Please tell me i'm not going mad - argument

[Cushionwoman]

We were at a pub earlier for a friend's birthday meal.

DH came to meet me from work and asked if I'd like a glass of wine. Yes a small one please I said.

I was sat chatting to a friend, finished the glass of wine and we walked together to the car.

Except I realised we had two cars! And the wine although one glass (certainly bigger than small I'd say, even though that's what I'd asked for) had gone straight to my head. Absolutely did no feel fit to drive. Weirdly so.

Anyway DH takes an absolute strop saying I'd made things so much more difficult, going to need to pick the other car up tomorrow, what was I playing at - I'd only had a small glass of wine etc etc etc. Really angry and stressed about it.

Anyway this has really hurt my feelings. It was a genuine mistake (forgetting we had two cars there). The level of annoyance was just not how is expect a normal loving husband to react over something so trivial.

Was he right to be SO annoyed over this? To the point of not speaking to me?

[Chottie]

Wow - his reaction does seem over the top! Not speaking?!? really annoyed?!?

It was a genuine mistake, you did not do it on purpose. He just needs to get over it.

[Uncoping]

No that doesn't sound right to me.

I can understand where he is coming from thinking its a bit ridiculous that you're not feeling fit to drive after a small glass BUT - it doesn't excuse his behaviour and even more importantly - you would have been over the legal limit anyway (unless it's just Scotland the limit has been slashed right down).

I'd be having a sit down and trying to find out what caused his behaviour as it seems like such a small thing to get so annoyed over.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

A complete over-reaction on his part. It would have been a pain to have to collect the other car tomorrow but not a major tragedy.

[cozietoesie]

Why has it all become your sole responsibility? I'd have expected him to know that you had your own car there as well.

Is this the first time something like this has happened?

[Lweji]

Was he drunk?
Because that was an odd reaction.

Is he still not speaking to you?

[Cushionwoman]

No. He's so angry all of the time.

I feel unloved and unappreciated. He's temper is short.

The thing is I'm prepared to accept this behaviour or the way it made me feel this afternoon and I'm quite prepared to split over it. That's how upset I was. I just feel that's not how a loving husband should treat his wife.

[Cushionwoman]

• not prepared

[Lweji]

It would worry me too.

It's annoying at the best of times, but he is likely to get worse if you hit real problems.

Splitting up may well be the best thing for you.

Have you been married long? Has he always been like this? Is it a recent thing?

[Eigg]

But surely he knew you had the car too? If not I can see it would be a bit aggravating.

Regardless you were being responsible not to drive if you weren't feeling sober.

Under Scottish law you wouldn't be legal to drive after a glass of wine.

[exWifebeginsat40]

did you forget that you'd driven to the pub OP?

[TwoWeeksInCyprus]

Wine can be really strong these days, 13-14%, and can sometimes make me feel quite drunk even after just one glass. You were just being sensible not wanting to drive. He was being a complete arse.

[TwoWeeksInCyprus]

Wine can be very strong these days - 13-14% - and I find that even a small glass can make me feel quite drunk - it's a bit unpredicatable, depending what I've eaten or how tired I am. So I completely get why you'd not want to drive.
You're not going mad at all OP - he's making a genuine mistake/potentially quite amusing situation into something to have a massive go about.

[Thisismyfirsttime]

I have a fairly high tolerance for alcohol, I can drink a bottle of wine of an evening and not feel drunk, just a bit tipsy. But even after half a small glass of wine taken with food over the course of a couple of hours the second I get in the driver's seat I don't feel fit to drive. It's really a very odd feeling, I don't feel drunk but just massively like I'm not in control, as if I'd never driven a car on the road before. I can't do it so I don't. Point being I understand completely what you're saying and your DH is massively unreasonable, it's not the end of the world to go back! But by the sounds of your other post this is just the tip of an iceberg.

[Ahappynewmummy]

I can understand his annoyance about going to fetch the other car as it is a bit of a pain but what would he have said of you did drive the car back in the sate you felt? it could have been a lot worse.

good for you for not driving the car back

[KindDogsTail]

You absolutely did the right thing not to drive. It was brave of you not to have just carried on and driven anyway just to keep him happy.

Do you think it was a bad day and he let off steam about the inconvenience without thinking?

Or is he nasty and dismissive to you often?

[OooLookShoes]

Totally agree with this I'm just the same. I have one small glass with a meal and feel utterly unfit to drive, even though I must be well under the limit. I absolutely don't drive if I've had a drink.

DH has NEVER pressured me to drive in those circumstances. A few mates have tried to push me, but I don't budge. I laugh off the first one 'haha, no I feel really pissed, might end up in a ditch hahah' sort of think. And then move very quickly to ' I am not driving. Don't fucking ask again. Ever'

As a mildly interesting aside I once did get have a go at driving just over the limit on a private road as part of a controlled experiment. It was awful and I'd never want todo it for real.

[Bogeyface]

H would have laughed and suggested that since we are walking home (he doesnt drive) we might as well have another drink.

Total over reaction.

[Bogeyface]

Just read the OP to him and he said "Her husband sounds like a dick", and he is not exactly short of qualifications on the dick front himself at times, so what does that tell you?

[Thisismyfirsttime]

I realise I didn't answer your question and I'd say that no, this isn't the way a loving DH treats his wife. When this has happened to us (as in my previous post) my DH has rolled his eyes and given me a 'ffs' but not an angry one and has either driven my car himself with slightly more beer taken than he would have liked had he known I'd be too drunk to know how to drive after a sip (not TOO much on his part, just more) or I've picked my car up the next day. We have had times where he's wanted a drink when we've been out and it's assumed by default that he'll drive as he always does but then it goes along the lines of 'I fancy a beer, can you drive home? Yes? Ok. Don't have a wine then. No! Not even a little one, you know what bloody well happens! I'll drive if you want one!' But it's lighthearted and not aggressive or angry at all because I think that's the norm in a loving relationship. You give and take and you fuck up sometimes but you let the other person fuck up because that's just what happens!

[Cushionwoman]

He still hasn't apologised and continues to be a horrible dick about it (as per PP's DH suggested).

Such a shame but it's made me pull back emotionally.

[Bogeyface]

This is not about you forgetting the car, but you know that dont you?

You are right that this isnt how a decent man would treat anyone, much less his wife. And I hope that this is the deal breaker.

[BearFeet]

Have a read of the "right listen up everybody" that's the first thing on the board. You might realise there's lots of things not right with your relationship.