Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
   
2. Develop a thick skin.
   
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
   
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
   
5. Trust your gut instinct.
   
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
   
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
   
8. If it's not fun, stop.
   
9. Loo update is mandatory.
   

10. No dating the thread.
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will.
12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)
13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good.
14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

[AnnaChronism]

And Amy Young!

[DrFoxtrot]

Of course! Somebody with a decent memory needs to start thread 104 and include a new rule .

[JollyXmasJumper]

Place marking! Can't sleep..argh.

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Place marking too...and hoping Handy is ok

[muddlingalongquitenicely]

Morning
I am messaging 3 new irons but its hard work. Only one so far has asked me a question the others its me asking and responding to their answers and 2 of them haven't sent a response to my last message yesterday.

[Aknowingsmile]

Morning all! Place marking and waiting to hear Handys positive news

[ashmts]

How do you manage to juggle irons?! I have two (kind of). The guy from work and another guy from Tinder. Problem is I'm worried about going out with Tinder guy in case I bumped into work guy cos he's the one I'm actually interested in.

Update on work guy also - see him around occasionally and things aren't awkward any more, we're being friendly. I did add him on Facebook. I had kind of lost hope but then someone we've both worked with (I only met her two weeks ago) asked me the other day if he had asked me out cos apparently he had told her he was going to. So I don't know if he's too shy or if he's worried about us working together. No idea what to do.

[MrsRolandRat]

Marking place.

1. I will comment more on this thread 2. I will have a date by the end of this thread if I can be bothered!

[TooSassy]

Morning lovely ladies

Am place marking although not sure how much I will post. Two of my RL irons have been cleared out and I am no longer on any dating apps.

tree2 is not available for a relationship and I can see myself totally being suckered into falling for him despite that. His texts are beyond lovely, funny, sweet and attentive. So I've stopped it and am not going to see him. We were due to spend Saturday together.

realthing has been messaging me. Instigating all contact. Then a mutual friend of ours contacts me to find out the relationship status of a drop dead gorgeous friend I have. She's 10-15 years younger than him and he wanted to ask her out. . No idea what his game is either so he gets nothing further from me.

So lots of great stuff planned with my girlfriends. Fun is the theme of this summer!

Best of luck to everyone else dating and all the ones on the swoonsome bench.

[ALaughAMinute]

Morning all,

I had a moment of realisation yesterday when my friend asked me to describe the kind of man I am looking for and when I told her she said I had exactly described my ex husband. It seems I am looking for tall,, dark, handsome, educated, alpha male type instead of someone decent and kind who will make me happy. WTF is wrong with me? This has made me realise that I need to think again so it's back to the drawing board for me!

Anyway, I am marking my place so I know where to find you.

Any dates on the horizon?

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Morning all!
Things are still going well on the Bacon front. We were messaging last night but it was all very flirty...and heading towards steamy which was lovely but this morning I was fretting that he wasn't messaging enough and when he did it was just flirty and not chatty etc etc and up pops a message from him saying Good Morning and wittering about the lovely weather. So, happy Freaky again! Until the next wig out...but they are getting less frequent, less severe and more rational. I am wondering if/when/how much I should tell him about my anxiety. It's not the most attractive of my qualities but he has the right to know I suppose. We'll see if it comes up this weekend.

ashmts Friendly and not awkward is a good place to be, I think. Try and keep that going, maybe he's just working up the courage to ask you out.

Sassy Hi! And shame about your irons but sounds as though you are doing the right thing by ditching them both before things go too far.

[HandyWoman]

Hello all, am just checking in after last night because you are all brilliant and rootin' for me and I didn't do a loo update (can't really do round his) I luffs you lot...

Stayed over night. Had the chat. Not exactly a comfortable chat, nor was it a ringing endorsement from him but at the same time I am learning more about the man.

My fricking twatty ex could not be arsed to drive 1 mile to collect PE kit for dd1 last night for this morning causing me a massive headache and am now now 1hr late for work. Which is very not OK. Crap start to the day.

When my head gets back together I'll get my head straight and have a splurge about it all. Not drip feeding or attention seeking, just haven't got my thoughts straight on him yet. My thoughts are just swilling around. The main thrust of it is he refuses to be anything but 'going with the flow' which is of course fair enough. And he spoke about how he has come up with this as his dating mantra... But still nothing much more than 'of course I like you or I wouldn't be spending time with you'... Deep down I'm not sure if this means I have to pull back a bit. Dtd last night I think I already have??? IYSWIM?? Your body doesn't lie, does it... I might have to wait and see if his feelings catch up with mine???

