Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Online Relationship advice

(17 Posts)
RalphMalph Mon 11-Apr-16 22:49:50

Ok so this may seem really daft to a lot of people but a year ago i met someone online. For a number of reasons we never managed to quite meet up but communicated daily for hours and hours. She was quite far away which didn't help. Anyway it all feel apart when she started to date an old friend from years ago and I can understand the decision as he was a known quantity. We vouched to always stay friends but I thought I'd give her some space and days turned into months. So to cut a long story short a friend said he'd seen her appear on a dating site recently as he was visiting her city (yes he is a sleaze and looks for a lady in every place he goes). Since then I can't stop thinking about her. We're both a bit shy and she believes in men making moves so she will probably never get back in touch. Anyway since i found out she was single I just can't stop thinking about all our great conversations. There may of never been a spark between us on meeting in person but I miss her for her mind alone. I'm not a weird internet person i have lots of friends and have had dates with other ladies I've met at work etc. But they don't compare in terms of personality and sense of humour in fact it was a bit weird how similar we were. Anyway should I man up and get back in touch? Everyone I know says not.

Montane50 Mon 11-Apr-16 23:02:56

Imho you don't actually know the lady so you don't know if she was as hilarious in real life, did you not just fall in love with the bit you encountered? And if im really honest, if she thought about you in the same way surely she would have been back in touch immediately? Move on is my advice because I think she has.

LovePGtipsMonkey Mon 11-Apr-16 23:25:44

well you could get in touch but only to suggest to her to meet up - what's the point otherwise? sounds like your online thing stops you from finding anyone in RL as you keep comparing.
Either meet up and hten see what she is really like, or don't contact her - but don't just renew the online chatting which is almost like an emotional affair and fantasy land!

RalphMalph Mon 11-Apr-16 23:40:55

I am inclined to agree with the last poster. Quite possibly we were virtual partners to each other and maybe why she got the jitters on our last arranged date as someone you enjoy chatting too online can be flawless, but in person we are all less than perfect. As for getting back in touch I got the jitters a few times and didn't contact her then got back in touch after a week or two at most. It wasn't the classic treat em mean rubbish just jitters. She never got in touch during those times but told me of her upset about it.

LovePGtipsMonkey Mon 11-Apr-16 23:45:43

well how about putting on a brave act and insisting that you meet, so you can resolve it one way or another, instead of living in 'what might have been' and blaming yourself for the jitters?! You don't have anything to lose apart from maybe a disappointment but it's better than being stuck - or it could happen that you get on in RL.

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 11-Apr-16 23:47:04

Just leave it. I had a text only relationship for 4 years! We thought we were meant for each. Finally met up and well it was rubbish. Our virtual relationship held us both back. In the two years since we met he has got married and I have bought a house with my partner. We're all happy. It is not reality. Just my view on things. Best wishes op.

RalphMalph Mon 11-Apr-16 23:56:01

I can certainly see your point. She sort of demanded exclusivity by siting her worries that I was a bit of an online dating shark. I am anything but a shark online or offline. So yes I stopped looking in real life during my time chatting to her. I guess we are both a little odd!

Montane50 Tue 12-Apr-16 00:29:31

She sort of demanded exclusivity, but was the one who started dating an old flame? Think that tells you just about all you need to know. Are you the safe option who's always there for an ego boost?

HandyWoman Tue 12-Apr-16 07:43:29

Put yourself out of your fantasy misery and meet her.

You may well find you are not even slightly compatible, or even attracted to each other.

But give your head a wobble and stop talking about her as if she was 'the one that got away' because you never even met.
This is one of the pitfalls of online dating - you create this fantasy in your head of who the person is. It's not real.

RalphMalph Tue 12-Apr-16 20:01:37

I do agree with the last 2 posts. I wondered if I was been kept on the back burner because she felt very lonely and she'd always got me to talk to. Of course it's very hard to tell someone is shoveling BS at you unless they are in front of you. I was angry at first but that's faded somewhat and now I just miss the chats daft as that may seem! I shall have to try and man up and say hello I guess.

spudlike1 Tue 12-Apr-16 20:23:33

Make a phone call , arrange to meet up .
It'll end the mystery either way it goes .
Let us know

huskylover Tue 12-Apr-16 20:29:28

Man up and arrange a date. I personally couldn't give any head space to a man who didn't take the reigns and make a date.

RalphMalph Mon 02-May-16 17:20:35

Well I did do it and ultimately we're back to chatting on the phone. However as for meeting up in any shape or form, she doesn't want to know. Not sure why, I don't understand women at the best of times. She asked if I was happy with things as they are, a few time and I said if that's what she wants. I do enjoy phoning up and chatting for a while each day but regardless of if i find her pretty or even if we were the same sex It feels like something is missing having never met. Happy but confused confused

RalphMalph Sat 10-Dec-16 19:44:20

Thought I'd update this thread...
So one night chatting online have a bit of a heart felt discussion and arrange to meet at a pub for food. On walking in she just hugged me and it just felt natural. So in summary we were there from 7 until midnight. Lots of laughs and mirroring I noticed. Walked to our cars had a hug goodbye that became a kiss. Loads of chatting once home and arrange to meet again.

RalphMalph Sat 10-Dec-16 20:06:45

So second meet at hers (staying over). I am very shy so I said I'd rather use a hotel but she insisted. This made things a little hard for me. Anyway it felt a bit cold when I got out the car at hers. Went for a meal and a good chat then to a bar. All of a sudden she was snogging my face off like a 16 year old (bit embarrassing) we'd only had 2 glasses of wine at this point. She kept kissing me all night. Told me I was her man and made a speech saying how lovely I am and how sorry she was for not meeting me sooner. Anyway went back to hers, bit of smooching and cuddled all night. Same next day watching telly. Felt like we'd been together a while. So I left Sunday afternoon to go see some friends near her city. That evening she told me she didn't want to see me again. Said she did love me but there was no spark (erm why snog my face off?) I tried to stay in touch but she said to leave her alone. As said before I'm not very experienced having only had 1 LTR but what the hell is all that about!!!

HandyWoman Sat 10-Dec-16 23:28:21

Er, that's why it's a bad idea to wait the best part of two years to meet up?


RalphMalph Sat 10-Dec-16 23:57:53

Agreed and she did give me a sobbed apology about not meeting me sooner, I think she liked having a "virtual boyfriend" to chat to instead of feeling lonely and sobbing. (Her words). She does have a history of being cheated on and has depression. No reason to write someone off especially if they can make you laugh several times a day.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now