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A question for women with no family whatsoever and no dh/dp either..

(11 Posts)
splodgee Mon 18-Apr-16 16:19:56

How do you manage mentally with having no-one there for you? Have you managed to be successful in filling the hole in your life? Is it possible to ever feel life satisfaction? I ask because this is the situation I'm in and it's killing me. I ache to belong to someone. To have significant people in my life who are solid and to have that feeling of belonging, being a part of something. I have friends and colleagues but at the end of the day they melt away and I'm left all alone. I'd so love to have an Auntie or sister to visit, parents perhaps, but I have nothing. I wonder if I'll spend my whole life pining. I've tried my very hardest to find a life partner, my longest relationship being 25yrs but he died. I'm now late 50s. Is there anything to fill the chasm or will I always have to live with the pain of belonging to nobody?

heavenlypink Mon 18-Apr-16 16:28:40

Splodgee thanksthanksthanks

I don't really have any answers for you but I can relate to how you're feeling. I often feel like you do but it is frequently through choice that I isolate myself, but then I do worry what will my life be like when I'm older. I think some people might suggest if you have hobbies or interests that bring you into contact with people and that you could start building a relationship with.

CherryPicking Mon 18-Apr-16 16:31:45

I wish I knew. Mostly I just get on with it and try not to think about the future.

ImperialBlether Mon 18-Apr-16 16:32:57

You poor thing. That sounds very tough. Were you happy in your relationship? Would you think about trying to find someone new?

Crispbutty Mon 18-Apr-16 16:44:42

I can almost identify with you. I have lost both my parents, no siblings, and have no children. I do have a partner, and I know that without him I would be utterly lost. After my previous relationship broke up, my ex managed to alienate me from all my friends, (had already moved from the north of england to london when I met him, so all my friends were in the area he lived in). Have now moved again with DP for a fresh start in the South West and dont really know anyone, but I did get in touch with my only cousin, who I had lost contact with over 20 years ago and we are rebuilding our relationship. She is married with children though, and they are their own family unit.

I am 46 now and finally accepting that I wont have children of my own, but fostering is something that I may look into in the next few years as we have the space, time and love to give a child.

Do you like animals? A dog is a great social tool for getting out meeting people.

There is also nothing to say you wont find another partner. 25 years was a long time with someone and you must miss him very much. You are certainly not too old to meet someone else though. My mum was in her mid 60's when she lost my dad and she continued to go ballroom and latin dancing with her friends, and met someone who she then spent almost 15 years with until he sadly died. But in that time I know they had many happy years and a lot of fun together.

Life is what you make of it, and the only caution i can suggest is not to seem too needy to any potential partners when you first meet them. (I have a friend who blows every new relationship in this way as she goes in for the kill as soon as she has been on a couple of dates), and equally be wary of any man who comes across as saying you are the one and hes thinking marriage etc within the first few dates too. Take things slowly.. and good luck. smile

splodgee Mon 18-Apr-16 16:47:46

I am trying to find someone new but it's not that easy is it? Decent men are thin on the ground the older you get but I never give up hope. I've had 13 different dating partners in the last year, I went to considerable lengths to weed out the idiots but they all ended up unsuitable in the end.

AuntyElle Mon 18-Apr-16 17:12:29

I'm so sorry, Splodgee. I feel that I will end up in this situation. It's not what anyone expects is it. flowers
I see people who are surrounded by networks of family and friends and marvel at the difference.

ceecee32 Mon 18-Apr-16 17:41:57

Hi, I am late 50's and almost alone. My mum is 84 and not in good health - when she has gone I will have no-one
To be honest - I just get on with it. I do worry about what would happen if I went into hospital and had nobody to tell where I was. Who would bring my clothes in ??
Who would do my shopping or go to the bank for money if I couldn't get out of the house.

But, I live in hope that I might meet someone - I go out with a few meet up groups but to be honest I don't really let people get close so i don't make friends. I am great at chatting to people and can have a great night out but that;s as far as it goes. I also go on singles holidays and again have met nice people but i keep them at a distance

Not thinking about it gets me through life smile

tipsytrifle Mon 18-Apr-16 18:07:29

I'm 60 and finally realised that the only tail I'm chasing is my own. I am a crazy cat lady and proud of it. I love Nature and the awesome animals who have saved me. Humanity by and large appals and drains me. Very occasionally it might be nice to connect with another human but I'm not prepared to jump through hoops or give them a claim on my life. I love being with my cat tribe. I guard them with my life.

Cocoabutton Mon 18-Apr-16 18:14:12

flowers 25 years is a long time and I think it is understandable to have all the feelings you do. I think you are also right not to settle for someone suitable.

It is funny, I was just thinking - where do you start from scratch if you have no-one? I am a single parent, no family support and a job where people tend to work alone a lot! It takes a lot of energy to motivate myself all the time and be the one giving and caring for DC too. xH is a piece of work, DC don't stay overnight and I find seeing him drains me. It feels a bit like looking at a big empty space relationship-wise the same time as my time being full, if that makes sense!

My slightly mad idea is to do a course at uni which I am interested in. I miss interacting with people mostly and I want to take my job in a new direction. So my advice is really to do something for you, which motivates you, preferably involving other people and see what happens?

Otherwise, I meditate a lot and take heart from the fact that I am part of the world, the world is (can be) beautiful and others face the same struggles as me. That is when I am not feeling unloveable and unlovedsmile

Cocoabutton Mon 18-Apr-16 18:15:11

Gah. Not settle for someone unsuitable!!

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