Anyway....

New thread woop!!! Thanks DrFoxtrot for our new home!

More later....

[HandyWoman]

Or, alternatively, I can decide that someone who isn't buzzy or excited about having connection and chemistry with me is perhaps - not good enuff??

See? Brain has not computer yet.

Happy dating all - it's a beautiful day for it!!!

[HandyWoman]

computed - sorry marching to office and simultaneously splurging haha

[Toomuchinfo1]

Hi everyone, I've been lurking a bit on your threads :)

I'm newly single and looking to get back out there! Going to set myself up on Tinder tonight!

eeek!

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Oh Handy you do have lots to think about. "Going with the flow" is all well and good if it works for you both, so I guess you need to decide if it's working for you and if not, what would make it work for you and is Twix capable of delivering that? Big stuff.

Carry on splurging and look after yourself today.

[MrsRolandRat]

Handy tough one to be honest.

Honest opinion, if it were me on your shoes and I have been before I would continue my search. From your post it sounds like he's on the fence, maybe he isn't, that's just the way I interpreted it.

Maybe he's the kind who does just go with the flow. That's perfectly fine if you are the kind of person who's happy to do that also with no expectations. However if you aren't then ultimately maybe you aren't compatible in what you want from a relationship.

It's tricky when you really like someone though.

[JollyXmasJumper]

Just popping in one second Handy to say that I have told both of these things to Karmic - it may not sound like it but I think it is positive, from where I stand. Will post more a bit later crazy work day but well done you for having the talk!

[ALaughAMinute]

Handy, maybe 'going with the flow' isn't unreasonable as you've only been seeing each other a relatively short time?

I suppose he could have said he'd like a long-term relationship but it's a bit early days isn't it?

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

Bacon has also told me he's "rolling with it" which for me is actually really reassuring for me just now because I know that all my anxieties stem from my brain leaping too far ahead and expecting too much, so it helps me to chill my boots and remember that this is very early days, we like each other and let's just see what happens. If someone is telling me that they are attracted to me and that we have a connection after 2 dates, then I'm more than happy to roll with that too!
But if I am still hearing that 5 weeks/multiple dates down the line, I'm not sure how happy I'd be...

[HandyWoman]

Thanks. I need to sorta get the convo down for you guys to see the context, who said what when - the devil is in the detail. Meantime...

Of course what he wants is fine. But I need to feel comfy that it's enough for me. Because I interpret that as 'hmmm yeah we'll see, dunno' while all the time talking and sharing and being affectionate and having amazing sex.... It feels a bit like pouring a lovely cup of tea straight into a colander instead of drinking it (WTF analogy is that, even - sorry not slept much). Leaves you with the feeling of loads of potential but nothing more at the min?

Just as an aside - at one point I said I just would like to have an idea if you want to stay in this bubble and just have a casual thing (I told him he doesn't strike me as a casual relationship person - he said he isn't) but he also said 'what do you mean by casual relationship?' I would have thought after 4 years of OLD he would know what I mean?

I think one of the issues is I need someone who is sorta able to have a semi fluent conversation about emotions? It feels kinda hard with him. I was daunted and really had to force myself to have the convo. That's prob the most telling part...

But at the same time he's a lovely quirky person and we certainly share a lot of characteristics. We talk and hang out easily.

Never been more

Oh god I'm on a splurge roll.....

[ScarletBegonias]

May I join in? Although I feel a bit of a fraud as I'm not dating and don't expect to. (Quite old, happily married, silver wedding next year.) But I love these threads. Part of me is really envious of you with the excitement and new beginnings, although another part is relieved that I don't have to put myself through the anxieties and disappointments. Plus dating is a different world these days - online dating, social media, and texts didn't exist at the time when I might have been interested!

Anyway, Handy - I do empathise. Seems to me he ought to be buzzy and excited about his connection with you. As others have said, it's for you to decide whether what you're getting is enough - although it's still relatively early days, isn't it? I also think there are two different questions here: does he want a long-term relationship with anyone, and does he want one specifically with you? I'd have thought he ought to know the answer to the first, if not yet the second.

Best of luck to everyone here. You all sound lovely!