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Advice needed please

(8 Posts)
Rosielovestractors01 Fri 15-Apr-16 17:27:38

Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read this post.
I'm new here so please be gentle..
I'm a simple living country girl, I live and work in the country, and as of September freshly divorced after 7 years.
I decided to join a dating website at Christmas as I don't go out much due to very long working hours (I milk cows) the website in question is aimed at people who have a passion for the countryside, and you pay a fee so not really sleazy I don't think, never done anything like it before..
Anyway, I had met a lovely lovely man, we have been dating for four months, but we are very very different.
He's a very successful business man, travels the country and Ireland every week.
I'm just not used to his sort, I feel as though I'm not good enough for him, what can I possibly have to offer him?
He says that I mean a lot to him, and that he loves me.
I'm old fashioned and very homey, I can't understand his way of life, as I suppose mine is very settled.
My husband cheated on me repeatedly and I'm afraid I now have major trust issues, and I doubt new man, and I can't help it, does not help that about 4 nights a week he's away with work.
He says he would never intentionally hurt me, and that he's very different from my ex husband, but it's so hard to trust again.
The other week while making love, he looked me dead in the eye and asked if I loved him? Why would he do that??
Do I throw caution to the wind and trust him? Just very insecure and very low self confidence if any.
Again thank you for taking the time to read this.
All the very best Rosemary X

springydaffs Fri 15-Apr-16 17:44:03

You've only been going out 4 months and he looked you dead in the eye while you were making love to ask you if you loved him? Sounds creepy all wrong to me. It sounds a bit like a threat (don't want to be putting ideas in your head though) - you were forced to answer in the affirmative.

I wouldn't trust him, no. The main reason is because you are still smashed up about your marriage/the repeated infidelity. Imo you are not in a good place for a relationship - you need to do some work on yourself first eg therapy or finding out about horrible relationships. Have you done any work to get over your horrible ex?

You're coming across as a broken bird - and some men find that irresistible: all the better to control you because you are so vulnerable.

You are not comfortable in this relationship and that's THE most important thing. If you're not comfortable then you can back off. It's entirely your choice which you don't have to explain or justify.

expotition Fri 15-Apr-16 23:21:31

You don't sound comfortable. That might be because he's going faster than you would & you are picking up that he's not paying attention to your pace (which conflicts with his assertions that he cares about you). Equally it could be that you have trust issues based on your ex and it's not really about this guy as much as men in general. Or it could be a mixture of the two.

If you're uncomfortable back off. If he pushes you, stay away for good. Otherwise, work through your feelings (counselling / journalling / long walks by yourself are all good) & let him / dating wait till you're confident that you don't need them.

Also, make sure you're doing things that are just for fun - hanging out with friends, hobbies, reading - anything where you are just enjoying being you. If you have friends & an identity you trust, you won't need to "throw caution to the wind" in order to trust him.

TheNaze73 Sat 16-Apr-16 11:32:09

He said that after 4 months???! My alarm bells would be ringing

Colourmylife1 Sat 16-Apr-16 17:22:24

How do feel about him? You haven't mentioned that In your post?

Colourmylife1 Sat 16-Apr-16 17:24:54

Apologies for extra '?'.
Declaring love after only 4 months is not necessarily a red flag but don't allow yourself to be rushed or pressured

Slowdecrease Wed 27-Apr-16 23:56:44

For some reason, I heard the OP in my head in the voice of Marian Keyes. Anyway. Looking anyone dead in the eye whilst shagging is a bit intense at the best of times, yes eye contact is lovely whilst love making but dead in the eye is more like an invite for a scrap grin

Summerlovinf Thu 28-Apr-16 08:02:25

Yes, I agree with other posters. The looking in eye and asking if you love him is pressure. If he loves you in a genuine way, he will respect your feelings and wait for love between you to develop. I would steer clear of someone this demanding, especially when you are feeling vulnerable.

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