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I've been unceremoniously dumped, help me get over it

(84 Posts)
Kbfdhnb Sun 17-Apr-16 10:04:17

There is an arrow in my side & it fucking hurts. My bf of 6 months has dumped me. There were no arguments, indeed we were planning a mini-break - his idea. Now I have to somehow get over it & put him behind me. I'm in a lot of pain he made me feel incredible and now I'm cut out of his life. How do I get through the pain? I have no family but I do have friends although I don't want to share this with them.

Yoksha Sun 17-Apr-16 10:11:16

Haven't you posyed exact same thread over in chat? confused

Yoksha Sun 17-Apr-16 10:11:43


SingingTunelessly Sun 17-Apr-16 10:14:49

OP probably posted in wrong place first Yosha, Relationships is the right topic for this.

Sorry you're hurting Kd. flowers

SoThatHappened Sun 17-Apr-16 10:21:40

Haven't you posyed exact same thread over in chat?

This concerns you how Yoksha? What's with the confused? God some people.

OP so sorry you're hurting. Things lie this are humiliating and embarrassing. Has he been in contact at all or told you why he did it or has he just ghosted you?

Kbfdhnb Sun 17-Apr-16 10:25:37

I had the 'It's not you it's me' speech.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 17-Apr-16 10:28:51

I saw your thread in Chat yesterday (and caught up this morning), what a coward he is.

It may be little consolation now, but you're well rid of him flowers

I'm glad you've come over to relationships for a bit of a hand hold and a cuppa brew cake

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 17-Apr-16 11:57:38

Time, and no contact. It hurts, but it will pass.

Now is the time to plan things with all those friends of yours. Keep busy and stave off the moping, and time will do the rest.

This will pass. Truly it will.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 17-Apr-16 12:05:33

Anyone who sees ghosting someone as an appropriate way to split up is an arsehole. Muster up some courage and block him on everything so you're not tempted to look, that'll lessen the pain a bit.

Do your friends know about him? You could always just tell them it's ended and you need some distraction/support without detail?

It will hurt but you will get through it. When you feel sad, remind yourself of what an absolute twat he's been.

Kbfdhnb Sun 17-Apr-16 15:55:36

Tonight I have to do the 'walk of shame' and collect my belongings from his porch as he refuses to see me. sad What a coward.

ajandjjmum Sun 17-Apr-16 16:04:04

It's not your shame, it's his. What sort of a man is scared to see you, to hand over your stuff with courtesy? Sounds like you're better off without him.

I know it hurts at the moment. flowers

mysteryknickers Sun 17-Apr-16 16:06:49

aj is right, hold your head up high, you have done nothing wrong.
This is the time to lean on your friends...can you call one?

Mishaps Sun 17-Apr-16 16:13:05

It hurts - lots; but as someone who is getting on a bit, I have to say that it WILL pass and that one day you will look back on this difficult time with a rueful smile. We have all been there one way or another and come out the other side.

The most important thing is not to let it undermine your confidence. It does not mean you are unacceptable in any way - it just means that this guy was not the right one for you. You are still you and will go on to form other relationships, hopefully with the right ones. The problem is his and not yours. You just have to gird up your loins and face the future with confidence.

Hissy Sun 17-Apr-16 16:19:11

What happened love? We're here to hear you if that's what you need (((hug)))

MrsBoDuke Sun 17-Apr-16 16:34:25

It's not your shame, it's his.

aj is right.

You are better off without him, you'll get over it eventually I promise.
Head up, stick your chin out and get your stuff with as much dignity as you can muster - then get home, have a good cry and start getting over him.

Kbfdhnb Sun 17-Apr-16 16:41:56

The truth is I'm not sure what happened. A week ago we were all loved-up, planning a holiday, doing lovely things together. I grit my teeth to say it but I think there may have been 3 of us in the relationship. I don't know. But I do know the other person wasn't free. And I do know for sure for a time he was really into me. I suspect my growing influence caused friction one way or another and something had to give. That something was me. I know if I'm being treated badly it's better I'm out of it. I just wish it wasn't so fucking painful. He could have had it all in me.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 17-Apr-16 16:43:22

"Walk of shame"? That's what he'll be doing everytime he slinks out of his house furtively looking around to see if you're wielding an axe in the vicinity. grin

While it's no consolation to you now, in time you will come to see that you're well rid of this cowardly excuse for a man and that it's very definitely him and not you that's lost out.

