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Partner calling me annoying name(67 Posts)
Wondering if its just me over reacting here but its been niggling me twice in the last few weeks.
I have been with my partner a year now and we are just in the process of moving house, we are waiting for the house to be ready which will be in 2 weeks time. We are currently staying at my parents until then and they have been very kind to keep us there.
In the meantime myself and my partner have been away to give my parents peace and its been good and things are going well, but lately, my partner has been saying to me "hello stinky" and calling me odd names...
I am thinking hmm he use to call me babe, nice names etc and its niggling me. The first time I didnt say anything, but last 2 weeks replied back to him and said hello smelly in return. I am feeling offended here, as I shower everyday, perfume on, always smell nice, never let myself slip but this has upset me.
Then today he did it again saying "hello stinky, any news on the house!"
I replied saying, if you call me that again, I will call you a twat or smelly, so please its immature and comes across disrespectful and I don't think you would be happy if I called you silly names.
His reply was, I was only joking, can you not take a joke and why are you being so difficult, you didnt react last time, so why now? he says to me " I think you are overreacting and take it as a sorry in the manner it was given, I have already apologised and don't need to say anything more.
I told him I am busy at work, which is true and I cant be bothered to talk anymore about this....just stop doing it end of.
am I over reacting? I feel like he is acting a twat/immature and he isn't young either this is a guy who is in his late forties? If he does it again, Im just wondering how to handle it, unless he likes to get reactions from me, which makes me look weak, the good part is when I feel I am being treated unfairly I can be very cold, distant and very much doing my own thing which will only get worse, even more I will leave him if I feel he is being disrespectful. I am not afraid to.
Doesnt help that the house is being delayed to move into and not ready yet, should have been last week and may be another 2 weeks...so I am trying to just get on with my life without feeling stressed.....
Today was going well until I felt I was over reacting.
thank you for reading.....
I don't think you are over reacting in not liking him say that but if you have not previously said please don't call me that then you are over reacting.
Sounds a bit odd tbh, why has he suddenly started calling you stinky? Hardly an endearing term is it?
If it offends you then it offends you and you need to tell him.
Dp and I call each other all sorts of weird stuff but it is never meant in a malicious way, If I called him a Twat or whatever he would not be offended at all and neither would I, but that is just us, Everyone is different with different boundaries.
When you get home, just say you don't like it but but harm done, just don't do it again.
Hi small cock in return??... But I've had wine
First time you didn't complain, second time you did. He hasn't done it again yet you are talking about leaving him? . Sounds like a massive over reaction to me. A bit irritating and you've put him straight so YABU unless there is a whole other back story.
Don't most couples call each other silly names like this?
I don't think he actually thinks you smell it's affection and you are taking it seriously.
If it bothers you though and you tell him he she respect it and stop but I think it'd be better not to take a joke so seriously.
Seems like a total over reaction but, it sounds like that could be stress due to your living arrangements. Just tell him if it bothers you. Men & women do use insults as a term of endearment.
Oh sorry because of wine I didn't read the entire post... If he never did it after you complained then I'm with matilda
I guess he was just using it in an affectionate/jokey way, only he knows that for certain.
My DH can sometimes say something that I don't like or annoys me. He has been known to say when I accidentally drop something, 'what did you do that for?' Which is such a pointless comment.
That being said, you are entitled to not like him saying something, without being told you are over-reacting. I suggest you explain that you understand he didn't mean to be offensive, but you don't like him saying it because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don't ever apologise for how you feel about something in a relationship, although you can of course apologise that your reaction made him feel bad too.
Sorry I didn't read entire post correctly, it is the wine I will be less quick to respond sorry MN.
If he didn't do it again after you told him what's the issue?
I'm with matilda
It's weird and unpleasant for him to start calling you derogatory names and if he continues I would certainly ditch.
A "joke" is only a joke if you're both laughing. If it's constantly at your expense, then it's about putting you down. And that bodes no good for the future.
