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worried about how resentful I feel!!

(12 Posts)
saaaamantha Sat 16-Apr-16 14:59:36

So my husband is a selfish prick. I am 34 weeks pregnant and I asked one thing from him and that was for him not to go out in nights out when I reach 33 weeks pregnant. Simple being is because I went into premature labour with her and he went out that night too and came back drunk when my waters broke at 33 weeks. I have a full term baby after her though and that's why he's trying to justify not filling my request this time. I hate him going out because he comes back absolutely drunk and I can never communicate with him and he can't even make it to bed so either passes out in the living room floor or on the sofa. It really irritates me. I never go anywhere, always in be house, I don't have any friends. He has such a free life and I feel resentful of that. He went to the gym this morning and now gets to go out later. He has had 2 weeks off work and we have spent it staying in the house cleaning and sorting it out and not been anywhere (fair enough we need to sort it out) but he still gets all the rewards. I also don't trust him because of previously chatting to woman from online. ( the girl told me he slept with her but he denies it). I also don't think it's right he's spending money wasting on drink. I feel so resentful and Angry it's scary.
Sorry just had to rant.

SmokyJoJo Sat 16-Apr-16 15:01:25

What are you getting from the relationship, OP?

Marilynsbigsister Sat 16-Apr-16 15:48:18

So what's your set up OP ? How many children do you now have ? What ages.? How long have you been with your partner. Is he father to all dcs ? Are you married ? Do you work outside the home, have any of your own income/savings ? All the above would be helpful to know before offering any practical advice. But on the face of it, he appears a selfish prick.

saaaamantha Sat 16-Apr-16 16:07:22

We have 4 Girls
Ages are 8,9,5,4
I am a SAHM we that's the best thing
We been together 11 years. I don't have any income or savings of my own. (Apart from the tax credits and child benefit we are entitled too)
I know I don't work, but I wanted to be a stay at home and he agreed as it would save us costs on childcare and I can be here for kids al the time but sometimes I think he can take advantage of that coz I'm always here to watch the kids.
I think if I had a job or I had a bunch of friends he wouldn't be able to do the things he does. He said he wouldn't mind me going out all the time if I had friends but I can guarantee he would. His excuse is that's it's not his fault I have no friends and why should he miss out going out just coz I can't.

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Apr-16 16:10:39

Go out alone? How about going baby groups etc? Or taking up a hobby?

He sounds very selfish

Has he always been this way ?

saaaamantha Sat 16-Apr-16 16:17:35

I don't have any hobbies at the moment and I would love to have one but nothing has ever been consistent. He works shifts so it's always different. I would get a job if his job wasn't so all over the place. It's the trust issues I have with him as well. I struggle to cope with it. I don't know why I do this to myself. It's hard to break away from an 11 year marriage.i suppose it's all I've ever known. I doubt my low self esteem helps either. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything.
Sometimes I get so down.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 16-Apr-16 16:24:43

You've got four children and another on the way, and he goes out on his own and comes home so pissed he can't make his way back to bed?

He's a selfish prick. You said so yourself. This is unlikely to change until lack of money prevents it.

I'm not surprised you feel resentful. Anyone in your situation would be. He's made it as clear as he can that you and your children are way, way down on the list of his priorities.

The only question is: what are you going to do about it?

Joy69 Sat 16-Apr-16 16:44:36

I feel for you, but I don't think he'll change, especially if he's 'One of the lads'. They don't see anything wrong in their behaviour & it does get wearing.
Can't really offer much advice on this one. But have a hug x

saaaamantha Sat 16-Apr-16 19:11:12

He won't even compromise and wait till the kids are in bed because they play up for me as soon as he leaves. They are up till midnight
He's now saying I have problems!!

saaaamantha Sat 16-Apr-16 19:17:36

It's like he forgets he's got kids when he goes out. Has his tea and goes upstairs to get ready leaving me to sort kids. It would be more fair of he put them to bed first because they'll sleep for him but no all he cares about is himself

Afreshstartplease Sat 16-Apr-16 19:20:04

Its not sounding great TBH op

How do you feel about separating

leelu66 Sat 16-Apr-16 20:08:56

Does he do any housework or take care of the e.g. kids, baths, teatime etc?

He sounds very selfish, I would feel resentful in your shoes. Can you go to your mum's or anywhere else one or two evenings a week or on the weekend?

Don't ask him, tell him you're going out.

I think for the long term, you do need to look at whether you want to spend the rest of your life like this.

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