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I'm being an idiot aren't I?

(12 Posts)
InstinctivelyITry Tue 19-Apr-16 16:55:04

I'm being an idiot for wanting a healthy relationship. I'm probably setting myself up to fail.

I'm separated 8 months. It's going well. We're getting along far better than we ever did.

I'm just full of butterflies about meeting someone; whether I'll be liked or appreciated. My marriage was sexless (give or take enough to produce 3 kids)

Should I think about sex therapy for myself? Would it help me to rationalise the intimate aspects of a relationship? I feel I've really missed out and that I've a lot of catching up to do.

Trouble is I'm very unattractive at the minute (v overweight) and whilst it's coming off slowly, I feel worried that life is passing me by. I'm working really hard on building my self esteem, been getting loads of compliments lately from colleagues, friends and family which I'm so grateful for.

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 19-Apr-16 18:27:55

Is there an actual person you're about to meet, or is this a hypothetical "someone"?

Either way, you sound like you're overthinking things. You probably don't need specialist therapy unless there is an actual declared problem. And you are not unattractive.

Your OP reads like you are full of anxiety about problems that don't actually exist yet. I would work on your anxiety, rather than your attitude to sex.

Hissy Tue 19-Apr-16 18:29:12

Give yourself time and love.

You're no where near ready to start in a relationship. Be cool net to with yourself as you are, or as you become. That's a more worthwhile endeavour at this juncture

Hissy Tue 19-Apr-16 18:29:37

Content not cool net

InstinctivelyITry Tue 19-Apr-16 18:44:17

Thanks. I am definitely anxious blushand embarrassed!! I've not got my eye on anyone; I'm working on putting myself on a pedestal - making sure I don't exhalt some bloke just because he's nice to me.

I'm so out of practice and badly burned.

something2say Tue 19-Apr-16 19:25:32

I think you're coming alive again. And why not?
Carry on with that self esteem work and make it a life long project.
Handle yourself as best you can during this roller coaster.
And enjoy it. You deserve it x

InstinctivelyITry Wed 20-Apr-16 10:05:16

Thanks for replies..... I think, when I'm calmer, that things will be ok.

Is anyone able to tell me how specifically they pulled through?

InstinctivelyITry Thu 21-Apr-16 22:07:48

Bump ?

goddessofsmallthings Fri 22-Apr-16 02:30:04

You "pull through" by going forward and resisting the temptation to look back.

Visualise the life you want for your and your dc, see yourself at the weight you want to be and imagine the clothes you'll buy to show off your hot trim shape and see yourself trying them on, 'feel the fabrics, 'see' yourself wearing them at various social functions/activities and add as much male attention as you reckon you can handle to these particular scenes... immerse yourself in these visions, be there and see, taste, hear, smell, and feel them as if they are actually happening.

Add as many scenes and as much detail as you want to these images of your future life, set aside a time each day to lose yourself in them, and keep going forward with confidence that they will manifest in real life. Persistence is the key to creating the life you want but, outside of the time you set aside for daily 'communion' with yourself, as it were, dont indulge in daydreams or rerun parts of your visualisations on a random basis.

As for sex after a long period of abstinence; it's like riding a horse - once learned you'll never forget how to do it and your first sexual partner post-hiatus should be charmed and honoured that you have chosen him to help you get back on the saddle grin

InstinctivelyITry Fri 22-Apr-16 14:01:41

Brilliant advice! Love it 👏👏👏
Going to practice the visualisation more ..... It's sthg I started quite recently but was finding a challenge.

Between that and avoiding overanalysing things I'm sure I'll be getting jiggy before too long


ElllieB1 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:10:48

After I separated, I took time out, went out loads with friends, had fun, lots of me time. When you're happy in yourself a relationship will just be the icing on the cake x

InstinctivelyITry Sat 23-Apr-16 21:00:14

Thank you Ellie. You've hit the nail on the head

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