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Husband left- devastated now he's trying to sell the house(14 Posts)
Hi everyone this is my first post and after reading through many similar posts (that I've found helpful) thought I would do my own because mine is quite different and could do with some advice. OK been married for 10 yrs, together for 12, two kids to DH age 5 and 7 and also a 16 yr old from previous relationship.
Our marriage has always been very loving and although he loves his nights out, I always trusted him.
We've had a bit of a stressful time last 2 years re money, had to live with my parents for 6 months as we were struggling. That put a lot of pressure on us, plus I was having a terrible time at work due to stress from the job and also some of the people I work with weren't very nice, was actually getting bullied at one point but no one would do anything about it when I reported it. I ended up getting signed off with depression and put on anti-depressants.
Just before this we had moved in to a lovely new home and things were looking up in that area, I felt so lucky after my horrible treatment at work to have my lovely husband and home and my gorgeous kids.
But just before Christmas it all went horribly wrong, DH stayed out one night until the next afternoon, I knew right away something wasn't right. I pressed him for answers and he admitted sleeping with a woman he'd met in a bar. Christmas was horrible but I kept going and after his apppologies and telling me he loved me and wouldn't do it again I said I would forgive him but hoped he'd have no more contact with her. He promised no numbers were exchanged and that was that I put it behind me.
Things were a bit strained afterwards but just thought we were working through it, that was until early Feb when he went to work one Monday and didn't come home nor answer his phone. Walked in at 3 am and admitted he'd been with the same tramp he'd slept with in December. i was utterly devastated from that moment on, a one night stand I could cope with but not an affair. From then on he slept in a seperate room, said he wanted to go to counciling, I agreed as I still wanted to save our marriage. We went to 5 sessions and then he gave up after not taking on board anything our councillor recommended in order to heal our relationship. He placed a lot of blame on me, I tried to be understanding about him saying he wasn't listened to by me or got no attention and that this is what he got from OW. I tried so hard to make a go of things but there was no effort at all from him, he was still hardly at home, I as usual was looking after the kids, home etc
When he went out with friends he would come home and carry on drinking. Two weeks ago he did just that but was making a lot of noise listening to music, was 2:30 am and he woke up the kids with the noise. I asked him calmly to stop and he ignored me so I turned off his music, he went mad into a frenzy and attacked me. He put his hands round my throat and called me a disgusting name, then hit me on the face and arms. My daughter called the police, he was arrested and then had to go to court two days later. He's now got a domestic violence order against him where he can't come near me/ speak to me for 28 days.
Im hoping by the end he will come to his senses and be sorry for everything but he's behaved so out of character i think he has some kind of mental problem, maybe depression. I know from his family that he's renting a flat, I hope he's not in touch with OW. it's hard the kids don't know what's going on, they can only see him when he gets them from my mums twice a week. Now ive had another nasty shock today, got a letter re an enquiry about selling our house. I can't believe he would do that and have his kids homeless. Would I have to move if he decides to go ahead and sell? Does anyone know my rights? I will get legal advice first thing tomorrow but won't sleep tonight worrying about it
Sorry for the length of this!
He can't sell the house without a court order which would take years.
He can't do anything. And you shouldn't let him come back home. He's very unlikely to have any sort of issue apart from nasty abusive arseholiness
So keep him out. See a solicitor about an occupation order to exclude him from the house - it may not be too hard as he's been violent towards you.
you will get through this
I don't know all the answers to this and am sure someone more knowledgable will be along in a minute but I don't think he can just sell the house. You say you are married - is your name on the title deeds? If it is then he can't just sell it. If it is not, you will need to see a lawyer to get your interest registered against the property as soon as possible. You are right you need to see a lawyer though.
If you don't have a joint tenancy then you need to put a charge on the house.
He can't sell the house from under you because you are married and it is 50% yours however can you afford the mortgage?
Have you rang CTC and CB to ensure you are claiming all you are entitled to and as a single parent? You may even be entitled to partial council tax benefit.
If both of your names are on the deeds he cannot sell without you agreeing. Even if it is only his name on the deeds you will have a right to stay in the house under the matrimonial/family act because you are married and have children together. I am a conveyancing lawyer. I understand this is deeply distressing for you but in reality he cannot sell the house without your agreement. And from what you have said I think you are going to be much better off without him in the long run
Thanks guys for your advice, I appreciate your kind words Lauriefairycake
Catanddogmake6 yes I'm on the deeds too
RandomMess it's not a huge mortgage I could cope and yes I've sorted my CTC but nothing else, I will look in to council tax benefit, thanks
Thanks Christina thats really reassuring and just seeing my story written down I can see how bad he looks and that was a very shortened version too. He has not been an easy person to be married to. So you're right I know I will be better off without him but it's a very sad situation at the moment
Good. Well I hope that's enough to let you get some sleep tonight. I'm sure you need it.
Where did the letter you got today come from? Was it from him?
If you did decide to have him back, social services would likely be concerned about your DC witnessing future incidents.
The letter wasn't from him, he's not alowed to contact me. The house is shared ownership where we own a large percentage but a small percentage is owned by the housing association so If we were to sell we need to let them know first
Thanks catanddogmake6 I definitely feel more confident about the situation and I will sleep better😊
You will also get legal aid because he has a domestic abuse conviction.
(Though bear in mind that has to be paid back when the house is eventually sold ie it is a charge on the property.)
I imagine things will very much go your/the kids' way. Ime I keep the house until my youngest finishes his first degree.
Thanks springydaffs it is helpful to know that. I assumed it would be when the youngest turned 16 or 18 but that's pretty good that your son gets to finish his degree first
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