most probably already utiliised the services of sex workers and, if not, it won't be long until he does.

As you already know, your "great" life is a sham; a travesty of how it may look to outsiders. He's wiped out any "excitement" you once had about your "great life" and you've been reduced to simply going through the motions.

Everything comes iwth a price and only you can determine whether the toll your discovery is taking on your mental and emotional wellbeing is a price worth paying.

Fwiw I wouldn't be able to 'get over' something like this as, quite apart from issues of trust, I couldn't live with a man whose disrespectful behaviour caused me to lose the respect I once had for him..

.

Saywhatisay99 · 22/04/2016 16:10

How do I explain to him how I feel? Without sounded like I'm insane, i don't even know how I would bring it up?

OP posts:

lovecamping · 22/04/2016 16:14

i've been asking myself the same question since dh betrayed my trust! Although mine is only a few months ago, I'm finding myself questioning everything he says - is what he says true or just lying to me & hoping I don't find out! It's all shit really...

Jan45 · 22/04/2016 16:16

He must have a bloody idea how you feel, he's been in touch with escorts!

Don't blame you for feeling crap and questioning the relationship, sounds like he's doing FA to make you feel secure or that he won't do it again, I'd recommend kicking his vile arse out so you can have peace in your head.

pocketsaviour · 22/04/2016 20:28

How do I explain to him how I feel? Without sounded like I'm insane, i don't even know how I would bring it up?

How about
"I'm not coping with the fact that you've been banging sex workers. How do you propose to regain my trust?"

Ball's in his court then.

What exactly has he done since the discovery to make you feel more secure?

Have you had an STI check? Most sex workers will insist on using condoms, but nothing's 100%.

AnyFucker · 22/04/2016 20:37

Of course you can bring it up with him. Your husband is a punter.

You can say and what the fuck you like. You don't have to get over it.

AnyFucker · 22/04/2016 20:38

Say and do

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 22/04/2016 20:39

Nope, you really shouldn't just get over it.

Saywhatisay99 · 22/04/2016 20:44

Yea had an sti check, I suppose he's more open with his phone but deletes stuff like porn 'in case I get upset' really he could be looking at anything. He never has a chance to actually do anything now I suppose as his new job is set hours. He tries to reassure me and he's very loving but I just feel like screaming sometimes at him, he's ruined everything

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 22/04/2016 20:44

Hi lovely you ask how you explain it

You say ever since that incident I think of nothing else
I have periods of silence because I can tell no one how I feel and it's like I'm screaming in my head
The only relief I get is when I go to bed and sleep

I cannot do not do this anymore it's driving me insane?

Joysmum · 22/04/2016 20:56

He hides things because he knows it pissed all over your boundaries. He hides it because he knows he has to.

Therefore, he knows he's doing wrong but it's more important to him to behave the way he is than your feelings are to him.

He's a selfish cunt who will never respect your needs.

Saywhatisay99 · 22/04/2016 21:02

I know so much I should kick him out I know it, bit the emotional torment is killing me I'm so scared he will find someone amazing and I'll be left by myself with the kids

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 22/04/2016 21:22

I'm so scared he will find someone amazing and I'll be left by myself with the kids

Who do you think is going to have a harder time finding a new partner?

A loving and caring woman who is a great mum
or
A man who bangs sex workers behind his wife's back

I mean really?!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 22/04/2016 21:25

Oh you poor thing. Is that all he is though 'better than being alone'? It sounds to me that you want him to suffer and be sorry, but even if he is, he'll not tell you unless you talk to him.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 22/04/2016 21:27

I think a woman with two kids will have a harder time pocket, but that's because he'll have more freedom and time. But so what, my kids would be the prize! Someone else would be getting soiled goods, but just not realise.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 22/04/2016 21:37

I'm single, I would love to meet someone but not at any cost. Don't you think you are worth so much more than being stuck with a nasty shit of a player?

AnyFucker · 22/04/2016 21:38

Have you just one friend or family member you could confide in ?

You are looking for support from the one person that crapped all over you. That doesn't make sense.

Stop keeping his dirty secrets and get some help for yourself

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.