Reclaim your pride tonight by marching purposefully up to his front door and don't hesitate to kick it down knock if any of your belongings appear to be missing. Take your time making sure that all is present and correct while knowing that the longer you take, the longer he'll spend cowering behind his sofa. <what a wimp emoticon>

If you don't know a guy who fits the description, I suggest you beg, borrow, or steal a big beefy male to accompany you and listen for the sound of flushing loo coming from within the house. Alternatively, take a mate or a couple of pals and get the business done in an efficient manner while resisting the temptation to leave a spray painted message blow raspberries through his letterbox.

Onwards and upwards; honey. This particular fish may not have come up to snuff, but there's no shortage of others that will prove to be a far better fit for your frying pan. .

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 17-Apr-16 18:11:35

It's no 'walk of shame'.

Hopefully those nice neighbours who were chatting to you yesterday will realise what a cowardly arse he is. sad

Hold your head high, you were decent enough to be worried about him when he ghosted you. flowers

Kbfdhnb Sun 17-Apr-16 19:37:15

Well I've done it, my walk of shame. Tried to keep it together but walked away tears pouring down my cheeks. I never saw him. After he sent me a text wishing me all the best, saying he'd had a wonderful time with me, I was very attractive & will one day find someone better suited or words to that effect.

Fluffyears Sun 17-Apr-16 21:54:03

Although it hurts like hell. You will move on even though that seems impossible now. When you love someone who breaks your heart it hurts so much and is really confusing but he is right you deserve better and there will be someone better for you. I just want to hug you as I've been there and remember the hurt and confusion I felt.

Slowdecrease Sun 17-Apr-16 23:54:21

Ah it is rubbish indeed but not every relationship can last forever, six months is about the time (sometimes earlier) when you evaluate whether it's a goer or not - clearly on us side it wasn't. The fact he sent you a nice text shows that you're not at fault and isn't rejecting you just that the relationship isn't working for him. Give yourself a week or two then get back on the horse.

Kbfdhnb Mon 18-Apr-16 06:27:56

Day two and I feel physically sick. I can't put food in my mouth. I've had such a painful life I'm beginning to doubt there's ever going to be a happy ever after for me.

HandyWoman Mon 18-Apr-16 07:31:56

Kb are you in work today?

Try and sip milky tea, with sugar.

Have soup for lunch.

Don't expect anything much of yourself.

Try and order this book on Amazon. It will hold your hand:

'How to Survive the Loss of a Love' by Melba Cosgrove.

A friend gave me this once. I found it so comforting.

DoreenLethal Mon 18-Apr-16 07:37:20

There will be a happy for you love. Just take it easy, and try nibbling a few cream crackers today just to settle your stomach.

It's just the flight or fight reflex - you want to fight for it and you can't so it feels odd. You have no way of using up the adrenaline or cortisol so it floats around your body causing stress. Can you pop out later for a walk or run or go swimming or something to get it used up? Run up 20 flights of stairs. That sort of thing?

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Mon 18-Apr-16 07:42:31

You will 100% get over this. You just have to pull yourself together and try to start healing yourself.

He is coward but be thankful you have no kids together, no house to split, no joint bank accounts so you dont have to continue to see his twatty face again.

Get in touch with your friends and book that holiday. Spend as much time with them as you can.

I have been through some one walking out on me, out of the blue, (leaving me hold holding a baby) it's hideous and it makes life shaky but you really do need to take control of the situation rather than letting it swamp you.

Have you ever had councilling for your past? I met my Dh later on in life after terrible relationships and honestly if there was some one for me - then there is hope for us all to be happy. flowers

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