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I was taken for a mug wasn't I?

(10 Posts)
zeebles Tue 12-Apr-16 06:54:02

There was another mum at (primary) school, very pretty, very very feminine, always dressed beautifully, a bit of a butterfly. I admired her a lot. We both had a lot in common (2dcs each the same sex same age), an interest in interiors/home-making, interest in antiques etc. I have a lot of contacts in the interiors business. I 'reached out' to her thinking we could cultivate a lovely friendship but I can see now I was royally used sad. She came into a large pot of money (200k) which she was using to decorate/furnish her new house from top to bottom before she moved in. I thought we could have lots of fun, chewing the cud over this paint or that, this tile or that, this bed or that etc. So I offered to help her out by having her kids after school so she was free to choose marble for the bathroom and not be rushed to get back for home time. Later that night she then spent hours at mine chewing over interiors ideas. What was a once or twice thing became almost daily and she would arrive at mine (to collect the kids after school) anything up to 7 in the evening and then often stay for a glass of wine to discuss the merits of the fittings she was considering. It was lovely, the kids were happy, I was happy. But it was tiring sometimes, feeding/caring for 4 kids, especially when I never knew how long she was going to be. This went on most days for about 7 months but I didn't mind because I was sure I'd eventually get to see the new house and we'd have the basis for a lovely new friendship. Only that didn't happen. The house got finished and I never heard from her again. I was effectively dumped, no longer useful. I made tentative suggestions about how it'd be lovely to come and admire all the hard work and they were always met with an 'Oooh yes, that'd be lovely' but no firm date. And that was it. My dcs kept asking when they could go for a playdate at the other kids house as they were excited hearing about it. I gave up trying in the end (after about another 6 months). Real friends don't behave like that do they? She might have been beautiful to look at with a beautiful home and beautiful family but her manners were anything but. I was just used as convenient free childcare. Taken for a mug. sad

HildurOdegard Tue 12-Apr-16 06:59:32

Big hugs.

I don't know how you've remained calm. Personally I'd have knicked on the door and told her she was a selfish using arse, the kids have really missed their friends and you hope her wallpaper bubbles.

Seriously though, she's just built her own prison. If she was as attentive to her husband as she was to the rest if her life when it came to The Great Cushion Expedition - and she's as interesting, he'll stay. Then she's left fighting for her perfect house and not her life. Sad. She has a one-dimensional life.

PPie10 Tue 12-Apr-16 07:00:06

It seems like she did take you for a mug but you allowed it to happen. Why did you take on her kids for almost 7 months?? It also seems like you wanted her to be friends that's why you went all out, so in a way you had your own intentions. It's bad that she couldn't have you around but there could be other reasons she can't as well.

HildurOdegard Tue 12-Apr-16 07:00:15

Ugh stray not stay!

ItsALuigi Tue 12-Apr-16 07:02:18

You sound like such a good friend and yes she used you.

No advice really but this has happened to me a lot over the years with so call friends. Hence I have no friends and seldom trust people. I'd love to have a friend like you so don't let this one time put you off! smile

zeebles Tue 12-Apr-16 07:14:37

'hope her wallpaper bubbles' grin

Yes, I did let it happen you're right but more fool her for letting a quality friend slip through her fingers. Good friends are worth their weight in gold.

Cabrinha Tue 12-Apr-16 07:24:59

You let it happen, although it sounds very hurtful so I'm still sympathetic.
But I really think you need to have a good think about why you were attracted to someone for pretty shallow reasons. You sound terribly impressed by her liking for marble confused
And to be "impressed" by her even before the house nonsense started, because she was pretty and feminine and had nice clothes?
I have made school gate friendships and not a single one among them has attracted or impressed me with their clothes or hair do.
Sounds like you must have been at a bit of a loose end if you had time to have these kids after school and into the evening every day?
I suggest you replace the energy you poured into one person into yourself - is there more that you want to do for yourself, with a hobby or career, relationship?

WhoaCadburys Tue 12-Apr-16 09:17:23

It was as a shallow basis for a friendship OP (if real). If you 'admire' people for their compassion, their involvement with charities, their work ethic or empathy, you may get better friendships - but admiring someone for being pretty and feminine???

PPie10 Tue 12-Apr-16 09:27:29

Agree with Cabrinha and Whoa.
The fact that you put yourself out at Great lengths for 7 months for someone you didn't know all too well, you also wanted to be her friend. So your intentions kind of didn't pan out your way. She maybe saw through it but thought she needed the childcare so continued accepting it. Doesn't make her very nice, but you didn't seem to be too genuine either.

Cabrinha Tue 12-Apr-16 13:18:36

Perhaps she's a total fantasist, lives in a caravan, was bunking off in the caff when you had her kids, or having an affair?
It is very very odd that you had her kids almost every day for 7 months, just so she could fuck about looking at cushion covers.
Did that really happen?
Who would do that? (you I mean, not her)

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