Everything he does annoys me

[Alfiemoon1]

Just as the title says really. I can handle it when he's a work but when he's off everything he does or doesnt do annoys me. he thinks it's me maybe it is ??? Latest example he's just gone out with ds to meet his brother to walk the dog and stuffed some cans in his pocket. Is that normal to walk round drinking at 4.30 pm with your 11 year old son. I will be mortified if anyone sees him. Another example trying to get the kids to bed last night it always goes to pot when he's off 9.30 pm he's offering to cook them super noodles they had eaten supper and it was a school night for ds who of course didn't want to get up this morning dh stayed in bed til 10 am. He has the kids on his side I am just a grumpy old nag which I probably am when he's around as he does nothing but annoy me

[Guiltypleasures001]

Err no

Stuffing cans in pocket what is he a hobo? I wouldn't have let ds go, you can get arrested round here for street drinking.

In bed a 10am does he work shifts, if not what does he do

Actually what are his hood points

[Guiltypleasures001]

Good ffs good

[MrsH1989]

Sounds like a tool! Cans in his pocket on the street is ridiculous and next time he keeps the kids up late make him deal with getting them up the next morning! Moron!

[Alfiemoon1]

He works permanent nights but is off this week. We don't really see him when he's working and everything is fine but chaos breaks loose when he's off kids go to bed late like last night and no matter how many times I moan he just doesn't get up with them in the morning. Not sure what his good points are anymore tbh

[Alfiemoon1]

That's really sad isn't it that I can't think of his good point isn't it. I can't really remember any good times either plenty of bad patches though which have usually been brushed under the carpet or I've taken the blame for

[Branleuse]

i think your relationship is over. You despise him. It doesnt matter whether its right or wrong to put cans in his pocket. It cant be easy for him either to live with someone who despises him. Id drink too.

You need to call it quits

[Alfiemoon1]

I am obviously meant to be a mind reader as they are still out ds hasn't had his tea yet he's left his phone at home I have no idea where they are or when they will be back. I have to take dd to bring the horse in and I don't want ds to late to bed tonight gggrrr.

[Roseberrry]

Why are you with him? Is there any love left at all?

[Alfiemoon1]

I don't know it's kinda hard to love someone who pisses u off constantly I spend most of his nights off not speaking to him because he does something to annoy me like tonight for instance.

[skyfullofstars010708]

I totally get where you're coming from Alfie and its very difficult knowing when enough is enough, when it's lots of little things which individually, make you feel/sound like you're being a grump complaining about it. But living with it is another matter, I know, and is making me regret getting back together with my child's dad for many reasons like you have described. It's like living with a teenager sometimes...

[newname99]

I think you and he have different values.I would hate it to have an irresponsible husband and it was the reason for my divorce.He is turning you into the bad guy but most people would not do what he does.I bet he will tell you to loosen up, he doesn't have time off with the kids often, it's no harm etc.However he and you need to agree parenting otherwise

Does he drink excessively?

[Roseberrry]

Holding a grudge after being annoyed with him won't fix your relationship. It sounds like you are passing ships in the night at the moment.
Are you able to get any time just the two of you together? You need to reconnect with each other and see if you can find the spark that brought you together in the first place. It won't come back overnight but if you are both prepared to work at it then you never know. If you're not then I guess you have your answer.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Do you think you're struggling to connect with him because you never spend any quality time together due to his shifts?

[Alfiemoon1]

finally got home after doing the horse at 9.30 he had managed to get ds ready for bed but not done his school reading book. Maybe Iam holding a grudge by being quiet tonight but tbh I am still annoyed at the moment but don't want a row. We spend very little time together alone as dd is 14 and doesn't go to bed early. He usually spends his nights off watching ufc on tele which he knows I hate. His drinking has always been an issue but is a lot less now than it has been in the past

[Alfiemoon1]

I could tell him I wasn't happy him walking round swigging Stella at 4.30 pm with ds but he would just say it's none of my business what he does I could show him these replies but he would just say he doesn't care what a bunch of strangers think. he would probably refuse to walk the dog again even without the cans as I don't approve. He is full of excuses he can't get up as he's on holiday etc. I don't know how u get through to someone like that

[Alfiemoon1]

I am getting ds ready for school doing his reading as dh didn't last night and notice he went walking in his school shoes so they need cleaning its just one thing after another dh of course is still in bed pfft

[HermioneJeanGranger]

It doesn't sound like you even like him, tbh. When you get to the stage where everything they do annoys you, it's pretty much game over in my eyes. It doesn't matter if you're being irrational, why would you want to work at a relationship with someone you clearly dislike?

If you don't want to be with him, break up. You don't need a reason aside from "because I want to."

[hellsbellsmelons]

I think you've put up with years and years of crap and drinking and making your life more difficult.
You've lost the love and I don't think you can get it back now.
Too much water under the bridge.

So what next for you?
You need to seriously consider what you want and what is practical etc...

[Alfiemoon1]

I know u are all right it's over but I have no where to go. I have a crappy part time job I took a year out before going to uni and never went as we moved in together. I had a decent job until ds was born when I was made redundant. Had a bad patch with dh him drinking a lot Etc I took the first job that came along and I am still there I can't afford to live on my wages

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Why are you together at all now?. What is in this for you still?.

And no it is not normal at all to be walking the streets with cans in pockets either.

Is this really what you want to teach your children about relationships here, what are they learning from the two of you here?. You're showing them that currently at least, this is acceptable to you. How would you feel if your children went onto have a relationship with someone akin to this man now?.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

As for having nowhere to go why should you anyway be the one to leave, after all there are two children for whom this residence is home.

If anyone leaves here it should be him. You are not responsible for him when all is said and done.

[Alfiemoon1]

There is no way he would leave whenever I have mentioned I am unhappy he just says well u know where the door is. He actually expects me to up and leave my home and kids. He can't look after himself let alone the kids plus he works nights and they are to young to be left alone

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Such men always refuse to leave also because they know they are onto a good thing with their woman whom they see as a possession.

No man is above the law here, I would consider seeking legal advice as after all knowledge is power.

[hellsbellsmelons]

You may not be as badly off as you might think.
Is your house mortgaged?
If so is it in both of your names?
As main carer will be entitled to minimum 50% of the assets.
If you are renting that's better but I have a feeling you bought the house.
If so then you can serve divorce papers and get the house sold.
Split the equity.
Go to CAB and find out what you are entitled to based on your being a single parent.
He will also need to pay child support.
Get that information first and then go from there.

[Alfiemoon1]

I started divorce proceedings when ds was 6 months old but stopped after the first solicitors letter as dh made all sorts of promises. His drinking isn't as bad now as it was then but I think so much crap has happened in the past and no really effort from him has just killed the marriage. we have a holiday booked for August to Florida I am considering give the kids one last family holiday then starting divorce proceedings