Thank you everyone, I think the first time he said the same name, I was rushing out the door for work, this time it was to my face and he finds these silly things funny, but its like me calling him "hello smelly" I know its suppose to be funny but not when you are with your partner and they say its only a joke but its just immature, maybe thats just me....I think its because I am also wanting him to be a little bit more sensitive and caring towards me as he has been working 24/7 and been so busy with work and me too and with moving its stressful, he hardly texts in the day and hasnt been interacting as much, so I have had my barriers up.
normally he is very loving, but at the moment he hasnt been...
if that explains things...im not normally this sensitive as I am quite grounded ...maybe I need a bottle of wine...that might help!!!
No I wouldn't like it at all. I would hate to be called 'stinky'. How insulting.
Mind you I am extremely sensitive these days. After I got divorced (very nasty) if anyone says anything remotely insulting I cannot tolerate it. I dumped one guy for shushing me in the pub and another for saying I've got old hands . I would never say anything so personal to anyone, even in jest. I literally cannot stomach it.
DH and I call each other all manner of names that some would find offensive. "Arsehole", "Farty Bum", "Farty Arty" are just a few. It is the
childish way we are.
For that reason, I would give him the benefit of the doubt based on what you have said. He may have misread you rather than be setting out to be disrespectful. Threatening to leave him over it is perhaps a little OTT at this stage.
I reckon he thinks it's funny, my dh calls me far worse. Take it with a pinch of salt and maybe throw a 'pencil dick' his way. Loudly. Make sure you're in public 'pooh breath' is always good too!
Seriously though if it's bothering you just tell him to stop, and really mean it. If he says it was ok before just say it isn't ok now!
I would say the issue is less about him calling you silly names and more about his reaction to you saying you didn't like it. Unless of course you were aggressive in telling him to stop, his reaction is quite defensive. When your partner says it dies something which you explain annoys you, a healthy reaction should surely be, 'sorry, I see your point, didn't mean it like you think but I won't do it again'.
BF and I had a similar exchange tonight in fact. He made a comment about something and I didn't like it. I told him and he immediately apologised.
I would be concerned about your respective communication styles and would say this could cause problems in the future.
Don't try and talk yourself out of feeling uncomfortable with this and don't listen to people saying you are over reacting
You feel how you feel
I would not tolerate anyone calling me a so-called "affectionate" name like Stinky. It is immature and silly.
I don't do immature and silly and if you don't want to, neither should you
Completely and utterly agree with AnyFucker.
The fact that this is not what he used to call you, and you find it annoying, and he's laughing it off? His behaviour is passive aggressive - no two ways about it.
You feel how you feel absolutely, so tell him you're not down with that name.
I have a daft name for DP (started off as a joke and then became a thing), but it's not insulting and if he wanted me to call him something else I'd do so. (Albeit it would be weird after a few years).
DP doesn't like affectionate use of stinky etc. which is fair enough and tbh nor do I. OTOH a relative and her husband are ostensibly quite mean to each other even online with the stinky / smelly / lightweight / gadz boys or girls nonsense. They don't mean it. Everyone knows they are totally in love and just being daft (they're both people not comfortable with straight emotions tbf). I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but I don't judge those who are.
Anyway, doesn't matter - you are comfortable with what you are comfortable with.
It's up to you how you feel about it.
I personally think you're overreacting though, myself and DP call each other silly names, it's ok to be silly and immature sometimes and losen up instead of being so uptight.
I also think your comment " the good part is when I feel I am being treated unfairly I can be very cold, distant and very much doing my own thing which will only get worse, even more I will leave him if I feel he is being disrespectful." Is quite immature and passive aggressive. Maybe you should work on your communication skills too.
Personally I think you're overreacting but if it offends you, or you just don't like it then that's how you feel. Dumping him is a bit strong though? Are there other problems, is he immature in other ways?
Me and DP are very much "alright dickhead" kind of people but that's just us and if it makes us immature so be it we take the piss constantly but it is only a joke and I'm sure your DP didn't mean you smelt.
I think he's going for a cheeky affectionate thing, but it doesn't really work?? If you had done a loud and hilarious fart recently it would make sense! I don't think he means any harm though. I'd be surprised if he says it again but be firm if he does.
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