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He's behaving like a dick

(29 Posts)
Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 06:29:29

Just venting. Been tutored on here long enough now to see the red flags for what they are. It's just so fucking painful isn't it? Having to potentially walk away from someone who makes you feel incredible in bed & but who neglects you from time to time in daily life. They keep you dangling don't they? Just enough quality attention to make you feel really good, really happy. Enough to make you become emotionally involved. Then they revert to type for a day or three & please themselves ignoring you but expecting that they can just pick up where they left off? And you fall for it because when it's good it's fabulous. The spine-tingling intimacy, the cozy comfort, the relaxed happiness. But the reality is it's shite. Who wants to be picked up & put down? I didn't use to have healthy barriers but now I do. If I have any self-respect I have to tell him his behaviour's unacceptable and show him clearly my line in the sand. And if he crosses it again I have to gather my pain and walk away because I'm worth more and I expect better treatment. Life is shite. Sadly there are an awful, awful, lot of tosspots out there.

LineyReborn Sat 16-Apr-16 06:37:53

Is it really neglect, or does he simply have stuff to do? Does he go off radar completely?

Lweji Sat 16-Apr-16 06:38:02

My only question is why you are dragging the inevitable?
Just get rid now.

Yes, it sucks. But hope is what tends to feed bad relationships. If you want more you should look elsewhere.

Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 06:52:22

Liney, yes, he goes off radar completely. This is only the 2nd time it's happened but I've already voiced my concerns.

LineyReborn Sat 16-Apr-16 07:21:35

If he hasn't got a good reason, and it upsets you, then need to take a long cool look at his behaviour.

Does he give any reasons?

Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 07:43:46

Last time was he 'fancied a night out' & he thought I was out of action (I wasn't). I don't mind him doing his own thing it's the total communication 'white-out' that I hate.

LineyReborn Sat 16-Apr-16 07:56:20

It depends. Is it that he didn't text you? Or did you ring him and he didn't answer the phone, or reply to messages?

My STBXOH does all this and it's when he's stressed off his tits with work or trying to sort out his adult DC's latest self-inflicted dramas. I'm obviously very high maintenance because I find it irritating. smile

Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 08:12:24

No replies to texts or calls. He has no dc to worry about. It's 3 days since we last spoke.

LineyReborn Sat 16-Apr-16 08:23:54

Have you been together long?

It's not really looking good, tbh.

DrMorbius Sat 16-Apr-16 08:54:03

So your post title should be I am behaving like a dick for putting up with this shit.

I mean what does he thought I was out of action even mean?

VocationalGoat Sat 16-Apr-16 08:59:05

Ugh. Who needs it?
Walk... Just leave it.
Why live out a head f*ck? You're a free agent.

Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 08:59:47

*he thought I had the flu

QuiteLikely5 Sat 16-Apr-16 09:06:16

This is not a normal relationship so don't put yourself through it any longer. If you decide now is the end then you will have your self respect in tact.

Any normal person would be over to see if you were ok if you had the flu not fall off the radar!

What did he say when you told him going silent for days on end isn't acceptable???

Lweji Sat 16-Apr-16 09:07:29

He's definitely not relationship material if he thought you had the flu and he left you to fend for yourself for a night out.

fedupwitheverythingx Sat 16-Apr-16 09:15:48

I think we need more info. How long have you been seeing each other? How old is he, he sounds immature?

Dabblino Sat 16-Apr-16 09:26:03

He's mid 50s & 6 months. I don't mind his nights out, I actually think it's healthy having time apart. I'd just like to be told. The first time it happened he admitted he'd been a bit of a twat, the hangover wasn't worth it & he'd communicate better in future. Only he hasn't. It's a shame as I really liked him & the rest was great.

peggyundercrackers Sat 16-Apr-16 09:27:50

How serious is the relationship? How long have you been seeing each other?

AntiqueSinger Sat 16-Apr-16 09:28:53

Different angle: Maybe the sex and intimacy is fabulous precisely because there are these moments of 'apartness'? Some people need much more breathing space in a relationship.

Obviously that's not acceptable if you need more. Do you think he does it deliberately to hurt you? Or is he just self-preoccupied at times? What has he said when you've confronted him about it?

fedupwitheverythingx Sat 16-Apr-16 09:35:43

Are you sure he is not married?

Yeahsure Sat 16-Apr-16 09:39:31

Is it just crossed wires? You are more into him/want more of a serious relationship and he likes you but just sees you as dating/shagging?

RosieRoss Sat 16-Apr-16 09:58:10

Hi, if he misses you he will text you back! Just wait and see if its alright for you, don't worry keep your self busy

LineyReborn Sat 16-Apr-16 10:42:59

I would sadly suspect he goes AWOL due to either booze, or interest in OW, or both.

Guiltypleasures001 Sat 16-Apr-16 14:20:12

It's only the second time he's gone awol ?

2nd TIME op you say I'm now drawing the line in the sand umm you missed the boat on that
But now your going to tell him don't do it again, oh lovely he's already got the pass you signed for the last two times he's done it.

How about you have crossed my line and rubbed it out with your fecking great feet, fool me once an all that. Dont be a mug op honestly if he was a decent brain engaged type, he would know and care that this wasn't acceptable behaviour.

Don't give him another pass your in lust it's all tingly and warm and yeah we get it, but his cold,shoulder should be a wake up call, no cock is worth the emotional damage to your self esteem and confidence.


Ps love honey do an awesome range in ladies unmentionables grin they don't cheat and stay where you put them

brandystrumpet Sat 16-Apr-16 15:24:06

Tough on you to be treated like this OP but you said it all in the phrase 'picked up and put down'. In other words, treated like the crown jewels when it suits him and treated like a bag of shite when it suits him. You need to be picked up held and cherished by a decent man not this jack-ass.

Good luck with your convictions.

suspiciousofgoldfish Sun 17-Apr-16 13:43:23

OP are you going out with my exp?!

All of this sounds scarily familiar to me.

I wasted a year on an identical sounding man and was totally head screwed, mentally all over the place, making terrible decisions and in total denial about what an arsehole he was.

You sound very strong and together, don't ride the crazy emotional relationship seesaw that I did, it's really not much fun!

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