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Want to end things but scared of future.

(11 Posts)
NameChange89 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:07:10

I've been with my OH for 2 years. We've had a lot of problems in the past, most recent was an affair he had. I've gotta go, I know that, but there's a part of me that tells me it's a bad idea. I do love him and since the affair a year ago he's been fantastic, loving and helpful.

So here's the thing, I don't currently work, I'm studying and also getting over a bad bout of mental health problems. DD (not his) will start school next year and I am totally and utterly terrified that I won't be able to get an appropriate job considering it will have to be flexible and home based (because of mental health). The thought of him sharing the load is a comfort blanket to me but it would mean I'd have to live with that horrible mix of resentment and low self esteem that I've been left with since what he did. I'm not even sure he would help out much..hes not worked for a year.

I've tried to confide in family and friends but I always get the "it'll be fine". I need some mumsnet style truth thrown at me right now. I'm just really worried about the future and coping on my own. Or maybe I can get over what he did? I don't know if I'm just going through the healing process.

TheNaze73 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:09:49

He's a cheat & I do think once a cheat, always a cheat. You'd only been together a year & he had an affair. There is not one thing you have written that makes me think you'd be better with him

loveyoutothemoon Tue 12-Apr-16 10:13:36

Are you on medication?

You can't use him as a comfort blanket just because you want to work. Your DD will be at school so you could get a job around school hours, and use benefits as a top up. This would benefit your mental health too. Maybe you are using this as an excuse to not get out there?

NameChange89 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:19:15

No medication, it wasn't working for me.

I'm at the stage where I'm so much better but aware that stress could tip me over the edge and all I ever hear about is how hard it is to get a job, let alone one working from home. It's mostly all fear of the unknown.

loveyoutothemoon Tue 12-Apr-16 10:25:48

All you ever here about? Why don't you try it? Would do wonders for your esteem. You are limiting yourself looking for work at home.

Go back to the doctor, try another medication/increase the dose.

Sounds like you are not helping yourself.

loveyoutothemoon Tue 12-Apr-16 10:27:31

And find ways of dealing with stress. I'm sure you'd feel much better without he stress of your troubled relationship.

Joysmum Tue 12-Apr-16 10:35:45

The medication or does you were on may not have been working so you need to get yourself back to the GP to find the foes/type that does (bearing in mind it can take more than 6 weeks to build up in the system. My DH's meds took 3 tweaks to get right but it was worth persevering.

Your self esteem must be very low if you think you're less capable than any other of the billions of women who have been in your position. Of course you're going to be scared, change is, but maybe it's time to have hard and fast plans in place so you can think in advance how you'd deal with any situation that comes up.

NameChange89 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:43:18

I've gone back to the doctor a few times but he said there's not much else he can do. It's agoraphobia, so I've just had a lot of exposure therapy. I guess it's just fear of a relapse back into times when I couldn't leave the house that worries me most.

I will fully admit to burying my head in the sand about it all though. I do need to have a plan and probably work on my terrible self esteem! I know if I wasnt a parent I would have no problems with this decision to walk away but I really worry about messing things up for my DD.

loveyoutothemoon Tue 12-Apr-16 10:46:25

Try a different doctor? What brought the agoraphobia on?

NameChange89 Tue 12-Apr-16 10:58:44

A new doctor is probably a good idea. It's mostly my remaining anxiety that needs addressing. The anxiety ive had on and off all my life but it turned into agoraphobia after a sexual assault.

loveyoutothemoon Tue 12-Apr-16 18:34:54

I'm sorry about that. You should maybe get some counselling so you can move on.

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