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manic depressive boyfriend

(36 Posts)
picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 19:14:02

So like the title suggests, my boyfriend is a manic depressive.
Honestly he has every right to be. He's been through some really horrific things in the past year and a half. I won't go into too much detail, but he's seen quite a few people die (including his mum and friend) in some really horrific ways.
He needs counselling and has been to the GP twice who have given him the number for a bereavement place. He hasn't called.

He has horrific mood swings. He takes all this anger and frustration out on me and then gets even more annoyed when I get upset or tell him to stop taking it out on me.
If I say anything that even slightly demotes I'm "being off" with him he spends the rest of the day arguing and crying until eventually he calms down.
We fight everyday. Usually because I'm "in a mood" with him or something along those lines.

We have a beautiful 10 month old son but my boyfriend has become quite withdrawn and quality time with his son usually consists of putting him in front of the telly and him sitting on his phone.

We broke up briefly a month ago because I was so stressed out and under a lot of pressure from different things and Id had enough.
He tried to take his life and ended up in hospital for a while.
For our sons sake we tried to work things out and for a few days he seemed to stop taking his frustration out on me.
It didn't last long.

I'm at the end of my tether. He's been through horrific times and I want to be there to support him and help him be back to the person he was before all of this. But it's destroying our relationship. I don't know what to do.

Hissy Sun 17-Apr-16 19:20:16

Protect yourself and your child, only he can save himself. He is not entitled to lash out at you for any reason if he's not even going to bother calling a number for support.

seven201 Sun 17-Apr-16 19:26:18

It sounds horrible. Surely the hospital wouldn't have discharged him after a suicide attempt without him getting some support set up? Could you ring his gp perhaps? It's very difficult if someone won't get the help they need.

picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 19:32:57

The hospital and GP have been useless. Both know he's suicidal and depressed. It took two weeks to get an appointment in which he told them everything. They gave him a questionnaire and a phone number for bereavement counsellor and told him to come back next month. I'm fuming!

seven201 Sun 17-Apr-16 20:06:35

Gosh that's awful! I don't know what to suggest but hopefully someone better informed will be along to advise

goddessofsmallthings Sun 17-Apr-16 20:15:09

When was your bf diagnosed as being manic depressive and what medication is he taking?

picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 22:36:00

He was diagnosed a few weeks ago after his first GP appointment but they haven't given him any medication!! My family and I are extremely worried about him and I'm planning to phone the doctors up tomorrow to try and beg them to get him onto something.
He needs counselling to come to terms with all the horrible stuff he's had to witness but for now I think he needs to be on something so he can function properly

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 17-Apr-16 23:00:49

Your son is your first responsibility, then yourself. Anyone else comes after.

Since he's not being a god father or partner in his current state, I suggest you remove yourselves somewhere where his moods won't affect either of you; give your son a chance at a healthy home life.

Your partner deserves compassion. Compassion does NOT mean fighting his battles for him. He is able to phone professinals and make appointments.

Please look after your son and yourself first.

NoMudNoLotus Sun 17-Apr-16 23:05:30

This does sound not sound like bipolar.

Ann there is no way a GP would diagnose bipolar .

If he HAS you need to change GP.

Mood swings and impulsivity / self harm are usually more indicative of personality difficulties ( mental health professional ).

NoMudNoLotus Sun 17-Apr-16 23:09:34

Rice - yes everybody deserves compassion - but also OPs partner has to take responsibility for the way he is choosing to deal with things.

OP what DO you what HCPs to do? Believe me if he were considered high risk he would be in hospital .

If he had experienced trauma and has some personality difficulties there IS no medication.

Mental health is not a quick fix solution. Recovery takes a lot of hard work from the person involved .

quicklydecides Sun 17-Apr-16 23:11:21

Please stop saying he has manic depression.
He almost certainly does not.
He may be traumatised.
He may be depressed.
But he is doing nothing about it.
You phoning up his GP is ridiculous.
Tell your partner you've had enough of his moods and he can come back when he has addressed his problems.
TV and phone fucks sake.
Then exploding at you.
But it's all the doctors fault?

BobbiTheCynicalPanda Sun 17-Apr-16 23:12:53

I was just going to say what NoMud said!
It seems a bit odd to me. A GP can't diagnose bipolar, and it's very rare for health professionals to refer to bipolar as 'manic depression' nowadays.

I think you need to prioritise your self and your child.

Broken1Girl Sun 17-Apr-16 23:35:42

Oh FGS NoMud. People with a range of MH diagnostic labels self-harm, have suicidal ideation & attempts and have mood swings. Can people stop armchair diagnosing PD on here. It's as unhelpful as armchair diagnosing bipolar. We don't have enough information from a post on here to tell.
Medication does help many people with the label BPD. But hey, let those nasty 'low risk' PD scum rot.
I wish MH 'professionals' would get beyond the medical model, and 'I don't like that per

Broken1Girl Sun 17-Apr-16 23:37:39

> oops. - person, so they must have a PD. Some ppl can be bipolar and a nasty twat, you know. Not everyone with PD label is horrible.
And EVERYONE with MH issues has suffered some form of trauma.

