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8months pregnant, separated and very confuse!

(5 Posts)
Becky465 Thu 21-Apr-16 23:00:52

I need advice. My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 year 2 of which married. We had a planned pregnancy but at 23 weeks he suddenly turns to me and tells me he is unhappy and I'm the problem. I don't understand where it has come from. Because we had been more couply more affectionate and had been spending more time together and seemed stronger than ever before, seemed happier too. Then he comes out with he's been unhappy for awhile and I've not seen it or tried to help him. He always used to say that he was unhappy in his job, and I would offer support and advice each time. He never said he was unhappy with in our relationship, not until he kicked me out. Now I am homeless, disabled and heavily pregnant. I have nothing. I am sleeping at my mums but can't stay with the baby due to the house being full already. I have nothing. No money to get into private renting, and still waiting on social housing. Which in reluctant to take as the areas are very rough and unsafe and I fear for me and the baby. I'm scared and I feel very stressed and alone.
What makes it worse is that he is still talking to me, still claims he loves me and misses me but isn't sure if he is "in love" with me. He says that he will always be there for me to help and support me but he doesn't know what he wants from the relationship. I don't know what to do. I want my marriage to work and I want to be a family but he has hurt me so much and is currently messing with my head so much that I can barely think. Non of this make sense to me. I don't know what to do. Please help.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 22-Apr-16 01:40:50

Why have you moved out when he has no right whatsoever to make you homeless?

You've said he 'kicked you out' but, as you are married to this callous attention seeking twat, you have as much legal right to stay in the marital home as he does and I suggest you move back and tell the poor diddums that if he's dissatisfied with your marriage he can fuck off find alternative accomodation as it should be patently obvious to him that your need for a stable roof over your head is far greater than his.

Jeez, who does he think he is? Master of all he surveys? It's time to disabuse him of that particular notion and if he can't shape up, he can ship out of your life and leave you to raise his planned dc alone - and I have no doubt that once you're settled again you'll be a wonderful, and wonderfully happy, single parent

With regard to your housing application, it can't be said that all council/social housing is situated in rough/unsafe areas and it can be the case that what some may consider to be a 'rough' area has a more sociable/thriving community than other seemingly more desirable areas, but in any event the fact that you have a disability should have some bearing on the type of property and location you are allocated.

Many councils have resorted to renting private accomodation to house those who are in urgent need and I also suggest you make contact with Shelter who may be able to advocate on your behalf or suggest an organisation or charity local to you who can do so. If you don't intend to kick him out move back to the marital home, you're best advised to pull out all the stops to advance your application by getting your midwife/antenatal team, GP, local ward councillors etc on the case and copy all correspondence to your MP.

If you're on a council waiting list you can be nominated to a housing association and I suggest you have a scout around the areas you would like to live in to see if there are any new builds/renovations under way that have a billboard showing the name of a housing association and give them a call.

That said, imo you should seek legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law with a view to becoming the sole occupant of the marital home - Shelter may also be able to advise you in this respect.

I reckon something's been added to the water supply as there are a number of other OPs with current threads whose partners have also abandoned them late in pregnancy and you'll be in good company on this board.

flowers Take heart, OP. It WILL get better and you'll always find support and encouragement here 24/7.

sadandconfused465 Fri 22-Apr-16 07:49:37

Thank you goddess, unfortunately I can't move back because it wasn't our home it was a temp situation and we were at his mothers. I have no rights.
I've been looking at the housing associations around the area (Wednesbury, Sandwell) and now it's just a matter of waiting.
I don't want to file for divorce as I'm still in denial that this is even happening as well as I have no money to my name to afford one,
I don't even have enough money to get into private to then have the council pay my rent, I don't have a job due to my disability and what money I do get barley covers the car payments (car is in my name). I'm in a terrible situation and I feel very overwhelmed.
I'll look into shelter, and other charities and see if I can get housed that way...before the baby gets here.
I agree there must be something in the water. He has completely changed as a person, but still says he'll be there for me to look after me after the birth. I don't think I want him there at all, he confuses me and messes with my head. He says one thing yet acts in a different manor and I'm not sure which one to take, because both his words and actions change from positive to negative and a daily bases. I'm like a yoyo.

I want my marriage to work but each time I reach out I get hurt even if he tells me I need to reach out to him.
I think I need to stop talking to him, focus on me and the baby and see if he comes to his senses but I'm afraid if I stop talking to him then that's it's.
Guess I need to be brave and take that risk.

Iamdobby63 Fri 22-Apr-16 17:53:44

Hi, sorry you are going through this. You say it was a temporary living situation with his mother, how long were you both living there and where were you before moving in with her?

And yes I would leave him alone to stew on his decisions.

sadandconfused465 Fri 22-Apr-16 20:04:25

We were living in a one bed apartment before hand that we had rented together for 5 years. But due to my illness I lost my job resulting in us losing the flat. He never wanted to move in with his mum and we have both been very unhappy being there. It was meant to be for only a year while we saved for our own place but we had ALOT of step backs and saving never really happened.
I've told him that I'm not coping with it all and I need space till he knows what he wants.
I am now faced with really hard choice, do I move back to the area he is in to work on us or do I stay close to my family. I want my marriage to work so badly! I want to be a family. I just don't know what to do

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