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friend is having an emotional affair.

(8 Posts)
hiddengems Wed 13-Apr-16 20:26:51

That's it really.

She is single, he is married with 4 children. They live about 20 miles from each other but don't meet up.

They talk all the time on the phone, text etc.
They met at work but she moved jobs about 8 months ago.

He says he loves her but can't leave his wife. She says she is happy to wait.

I'm worried for her, she's going to get hurt. I'm cross with him for being such an arse to his wife.

She thinks he's being terrible noble.

hiddengems Wed 13-Apr-16 21:20:17

I've just come off the phone with her. I just can't think of anything to say.

Do you think it's OK if I say I don't want to discuss it with her?

Stars005 Wed 13-Apr-16 21:40:49

This is crap 😕

Having been the wife in what you have described, it's utterly heartbreaking. Can you talk to your friend ? Tell her to look at the bigger picture? Does she realise she could potentially be part of ruining a marriage and a family unit?

I understand that people fall in love, if this is what it is- then she needs to wake up! If he won't leave his wife he's simply using her to satisfy himself.

If they are in love and want to be in a relationship, nothing should stop them. Otherwise they are just playing games, games that an innocent party will be hurt with.

If you can't talk to your friend then I personally would just stay away from it. Be honest that you don't want to talk about it or be involved. If she is a true friend she will respect that.

Can't help but feel totally sympathetic for this family. The guy here, the husband- he's a douche!

Hope you manage to get your head around it one way or another.

Jollyphonics Wed 13-Apr-16 22:03:01

I think your decision about whether or not to talk to her about it, depends on how good a friend she is.
I have had 2 good friends who had affairs with married men, and the marriages subsequently broke down. In each case I didn't know the man beforehand and never knew their wives. Much as I didn't like the thought of what they were doing, they were my friends and therefore I felt my role was to support them. So I listened to them talk about it, sympathised when things were tough, rejoiced with them if they were happy. I didn't always feel it genuinely, but I pretended I did for their sake.
We all do crazy things and make mistakes, and our friends should be there for us regardless in my opinion.
That said, if she's not a very close friend and you don't mind ending the friendship, then by all means tell her what you really think. Or if she asks you outright what you think, then you can be honest. I doubt she will though - In my experience people in this situation are blinded by it all!

hiddengems Wed 13-Apr-16 23:07:10

She is a really really good friend.

I have told her what I think and she is adamant I don't understand.

She is convinced he is showing loyalty by not leaving his wife and children.

It's utter madness. I have told her I will be as supportive as I can emotionally but she can't keep asking me whether she's doing the right thing because she will get an honest answer.

hiddengems Wed 13-Apr-16 23:11:32

And it's not just that I disapprove - I just can't bear her waiting around like that. Waiting for him to ring or text. she's not even getting a shag out of it

Stars005 Wed 13-Apr-16 23:14:41

Seems it's just a game. Prob not worth your worry Hun. She is making her own bed to speak.

hiddengems Wed 13-Apr-16 23:29:51

You're probably right.

I need to forget about it and hope we doesn't bring it up too often.

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