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Struggle to parent together: Counselling?

(5 Posts)
Hermagsjesty Sat 16-Apr-16 17:37:35

Me and my DH have been together 10yrs (since our early 20s). We have 2 children (aged 2 and 4yo) and often don't see eye to eye on parenting which is increasingly causing tension in our relationship. I think we could probably do with counselling to help us discuss our differing ideas and approaches. Has anyone else tried this? Would Relate be a good place to start?

FATEdestiny Sat 16-Apr-16 17:43:14

Do you need the physical presence of a councillor to discuss you differing patenting ethos, or just some child-free couple-focused time to have that weekly conversation uninterrupted yourselves?

Do you currently have any time together when you have no chores to do, no children needing you and are not absolutely knackered?

Hermagsjesty Sat 16-Apr-16 18:20:16

That's a really good point. We don't get loads of child free couple time - and when we do we tend to be doing something lovely/ keen to make each other happy so we end up glossing over the issues if you see what I mean... I just wonder if the presence of an impartial third party might help us to be truthful without being confrontational...

Wildberryprincess Sat 16-Apr-16 18:27:51

wild guess, you are 'too lenient' and he wants you to be 'more firm'?

If that's the case you need the courage of your convictions, and he needs a parenting course.

FATEdestiny Sat 16-Apr-16 19:25:43

I just wonder if the presence of an impartial third party might help us to be truthful without being confrontational...

Being able to talk to each other truthfully without being confrontational is an important skill in a marriage so I guess if you can't work out a way to do that together, then having a councillor to guide you might help with that aspect.

A councillor won't advise or suggest any solutions to your practical situation. They won't mediate a compromise. All of that will come from the two of you.

If I rewind 8 years, my husband and I had been together 12 years and had a 2 year old and a 3 year old. Not all that dissimilar to you. It was hard, hard work so I know how relentless life is with two toddlers.

We valued our evenings, which were child-free. Getting the kids in bed by 7pm was vital to our marriage - we needed that couple time every night to "check in" and chat.

Discussing parenting was much less of a big deal when it was an ongoing conversation that we did constantly - rather than the pressure of the odd Big Talk

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