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Advice for women leaving controlling men

(10 Posts)
DoltFromTheBlue Thu 14-Apr-16 19:28:51

Don't want to post too much detail but I have just seen how, when a woman tries to leave a vile man, it is very easy to end up with a poor outcome because the legal systems in place are so shitty and inept and the checks and balances to stop women getting abused so lacking. I am so heartsore. I am in another country, so I hope it is better in the UK. I feel like it is. But for the record I now would advise:

Expect the absolute worst at every turn
Expect court orders to be flouted
Find a good lawyer, a GOOD one, who is sympathetic to your situation and committed to getting results (there are plenty of bluffers who will treat you as money in the bank)
Get support, so much support - practical, psychological, everything
Stockpile money, especially for legal bills, they will be huge
Never leave your house and kids for a second
Take everything you love and need if/when you ever do

Anyone else got some good advice for those who might be trying to make a break for freedom? I don't want to overwhelm or dishearten anyone but there is so much stuff that you can't know from the outside but really matters. If one other woman was able to protect herself I might feel less wrecked...

charlotteswigwam Fri 15-Apr-16 20:37:17

I don't have anything useful to add, but following...

DoltFromTheBlue Mon 18-Apr-16 11:14:30


ChristinaParsons Mon 18-Apr-16 18:57:05

Do not have any contact except through a lawyer

buzzpop Mon 18-Apr-16 19:12:57

Reply once in a message with leave me alone.
Then never ever respond again, unless through solicitor....
No matter how much they say things that outrage matter if they outright lie....not even to tell them to leave you alone again because if you respond again, even once, the Police will not treat this as ongoing contact/attempts to control you as harassment, so you cannot prosecute.
Stay strong, do not respond. If the messages upset you, get another phone/sim, forward to another mailbox.
Do get legal advice from a domestic violence specialist asap

ChristinaParsons Mon 18-Apr-16 19:52:26

Yes new phone number, new email. Do NOT communicate it only lets them think they can still exert control over you

HoppingForward Mon 18-Apr-16 20:01:21

No contact is so difficult especially when DC are involved.

If he gets no luck with me he will go through the DC on their mobile, he won't contact her for a day or two and then send her text messages along the lines of "why haven't you text me" and "just like your mum, are you ignoring me"

He is ruining his relationship with his own Dc with this behaviour which of course is all my doing and me feeding lies to them etc

It helps me to expect the worst from him whilst trying to 2nd guess his next tactic. Ltb is very easily written but never easily done in a controlling environment when they feel the lack of control slipping away.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristinaParsons Mon 18-Apr-16 20:19:02

Chuck I am very tired but could write a manual. Will post tomorrow. Stay strong and ignore,ignore,ignore

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