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someone bitch slap me into reality

(32 Posts)
NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 10:41:48

Ok I'm in a position where I wish I could be indifferent about my ex. He has done some dreadful things I know I can't forgive him for but for some reason I'm still hung up on him ? It's on my mind constantly and i just want to move on which is the sensible thing to do. I've resorted to coming on here rather than call or text him.

PirateSmile Wed 20-Apr-16 10:44:45

You have to move on. Find a way and do it. You will have a shit life if you don't. Choose to live well from now on.

RaeSkywalker Wed 20-Apr-16 10:46:08

When did you split up?

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 10:46:24

Delete his number - don't allow the temptation to be there when you hit a low point.

AntiqueSinger Wed 20-Apr-16 10:48:49

Need more detail. How long was your relationship? Where did it go wrong? Why did you break up? Who broke up with whom?

Give us the appropriate information, then we can 'bitch slap' away <fills glove with brick>

Toomuchinfo1 Wed 20-Apr-16 10:52:30

Don't text/call him! It will make you feel so much better if you can resist the temptation.

I agree that more info is needed, but in the meantime, I hope you are ok, and I promise that you will be able to move on eventually. I do believe that no contact is always the best start.

xxx

NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 11:08:29

We split a year ago and he contacted me continuously not quite allowing me to move on. Example leaving a rose on my car for valentines, fixing my car , lunches out. All initiated by him. At one point I told him no more harassment or I would go to police. Then I found out he had been in a relationship the whole time we split and was planning a trip to New York with this woman who I was suspicious about whilst we was together. New York was where we had gone on our last special trip. He had been sleeping with us both. He told me none of this instead I got sent a photo of them together from his girlfriend which hurt immensely. Suddenly I wanted him back because of jealousy I suppose ? I don't know I've had therapy and been doing really well. I went out on a date with someone and he called me to say he has dumped the girlfriend and won't be going away to New York with her and please can we try again offering to get couple counselling. I feel I couldn't really forgive him but have conflicting feelings. I'm confused don't know why he has a hold over me ?

RaeSkywalker Wed 20-Apr-16 11:20:15

Right. You said in your OP that you can't forgive him- so it sounds like you can't get back together with him.

He's manipulating you, trying to keep you hanging on. He also sent you a very cruel photograph. I think you need to step back, now. Send a final message saying you do not want to see him again and will not respond to further contact. Then do not respond. If he approaches you, ask him to leave. If he leaves roses, calmly bin them. Block his number, block him on Facebook, move on with your life.

He is currently toying with you, treating you as his backup option. Don't let him, you deserve so much more.

RaeSkywalker Wed 20-Apr-16 11:21:48

Every time he does something, look at it calmly, see it as what is- manipulation. Do not let him control you. It will be hard but you need to pull yourself out of this situation.

pw2212 Wed 20-Apr-16 11:24:52

I'm in a similar situation but I think you need to think about whether you miss him or the things which you had planned etc. I think a lot of the time I miss having someone but that seems to turn into missing the ex.

It's hard to explain sometimes as my ex had numerous affairs and is currently with the last one ( who was also a family friend) and I know I would be mad to take him back, although we were together over 20 years and have 2 children together.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Toomuchinfo1 Wed 20-Apr-16 11:26:56

I agree with the above post (Rae).

He is playing with your emotions and keeping you hanging on. He probably just doesn't want you to get with anyone else.

don't give him the satisfaction OP. block block BLOCK!

xxxxx

Costacoffeeplease Wed 20-Apr-16 11:43:21

I'd be fucking furious with him after that behaviour, not wondering if I could take him back. What a twat

Get angry, laugh at him, whatever it takes, but get a bit of self respect and block and delete him

AntiqueSinger Wed 20-Apr-16 12:07:34

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. When you hadn't moved on and he thought you were just hanging around free for him to pick up whenever he wanted he had the 'upper hand' - hence showing you cruel photo and doing things to keep you in the 'emotional turmoil and can't move on zone'

Now that you've taken things in hand and are getting on with it and are stepping out with someone else, he's woken up and decided he'd like another chance to press your buttons both literally and metaphorically speaking.

He's a time waster. He hasn't got a solid plan for his life and he definately isn't someone stable enough to give you the things you might want in future, such as kids (i'm speculating) or anything that requires responsibility and commitment. He's far too wishy washy for any of that.

Pat yourself on the back for escaping a future life-time of misery, and keep steppin.

NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 15:36:26

This is why I love MN ! Fantastic advice from all and I know it's all true. Hearing it from others helps me gain perspective and strength. I don't want to be dumb and I don't want to be unhappy. I'm waiting for my second assessment for second lot of therapy and it can't come soon enough.

Toomuchinfo1 Wed 20-Apr-16 15:56:02

Well done OP.

I agree . . .MN is a great place to come for a sounding board. even if you know what the advice will be. I wrote a while ago about my horrible relationship, and I almost didn't bother pressing 'send' as I knew what people would say.

I got the best advice and some really lovely comments.

Good luck for your therapy, take care of yourself xx

RaeSkywalker Wed 20-Apr-16 15:59:23

flowers good luck Necking!

redexpat Wed 20-Apr-16 17:25:41

So basically he is keeping you hanging just in case things don't work out with the other woman. You're his plan B. I think you're worth rather more than that, don't you?

NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 17:43:45

Yes redex I'm thinking that too sad

tiredofeverything Wed 20-Apr-16 18:04:02

Hi OP we spoke b4 on one of your previous threads. Rushed post but I'm Sorry you're not in a great place but be strong, I went back and I'm now regretting it blush stay strong x

Yoursecondbest1 Wed 20-Apr-16 18:13:55

Yes he is just treating you as a back up plan - move on, do things for you that make you happy smile

goddessofsmallthings Wed 20-Apr-16 18:27:28

He's going to New York alone? hmm In that case he'll be able to transfer his current former gf's ticket into your name or buy another so that you can accompany him - that would be a far more romantic gesture than leaving a rose on your car and show that his deeds match his cheap words.

FGS stop having sex with this lying toad and stop hyping a relationship that had clearly run it's course into epic proportions as it's no more than a B movie and not worthy of a big screen production.

^ ^ This is what I posted on the thread you created last Friday and I don't see cause to alter it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2615279-to-be-or-not-to-be

NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 18:54:29

Yes he asked me to go to New York with him which I thought was absolutely a no. The idea of staying in a hotel with him he booked for her it was just all ruined. Your right it's more than run its course.

LeaLeander Wed 20-Apr-16 18:58:05

Why would a man so immature, fickle, manipulative and frankly idiotic even be of interest, seriously? A stupid game-playing cheater with the maturity of a 10-year-old? I wouldn't even give a "man" like that 15 seconds of headspace let alone any part of my one precious life here on earth.

NeckingtheNightNurse Wed 20-Apr-16 19:03:35

Well I think what has happened is after 3 years of emotional control and because of my vulnerability I have become a bit of a victim but I'm really trying to leave that drama which is why I am taking steps to reach out like creating this post and others on MN

RudeElf Wed 20-Apr-16 19:11:01

You do not need slapped (not saying the other word) you need reminded that you are worth SO MUCH BETTER than anything this shithead can ever offer you.

YOU get to set your standards. He doesnt get to decide what you get in a relationship. You do, so decide to have better. Decide to be treated better, decide to be treated how your actually deserve to be treated. Choose better OP.

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