Yseulte Sun 17-Apr-16 23:39:40

I was going to say too that GPs can't diagnose bipolar. If that is suspected he should be referred to a psychiatrist.

Yseulte Sun 17-Apr-16 23:41:35

Either his GP is diagnosing beyond his remit using a non-current medical term - or you'd bf is making that bit up...

Yseulte Sun 17-Apr-16 23:43:21


picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 23:49:05

I'm just going off what his GP said. No need to start attacking.
I've left a lot of details out.
And as for phoning the doctors maybe it won't help. Maybe it will. I'm at a loss of what to do.
Unless you've been in this situation before you just don't know what to do. He's very traumatised from everything. I'm sure anybody would if they were to see half the things he has. And honestly it's breaking my heart because I can't do anything. He's was an amazing man and dad before all of this which is why he needs help. So he can get back to his normal self because honestly, he was fabulous

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 17-Apr-16 23:49:48

It doesn't matter if he has a diagnosis. Or what the diagnosis is, if he has one. He is treating you and your son badly. That is not OK. No label on his issues will make it OK.

It doesn't matter what horrors he has been through. Putting you through horrors in response isn't OK.

Clearly being at home with you is not helping him, is damaging you and is almost certainly damaging your DS. Break up again.

He won't get help while you pick up the pieces for him. The kindest thing is to make him fend for himself.

picklepie1 Sun 17-Apr-16 23:53:33

See I believe in the old fashioned way of sticking around and helping to fix the problem. Yes it may not be nice right now and he may be taking his frustration out on me. But that's only because of his mental health.

Also there are ranges of BPD. Ranging from mild to severe. His is mild but he has severe depression if that helps any of you.

Kr1stina Sun 17-Apr-16 23:59:11

Yeah, but the problem is that he's abusing you and it will be affecting your child. You can't help fix that problem .only he can fix it, and he's not going for help .

picklepie1 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:14:32

I just don't know what to do :'( I've insisted he phone the counsellor up tomorrow and he's agreed to do so. We don't live together. We were at his fathers until we got a place sorted but his dad is a very very vile man (a whole other thread) and we moved out for our safety. I went back to my mums but her house is so tiny that my boyfriend couldn't join. He's sofa surfing. We're trying to rent but everytime we get even close to having a place something happens (like the landlord deciding they don't want children there).
I've said until he phones the counsellor he can't come and see me or DS. Does that seem reasonable?

Yseulte Mon 18-Apr-16 00:27:28

Was he diagnosed as bipolar when he was hospitalised for his suicide attempt, or has he been diagnosed subsequently by a psychiatrist and the GP was passing this on?

Were you present at the conversation with the GP?

A GP is not qualified to diagnose serious mental illness such as BP or schizophrenia, only a psychiatrist. Treatment for BP is not bereavement counselling.

So either your GP is not doing the right thing or potentially your bf has told you something that's not true.

NanaNina Mon 18-Apr-16 00:28:11

I think you're getting a hard time on here pickle - but I do agree that a GP can't diagnose bipolar only a psychiatrist can do that. And no medic would refer to "manic depressive" now as that term went out a long time ago.

There isn't any use you phoning the GP as they won't discuss anything with you because of patient confidentiality. It's good he's agreed to contact the counsellor but I think he needs a referral to a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. Can you go to the GP with him (book a double apt) because men are not good at being honest about how they are feeling.

Can I ask how long you have known him and whether he has always been like this - big clue in the vile vile father which must have affected him. You don't need me to tell you that it isn't good for your baby to be hearing rows all day and presumably your mother too, as you mention him crying and arguing all day. I'm sure you're right that he's had a shit life but you know sometimes that means people can never get over it and no amount of your love or patience will make any difference.

I tend to think this r/ship is not going to be right for either of you.

picklepie1 Mon 18-Apr-16 00:39:47

He was seen by a psychiatrist after his hospitalisation who passed on her thoughts to his GP.
I've been with him for a few years now but have known him for a while longer through friends. How he's behaving is not himself AT ALL.
He's such a sweet natured, loving person. It all started when is mum died a year and a half ago. Before then we never argued. Not once. He did absolutely anything to make me happy. I'll admit I'm hard work! I'm very opinionated and outspoken. But he never ever thought I was (still admits that I'm not).
His dad is vile but his mother was so sweet. I wish she was still around, she was the loveliest woman.
He derives all his personality traits from him mother and not his father (thank goodness). It's just everything that has happened to him is making him behave like this.

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