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AIBU DSS is DP being unfair?

(262 Posts)
Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 22:48:43

I am annoyed! For context we have DSS every other weekend. My DP has a regular (monthly) commitment/hobby that lasts all day.

Initially DSS used to go with him, but he gets bored. This Sunday DH had asked me to look after him for the day. No problem I will include him on whatever I'm doing with my DD.

However tonight I find out he isn't actually playing tomorrow he is watching (and presumably) drinking with his mates. So he is choosing to that instead of spending quality time with his son. He also has his hobby on the next visit so that will be two consecutive visits the poor sod is stuck with me and DD instead of his dad. Who is the one he really is here to see!!

AIBU to really angry about this??

It was me who took both kids to the zoo, playbarn etc etc. Everytime he promised something fun it never happens! They just spend all their time on their phones/tablets barely talking. It's me who gets the board games out, plays games etc. I feel like he just isn't that invested and is a crap parent angry

ThisWasCrownjewel Sat 16-Apr-16 22:49:53


abbsismyhero Sat 16-Apr-16 22:49:58

you're right he is a crap parent

haveacupoftea Sat 16-Apr-16 22:50:50

YANBU. He is being a shitty dad. Let him away with it once and he'll keep doing it too. Human nature.

DropYourSword Sat 16-Apr-16 22:52:20

That's REALLY crap. Your DP should be spending his time with his DS and it's ridiculous he prioritieses differently. I'd actually be furious if I were you. This should not continue.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sat 16-Apr-16 22:52:22

Your DP is an utter wanker. You need to stand up for his son and either tell his mother what his dad is doing or tell your dp to get to fuck.

That's actually really horrible angry

CocktailQueen Sat 16-Apr-16 22:54:28

Yes, he's a shit dad and a lazy fucker.

If he's only watching tomorrow, tell him he's staying at home to parent his own fucking child!

TendonQueen Sat 16-Apr-16 22:55:01

Tell him he needs to change his plan for tomorrow and put his son first. Otherwise you will take him home early and tell the boy's mum what's happened.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sat 16-Apr-16 22:55:29

My df used to do similar with me, leave me sat at my grandparents all day while he was out fishing or in the pub. I used to sleep at their house with my dad when it was my weekend.

Really selfish behaviour and I feel sorry for your dss.

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 22:55:29

Thank god I am not alone in thinking he is an entitled prat. He doesn't seem to understand that you need to invest time and effort into your kids. He just expects love, devotion and obedience as his right.
It's actually making me re evaluate our whole relationship/dynamic.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sat 16-Apr-16 22:57:31

Would you want kids to this asshole?

It staggers me sometimes on here at how utter bastards some parents can be. It's awful.

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 22:58:59

I've already made it quite clear that it is shit that he is not putting his own son first. I am not happy, then the 'martyr' emerges. I will stay then (but I will be an asshole all day to make you pay for calling me on this).

I will do something fun with both kids and speak to his mother.

Ciggaretteandsmirnoff Sat 16-Apr-16 23:01:13

It would be a deal breaker for me seeing this bloke treat his son like nothing.

Let him be a fucking martyr the bloke needs to grow up. angry

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:02:18

No way cigarette I don't want any more kids. Funnily he does. I have explained, emotionally, energy etc wise I just don't want another child. Plus I know I would end up with the majority of the work.
He still brings it up, like he thinks persistence will change my mind!!

pinkyredrose Sat 16-Apr-16 23:02:27

What would happen if you and DD went out somewhere on his contact weekend?

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:04:22

Don't get me wrong he is affectionate with him, they're always cuddling. But he doesn't do anything with him. Doesn't make sure he takes his medicine, does his homework. Doesn't stick to regular mealtimes. You know the basic stuff!!

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:05:19

He would have to look after him wouldnt he? Not a bad idea, girls weekend hmm

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Apr-16 23:08:21

His poor son. How horrible to have a dad like that, who thinks only of himself. I would definitely be thinking about whether I wanted a life with a man like this.

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:08:30

Actually I'm being unfair, he does take him to football matches once a month. I mean that's the proof he is a caring parent right? He also buys takeaways.
(Being sarcastic)

pinkyredrose Sat 16-Apr-16 23:09:27

He sounds like he thinks the act of being a father is just someone calling him Dad. How did this situation come about, what did he do before you were on the scene? How old is DSS?

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:12:01

DSS is 9, my DD is 5. There was a period of nc when I met DP.

Started seeing him again about 6months into our relationship.

MeMySonAndl Sat 16-Apr-16 23:13:50

Crap parent all the way, and dumping his responsibility on you. No wonder he wants more children, he obviously believes kids are thibgs you can put on a shelf while you do your own stuff.

Personally, I think it is absolutely great DSS has you, my ex was exactly like your DP unfortunately, the woman he is with made sure to make DS very aware how much she hated taking "care" of him.

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:14:10

DP was a very hands on parent (according to him) when DSS was little so I don't get it.
He has even took himself off to bed to watch 'his' programmes because he is fed up of children's tv!!

Rarity75 Sat 16-Apr-16 23:16:54

He is a great little lad, helpful, polite, funny. DD adores him and the three of us have great fun together. Singing competitions, made up games, I have cried laughing at times. It's just so bloody sad that he doesn't include himself in it at all. Because he is missing the best part of being a parent.

TheNotoriousPMT Sat 16-Apr-16 23:19:55

I wonder why he split with his son's dm? hmm

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